I hung out with a normal person last night.
I was about to go for a walk, but Michael just messaged me and a conversation started, so I suppose I'll blog for now instead.
So last night was fun and giggly for me. I met Jesse and Justin at the book sale at the library at some point around four or five. We headed over to Rio Grande because Jesse wanted to play pool and I stopped into RadioShack to for a hot second to see if me mum's camera had any memory disk options. Brian Szotek was working there and we stepped out to have a cigarette. He gave me the mildest version of "where've you been?" I've ever received from a RadioShack employee so I gave him a cute version of the past month or two. That was neat. Everyone usually grills me with their pre-formed ideas of why I'm ignoring them. We made plans to go out that night.
After spending some time at my house, we dropped Justin off and met up with Brian.
We got drunk.
The bartender at The Rusty Nail made our drinks so strong. Jesse drank like a lady all night, ordering White Russians and Long Island Iced Teas. His Long Island tasted like fucking moonshine, though. We talked about sex and girls and cross dressing and fetishes (quite loudly in an empty bar). Brian doesn't care, man. He's got this booming 1950s newscaster voice with which he doesn't care if he says, "I'll cuddle with a gay guy, sure; I just don't want his cock" around homophobic barkeeps. (heh, he really should end all of his sentences with "see?" and wear a fedora). We made it to some other bar, the Bayshore or something, and continued pumping beer into our systems, deftly. I won a game of cut throat because I'm awesome/lucky, and Brian and I scheduled a drinking contest.
Well, no, we didn't schedule it. But I remember a stare and someone saying "it's on!"
I'm looking forward to it. At the first bar, Brian was explaining to Jesse and I that he's a functional alcoholic, but it became obvious that he was indeed just an extreme alcohol enthusiast. The conversation ended with Brian blinking a couple of times after Jesse and I explained our drinking habits and saying "Oh, I see. You guys don't think I'm an alcoholic because you're real alcoholics. You're like 'listen to this guy..'"
I told him I have the genetic advantage over him, but... he's been in practice, and heavily so (he's a Penn State frat guy)....(note I said "guy" in contradistinction to frat "boy," a term I use to condescend far, far more).
It's nature vs. nurture.
I realize I never updated on the Kevin and I situation. On thursday morning, just like every other part of every day since monday, I was stressed out about him because he hadn't called back. I was getting paranoid and angry because it was really eating away at my ability to function. I thought he was maybe just ignoring me as a way to give me a hint, something I knew I definitely did not deserve. I thought about calling him and leaving a message (at the time, I knew he wouldn't pick up) but decided to do it that night because I didn't want him to have to hear a message from me and then be in a shittier mood for the rest of the day until he got back and, hopefully, called.
Then I thought about it some more and decided, no fuck him, I'm leaving that shit now and I did. I said things like "I really don't know why you're handling this this way" and "If you don't want to talk, just at least tell me" because "I deserve at least a phone call."
I left it in the morning, but he didn't listen to it until after work that evening then he called me back.
"No, no, I don't want to stop talking to you"
"Are you sure?"
"YES. I'm sure."
The conversation was pleasant after that. We talked about the past few days and what they meant and why they happened. He said he said what he said that day because he thought it's what I wanted to hear, and that he didn't really think I wouldn't have noticed when he got bumped offline that night. I didn't really ask too many questions.
I felt such relief. I almost thanked him for it. We've spoken online a couple of times since then (he said he left his cell phone in his friend Jamie's car and doesn't see her until sometime). I'm happy, or at least happier. We promised to be honest with each other, so, I hope that's the truth and works out.
I'm much happier now that Jesse's down. I don't know if I mentioned on here that I stopped listening to music completely when Kevin broke up with me, but it had been a good threeish weeks of silence for me because just like everything else, every song reminded me of Kevin because of our little mix cd trade-off we had going. I knew I couldn't listen to a song without thinking about (A) why I did/didn't send it to Kevin or (B) the fact that he'd sent it to me. But when Jesse got here, I explained that to him nstuff (he said "awwwww [in his Jesse way] that's so sad") and I put something on, finally. Diplo (who we may go see this summer [it's a $22 open bar show at a museum) and Thievery Corporation. I ended up burning TC for him because he dug a lot. That's rad.
Hanging out with Jesse, in general, has made me feel lots of better. He's very therapeutic for me, as he always has been. It's strange to see the difference he's made in my mood from just being here. It's wonderful. I mean... he's really fucking helping me just by being awesome. I can't remember our last misunderstanding, and I've noticed that in conversation, I tend to have a feeling what point he's about to bring up. I'm so grateful for him. Ehh, but I'm sure I'll go on and on about it as the summer progresses, so whatever. He gets a few sentences today.
He did say he wants to paint with me again, though. That's fucking awesome. Hee.
Okay. It's fucking walk time.
So last night was fun and giggly for me. I met Jesse and Justin at the book sale at the library at some point around four or five. We headed over to Rio Grande because Jesse wanted to play pool and I stopped into RadioShack to for a hot second to see if me mum's camera had any memory disk options. Brian Szotek was working there and we stepped out to have a cigarette. He gave me the mildest version of "where've you been?" I've ever received from a RadioShack employee so I gave him a cute version of the past month or two. That was neat. Everyone usually grills me with their pre-formed ideas of why I'm ignoring them. We made plans to go out that night.
After spending some time at my house, we dropped Justin off and met up with Brian.
We got drunk.
The bartender at The Rusty Nail made our drinks so strong. Jesse drank like a lady all night, ordering White Russians and Long Island Iced Teas. His Long Island tasted like fucking moonshine, though. We talked about sex and girls and cross dressing and fetishes (quite loudly in an empty bar). Brian doesn't care, man. He's got this booming 1950s newscaster voice with which he doesn't care if he says, "I'll cuddle with a gay guy, sure; I just don't want his cock" around homophobic barkeeps. (heh, he really should end all of his sentences with "see?" and wear a fedora). We made it to some other bar, the Bayshore or something, and continued pumping beer into our systems, deftly. I won a game of cut throat because I'm awesome/lucky, and Brian and I scheduled a drinking contest.
Well, no, we didn't schedule it. But I remember a stare and someone saying "it's on!"
I'm looking forward to it. At the first bar, Brian was explaining to Jesse and I that he's a functional alcoholic, but it became obvious that he was indeed just an extreme alcohol enthusiast. The conversation ended with Brian blinking a couple of times after Jesse and I explained our drinking habits and saying "Oh, I see. You guys don't think I'm an alcoholic because you're real alcoholics. You're like 'listen to this guy..'"
I told him I have the genetic advantage over him, but... he's been in practice, and heavily so (he's a Penn State frat guy)....(note I said "guy" in contradistinction to frat "boy," a term I use to condescend far, far more).
It's nature vs. nurture.
I realize I never updated on the Kevin and I situation. On thursday morning, just like every other part of every day since monday, I was stressed out about him because he hadn't called back. I was getting paranoid and angry because it was really eating away at my ability to function. I thought he was maybe just ignoring me as a way to give me a hint, something I knew I definitely did not deserve. I thought about calling him and leaving a message (at the time, I knew he wouldn't pick up) but decided to do it that night because I didn't want him to have to hear a message from me and then be in a shittier mood for the rest of the day until he got back and, hopefully, called.
Then I thought about it some more and decided, no fuck him, I'm leaving that shit now and I did. I said things like "I really don't know why you're handling this this way" and "If you don't want to talk, just at least tell me" because "I deserve at least a phone call."
I left it in the morning, but he didn't listen to it until after work that evening then he called me back.
"No, no, I don't want to stop talking to you"
"Are you sure?"
"YES. I'm sure."
The conversation was pleasant after that. We talked about the past few days and what they meant and why they happened. He said he said what he said that day because he thought it's what I wanted to hear, and that he didn't really think I wouldn't have noticed when he got bumped offline that night. I didn't really ask too many questions.
I felt such relief. I almost thanked him for it. We've spoken online a couple of times since then (he said he left his cell phone in his friend Jamie's car and doesn't see her until sometime). I'm happy, or at least happier. We promised to be honest with each other, so, I hope that's the truth and works out.
I'm much happier now that Jesse's down. I don't know if I mentioned on here that I stopped listening to music completely when Kevin broke up with me, but it had been a good threeish weeks of silence for me because just like everything else, every song reminded me of Kevin because of our little mix cd trade-off we had going. I knew I couldn't listen to a song without thinking about (A) why I did/didn't send it to Kevin or (B) the fact that he'd sent it to me. But when Jesse got here, I explained that to him nstuff (he said "awwwww [in his Jesse way] that's so sad") and I put something on, finally. Diplo (who we may go see this summer [it's a $22 open bar show at a museum) and Thievery Corporation. I ended up burning TC for him because he dug a lot. That's rad.
Hanging out with Jesse, in general, has made me feel lots of better. He's very therapeutic for me, as he always has been. It's strange to see the difference he's made in my mood from just being here. It's wonderful. I mean... he's really fucking helping me just by being awesome. I can't remember our last misunderstanding, and I've noticed that in conversation, I tend to have a feeling what point he's about to bring up. I'm so grateful for him. Ehh, but I'm sure I'll go on and on about it as the summer progresses, so whatever. He gets a few sentences today.
He did say he wants to paint with me again, though. That's fucking awesome. Hee.
Okay. It's fucking walk time.