Sometimes you gotta stop and remember, you're not gonna be young forever... just follow your heart.

[joyus]

It's 12:13AM as I begin typing this. The fact that I am typing this at all should come as a shock to a lot of you.
Please freak out. Right now.
[I apologize ahead of time, I don't know how to use a cut tag.]
It should seem strange, because the last time I posted was January 28th... I've noticed when I go through experiences in my life that I don't feel comfortable sharing with the rest of the world or even some of my closest friends, I go through an LJ dry spell, which is exactly what happened in January. It's just as well, because I found myself spending my time doing much more important things and not thinking in the form of an update (because when things would happen, I honestly would imagine how I would restate it in my journal, and what kind of way is that to live), even more so because I tried updating a few times after I abandoned my journal and it didn't feel right. Not to say there wasn't a time that LiveJournal was very important to me... because there was definitely a period of that. And that is what this entire entry is all about.

In about 9 hours, I begin my very last day of school at Poolesville High School. And I've used the words "very last" before and proved myself wrong, but I really mean it this time. I will not be returning to any area between those halls for anything academic ever again.

Sad... happy... sappy? All three sufficiently describe the mood of this entry.

Every year that I can recall, I spent the month leading up to graduation as a basket case and crying because people were leaving me and "I would never see them again." This is probably my least favorite and at the same time, favorite memory of high school. Least favorite because those were miserable times (who wants to cry all the time?) but most favorite because every single person I said that about has proved me wrong (to all of you: <3). I never thought I'd be emotional about graduating myself, because the majority of my friends have already moved on, with what one would imagine would leave me with a very lonely senior school year. That's what I imagined would happen... I was wrong.

Since I was only left with Sam at school, I made it a point to a) rekindle old friendships, and b) make a lot of new friends. And I did just that. It was difficult, too, what with only having 4 classes and my internship at PES (and a lot of my new friends are first graders, ha ha). But I managed. Whether or not that was a good thing now that I am looking back on it is still to be decided, because I was almost looking forward to not having to say goodbye to nearly anyone. Now I have a lot of people to say good bye to, because of an event that I figured imaginary.

I have so much to look back on. I can't believe it's over.

Reminisce with me...

Freshman Year

• I met everyone. Everyone hated me. For the most part, anyway.
• Sam began dating Nick and we stopped talking.
• I got Rosa suspended and it almost became her expulsion. That was cool.
• I began Child Development and met the triplets who unknowingly were my deciding factor to my career choice... Samantha, Michael, and Anthony Mediate. They were three. This class also lead me to meet Sean Moore, the exception of the people who hated me. Sean also lead me to meet someone else...
• Jeff Mitchell. Oh Lord. And Tony Andrade, even though I knew him before. Need I say more about either of them?
• My first Homecoming, where I only danced with Tony once and Matt Strippey. Aw.
• Spanish 2 with the 8th graders and Mrs. Sverteski... which basically only means James. He would take notes that I would write to Erika back to the middle school and read them on the bus. It got to a point where I would write notes to him in the middle of my notes to Erika, because I knew he was reading them. I didn't think we would ever talk after this year.
• I experienced my first year of high school poms, after 7 years on PAA. We won first at the states competition. I skipped a practice and a show to go see Good Charlotte and was treated like dirt the rest of the season until I quit. This year as a pom, coincidentally, was also my last.
• This was the year I began and ended my obsession with Good Charlotte and Wakefield. Short lived, but fun while it lasted nonetheless.
• Gym second semester, the best class of my life... I almost killed Garrett Miller with a golf club and I'm sure I endangered my other classmates (aka Sean M, Larry, Kyle, etc.) in numerous other ways... most likely with things like golf clubs, field hockey sticks, or badminton rackets.
• David McAleer dyed his hair blonde and I told him his hair shined. He doesn't remember it though. We started talking this year but he still hated me.
• I was introduced to Dashboard Confessional and The*Ataris along with millions of other bands... those being the most significant and those bringing me through (but probably the cause of) a lot of nights crying.
• This was the year I was most devestated about graduation... it was a new experience to me to lose so many people at once, especially when those people meant so much to me.
• Sidenote: This was the summer I had pneumonia and bronchitis all summer long. I did go to the beach with Erika for the first time, though. That was probably one of the very best years for the beach.

Sophomore Year

• Erika finally comes to the HS!
• Sam and I begin talking again.
• I met John Henry Maas and he took me to my second Homecoming. We dated for about a month and a half. What an experience.
• Lost touch with Sean M, became friends with Sean Reid.
• Declared sxe.
• Had PGA with David and wrote an article on Poindexter with Erika but it could have been Three Quarters at the time, I don't remember. I was sitting in front of him taking a test in PGA (which was Sean M's mom's class) when the events of 9/11 occurred.
• They cancelled Freaks and Geeks!!!!
• Photography.
• I had Spanish with James again. We both came close to failing because of each other. We became best friends and extremely close, which lead to...
• A relationship between James Mitchell and I, as of May 28th, 2002 (coincidence that this year it's also the last day for seniors? Hmm). This relationship pretty much encompasses the entire year.

Junior Year

• My grandfather died. 2 days later, the second day of school, James broke up with me (the two people who get a big thanks for this are David and Erika, the only people who were there for me in one of my biggest times of need).
• Erika and I both didn't go to Homecoming, but we went to dinner at Carabba's with Melanie and her group and had a really good time.
• Re-established communication with Sean M.
• Somehow, someway, committed the impossible... Anthony Bernardo officially did not hate me anymore as of this year (a feat no one thought possible, ever). This could be one of my favorite memories of this year.
• Re-established my friendship with Alex and Corey Shinko and made Corey the infamous mix tape that got him where he is today...
• Met Kris Roe and went to a lot of other shows... like always.
• Became friends with Amanda Jane.
• Constructed the Lit Mag.
• Ran into Ms. Park's door.
• Helped David through the worst time in his life where every single girl ever wanted his body, bad.
• Met Forrest Miller. Dated him (against Garrett's better judgment, which turned out to be right) for 5 months... well this post is so long I think people hope I don't elaborate. If you care, you already know all there is to know.
• Went to Prom for the first time with Forrest. That's it.
• JULIA UMMINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was the year I stopped being racist against Germans.
• The formation of Craften Layer... and their first show at the Battle of the Bands, May 9th 2003. Met Katie and Jennifer!
• Went to graduation and watched four of my closest friends, Anthony, David, Emily, and Marianne walk across the stage. That was really hard. I cried a lot.

and last, but certainly not least....

MY SENIOR YEAR

• My first year alone. Well, relatively alone. I only had Erika for some of the year and Sam but they are kind of a given so it was me against PHS. Few friends at school and, of course, no boyfriend.
• I became a poultry-tarian (proletarian... ha ha).
• Saw Mars at its very brightest.
• Began really hanging out with Amanda Jane a lot more.
• Went to Homecoming for an hour, then Sean M, Amanda, and Matt came and kidnapped Erika and I to go to David's surprise birthday party, where I finally got to meet the famous Ramsey, ha ha.
• The Coheed and Cambria & Thursday show, fun. Lots of other shows as well.
• Got Fight Club Special Edition!!!
• Got my license on December 3rd!!
• Jennifer's birthday party which was a lot of fun.
• Began my internship with Mrs. White, my second grade teacher who now teaches first grade, and was reunited with the triplets who are now SIX! And meeting so many other amazing children.
• Visited Sean at Dickinson.
• "Stole" a car.
• Got voted, "Most Likely to Walk Into a Glass Door".
• Became friends with a lot of people I never saw myself being friends with.
• A big Prom mess, which ended with a great night- going with Sean M, two chauffers: Anthony and Matt (glasses and all), and an undercover bodyguard: Sean R. Of course the night wouldn't be complete without Sean R offending a child or a car accident or almost being pulled over or the Baha Men or thievery. An unbelievable amount of fun. In short, it put last year's Prom to shame. Big time.

And now here I am... two hours after I began this entry, thinking about all the events of the past four years... Please keep in mind I only listed memories that involved and/or happened in and/or affected school, so most of my summer memories and things like shows and out of school events which were also very important to me regardless, are not included. I also excluded bad memories. They are the reasons for some of my LJ dryspells as mentioned previously and don't need to resurface.

For those of you who don't know, since I began LiveJournal, I have printed out every entry and glued it into a Composition Book, thus resulting in a hardcover, tangible LiveJournal. Right now, I am only on about August of last year, so I have a ways to go. That being said...

This is my last year of High School. This is the last night I will worry about how I didn't study for a HS exam. And it only seems fitting that this will be my very last journal entry, ever.

My journal will remain until I have printed out every post, and at that time I will erase and therein destroy every entry, every mood, every dramatic moment of this journal. I have always thought of this as a journal, and a journal is just that- something you keep for your private use. I'm not saying people who utilize it for other purposes are abusing its usage, but that's never what I intended for my LJ and I want it to be a personal journal just for me and no one else (but if you really want to see it after i abolish it, ask and you shall recieve).

Before I go... thank you to everyone who helped make these last four years the best years of my life. I would list you all but there are far too many. I have been talked to, influenced by, loved by, cared about, hugged by, kissed by, held by, and listened to more than I personally think I deserve but by more people then I can tell (except for the kissing part). If there is a doubt in your mind that you may have been a part of it (except for the kissing part), you were. You all were. Every single one. Thank you all for everything. And when I say I love you all, I really do mean every single one of you. Every single one. Without you I wouldn't be here.

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

So this really is goodbye... the beginning of a series of goodbye's that I'm scared about, but prepared to do.

It's the end of an era, yet the beginning of a new...

Thanks for everything.
Sincerely yours,
Joy Kristina Giarratano