High and dry.
It all felt too surreal; the two hours spent searching for answers, the sleepless night, the monochrome morning, the panic an hour before leaving the house, the two hours I spent waiting for my turn, the dry eyes that hurt so bad, the headache that throbbed so painfully, the slips and mistakes, the underperformance, the faces that had a definite "no" written all over it, the masquerades in front of the people who care so much...
And then it ended. Just. Like That.
I don't feel anything but disappointment, with no one but myself. I've been waiting for this chance for a year, I promised myself that I'd give it my all, but what happened? It was only when waiting did I realise how much I wanted it, and I don't know why I allowed myself to take that one chance for granted. The fact that I let this chance slip from my very own hands because I was complacent, sickens me even more. Having that negative mindset was what set the outcome of the battle, was what caused me to lose before I even stepped into that audition room, was what caused me to underperform and make mistakes I condemned and deemed impossible... It cuts me to the core, but I have no one to blame but myself.
Its all over as of today, but I don't feel a sense of liberation.
Just lingering disappointment and perhaps, a slight tinge of regret.
And then it ended. Just. Like That.
I don't feel anything but disappointment, with no one but myself. I've been waiting for this chance for a year, I promised myself that I'd give it my all, but what happened? It was only when waiting did I realise how much I wanted it, and I don't know why I allowed myself to take that one chance for granted. The fact that I let this chance slip from my very own hands because I was complacent, sickens me even more. Having that negative mindset was what set the outcome of the battle, was what caused me to lose before I even stepped into that audition room, was what caused me to underperform and make mistakes I condemned and deemed impossible... It cuts me to the core, but I have no one to blame but myself.
Its all over as of today, but I don't feel a sense of liberation.
Just lingering disappointment and perhaps, a slight tinge of regret.