Andrew walks down a long corridor filled with many unopened doors. The first door he comes across is a small red one. He opens the door and sees Johnathon
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Don't know how long after Andrew doze that I did, but I must have fallen asleep. By the time I opened my eyes, hazily, the movie had stopped and the screen was fuzzy. Stupid tv.
I was about to wake up Andrew to figure out sleeping arrangements when he started thrashing in his sleep. Would be better if he wasn't sleeping in my lap, but his arms were swinging and I think I got clocked in the eye. Ow. That's gonna bruise later.
I quickly grabbed onto his shoulders and shook him, trying not to be frantic, all I knew was that this had to be a really bad dream. "Andrew. Andrew! Baby, wake up! It's just a dream! Come back to me."
This is starting to hurt. I quickly got out from under him and did what I did when my cousin use to have nightmares like this...I jumped onto the couch, placing my knees on either side of his hips, my legs pinning his legs down, and I pinned his arms to his side.
Last thing we need is for him to hurt me, or himself. "Andrew!" I yelled, had to snap him out of it. "Andrew! It's just a dream! You're safe here! Wake. Up."
God. I just looked on as he broke down, still pinning him to the couch. I could feel my eye swelling up some, that boy could hit. Damn.
I let up on his arms, but didn't get off him, don't know why. I just...stared. Didn't know what to do.
I don't know what happened in that dream, but is must have been pretty bad.
Reaching out I gently wiped away his tears and sighed, my heart breaking for him. "What happened?" I whispered softly, my voice a little hoarse from yelling at him.
Sighing deeply I felt that...maybe he didn't want me around at the moment? Just got some majorly weird vibes coming off of him.
"Oh," I responded softly, swinging my leg back over him, and standing up. My shoulders were slumped a bit and I sighed once more.
"Well...when you want to talk about it, I'll be in my room." Turning on my heel, I headed towards my room and shut the door lightly, though leaving it open a crack.
I pulled off clothes and tugged on pajama bottoms, deciding on no shirt for the night. It was hot in here anyway. I then crawled into bed, and layed there, staring up at the ceiling...thinking.
Did I do something wrong? Say something wrong? Did I offend him in any way? What happened?
I laid there for a moment, thinking about my dream...and the fact that Xander left.
Warren couldn't be right. Xander loves me, he said it himself. And he....he promised to never break my heart.
I beleived him. Regardless of what others may have said. Yes, I killed Johnathan, but I was redeemed. Warren is dead. Thats all there is to it. I'm not in love with Buffy, Willow or Dawn. I'm in love with Xander....and thats all that matters.
...
Now if only I could convince myself to beleive it.
I stood up, dried my tears and walked to Xander's slightly open door. I peeked it open a little and saw Xander laying there starting at the ceiling.
He loves me...I reminded myself as I pushed the door open all the was catching his attention.
I was lost in thought, and completely zoned out when my door squeaked open. I lifted my head a bit and looked at him, smiling a bit. Almost a forced smile, but a smile none the less.
"Hi." I said back, sitting up, and leaning back against the wall. "You don't have to be afraid to come in. I won't bite."
I patted the bed next to me and tried to look inviting. Though, being shirtless, I already figured I was. Heh.
As I laid there in his arms, him twisting and curling my hair, I thought that if I told him, I would be jeapordizing this perfect moment and future ones to come.
Everything was great now...he didn't need to know. It would only hurt us.
So I lied.
"Smurfs." I explained breifly.
I looked up at him and I could tell he was confused.
"I had a nightmare about Smurfs...I don't like 'em. So small and blue and abnormal...plus their always planning things.....creeps me out."
He wasn't buying it. And i couldn't bring myself to lie to him anymore.
I sighed...why does he have to be so damn intuitive....
He hugged me closer to his bare skin and I caved.
"Okay it's not smurfs." I said muffled partly by his body. I sat up quickly, sighed and without facing him told him the dream. Everyhting....including dream-Warren.
By the time I finished, I was tearing up. Partly because I knew that the dream was a lie. But also because it could be a reality....if I let it happen.
I was about to wake up Andrew to figure out sleeping arrangements when he started thrashing in his sleep. Would be better if he wasn't sleeping in my lap, but his arms were swinging and I think I got clocked in the eye. Ow. That's gonna bruise later.
I quickly grabbed onto his shoulders and shook him, trying not to be frantic, all I knew was that this had to be a really bad dream. "Andrew. Andrew! Baby, wake up! It's just a dream! Come back to me."
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"I won't let him.....he can't do this to me!! Why won' he just leave me alone!!!" I screamed continuing to kick and scream.
He can't do this. Why was he doing this??? He DIED!!! I greived...he manipulated me already...i couldn't go through this again!! I couldn't do it!!
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This is starting to hurt. I quickly got out from under him and did what I did when my cousin use to have nightmares like this...I jumped onto the couch, placing my knees on either side of his hips, my legs pinning his legs down, and I pinned his arms to his side.
Last thing we need is for him to hurt me, or himself. "Andrew!" I yelled, had to snap him out of it. "Andrew! It's just a dream! You're safe here! Wake. Up."
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I knew it was all just a dream...but It was real.
I stopped kicking and screaming....and I cried.
I knew that it wasn't really Warren...but what he said was true.
I knew I was never gonna be accepted...bu Buffy...by Willow....by Xander....
I didn't deserve him. And I knew this.
So I cried.
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I let up on his arms, but didn't get off him, don't know why. I just...stared. Didn't know what to do.
I don't know what happened in that dream, but is must have been pretty bad.
Reaching out I gently wiped away his tears and sighed, my heart breaking for him. "What happened?" I whispered softly, my voice a little hoarse from yelling at him.
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What happened?" he asked
I sniffled and explained very softly...
"Everything, Xander. Everything happened."
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"Oh," I responded softly, swinging my leg back over him, and standing up. My shoulders were slumped a bit and I sighed once more.
"Well...when you want to talk about it, I'll be in my room." Turning on my heel, I headed towards my room and shut the door lightly, though leaving it open a crack.
I pulled off clothes and tugged on pajama bottoms, deciding on no shirt for the night. It was hot in here anyway. I then crawled into bed, and layed there, staring up at the ceiling...thinking.
Did I do something wrong? Say something wrong? Did I offend him in any way? What happened?
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Warren couldn't be right. Xander loves me, he said it himself. And he....he promised to never break my heart.
I beleived him. Regardless of what others may have said. Yes, I killed Johnathan, but I was redeemed. Warren is dead. Thats all there is to it. I'm not in love with Buffy, Willow or Dawn. I'm in love with Xander....and thats all that matters.
...
Now if only I could convince myself to beleive it.
I stood up, dried my tears and walked to Xander's slightly open door. I peeked it open a little and saw Xander laying there starting at the ceiling.
He loves me...I reminded myself as I pushed the door open all the was catching his attention.
"Hi." Was all I could say.
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"Hi." I said back, sitting up, and leaning back against the wall. "You don't have to be afraid to come in. I won't bite."
I patted the bed next to me and tried to look inviting. Though, being shirtless, I already figured I was. Heh.
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I swalloed all my inhibitions and made my way to the bed as he smiled and continued to pat the bed..
" I mean you're nothing but his little play toy anyway.
I stopped and destroyed that thought. Warren was wrong. It wasn't even freakin Warren. He's dead. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
I made my was to the bed and crawled up next him.
"Bad dream." I explained softly and curled up next to his shirtless body.
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"I figured that much. Wanna tell me about it? Maybe I can help make the images go away."
He looked so scared and fragile. Not good at all. I really don't like seeing him like this. Not when everything was all good just a couple hours ago.
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Everything was great now...he didn't need to know. It would only hurt us.
So I lied.
"Smurfs." I explained breifly.
I looked up at him and I could tell he was confused.
"I had a nightmare about Smurfs...I don't like 'em. So small and blue and abnormal...plus their always planning things.....creeps me out."
So I lied...what of it?
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I hugged him a bit closer, not sure if I really believed him, because...it sure seemed like a lot more than...Smurfs.
"Next time? Just squish 'em." I figured I'd humor him for now, because I sure as hell didn't believe it, but...if he wanted to tell me, he would.
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I sighed...why does he have to be so damn intuitive....
He hugged me closer to his bare skin and I caved.
"Okay it's not smurfs." I said muffled partly by his body. I sat up quickly, sighed and without facing him told him the dream. Everyhting....including dream-Warren.
By the time I finished, I was tearing up. Partly because I knew that the dream was a lie. But also because it could be a reality....if I let it happen.
I waited for hs reaction.
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