I need you.
Yes, you. And you. I need all of you.
Any prayers, good thoughts, kind wishes, virtual hugs, or any kind of good karma you would like to send my way would be most appreciated.
I'm...going through some things. I'm having a hard time, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
The very condensed version is that I am very close to having a nervous breakdown, induced by nearly two long years of trying to be everything for everyone. And I have finally admitted to myself that I can't do it all anymore. I can't parent a toddler all by myself while my husband works 84 hours a week. I can't keep cramming three semesters' worth of work into one. I can't keep being the one everyone (mom, in-law's cousins, friends, church) turns to for help with anything and everything because they know that I'm a perfectionist and will get it done. I can't keep my floors clean enough to eat off of. I can't make birthday cakes from scratch and always have dinner on the table at 6pm. And most of all, I can't keep getting 4 hours of sleep a night.
I'm sick. Like, literally physically ill. I've had a sore throat for three weeks. I had my first-ever migraine last Thursday, and I've had two more in the week since. I randomly get nauseous and can't keep food down. And I think all of this is my body's way of saying that it's worn the fuck out.
So I'm going to have to make some changes. Or develop a drinking problem. I'm thinking the changes will be healthier.
I'm not sure what to do yet...Avery may have to go to daycare a few days a week. Keith may have to cut back on his hours or find a new job. I may have to take a semester off school (which I really don't want to do because I am SO close to finishing). But most of all, I know that I'm going to have to ease up on myself. I'm going to have to be okay with not doing everything perfectly. And that's going to be hard. I may need to see a therapist or something. I'm also going to get very serious about taking time for myself - time to work out, time to read good books, time to just sit and do nothing (something I haven't done in who knows how long).
Anyway...yeah, that's what's going on with me. I'm okay. Or rather, I will be. But I'm going to have to make some changes that will probably be hard for me. And I'd appreciate your support during the process.
Any prayers, good thoughts, kind wishes, virtual hugs, or any kind of good karma you would like to send my way would be most appreciated.
I'm...going through some things. I'm having a hard time, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
The very condensed version is that I am very close to having a nervous breakdown, induced by nearly two long years of trying to be everything for everyone. And I have finally admitted to myself that I can't do it all anymore. I can't parent a toddler all by myself while my husband works 84 hours a week. I can't keep cramming three semesters' worth of work into one. I can't keep being the one everyone (mom, in-law's cousins, friends, church) turns to for help with anything and everything because they know that I'm a perfectionist and will get it done. I can't keep my floors clean enough to eat off of. I can't make birthday cakes from scratch and always have dinner on the table at 6pm. And most of all, I can't keep getting 4 hours of sleep a night.
I'm sick. Like, literally physically ill. I've had a sore throat for three weeks. I had my first-ever migraine last Thursday, and I've had two more in the week since. I randomly get nauseous and can't keep food down. And I think all of this is my body's way of saying that it's worn the fuck out.
So I'm going to have to make some changes. Or develop a drinking problem. I'm thinking the changes will be healthier.
I'm not sure what to do yet...Avery may have to go to daycare a few days a week. Keith may have to cut back on his hours or find a new job. I may have to take a semester off school (which I really don't want to do because I am SO close to finishing). But most of all, I know that I'm going to have to ease up on myself. I'm going to have to be okay with not doing everything perfectly. And that's going to be hard. I may need to see a therapist or something. I'm also going to get very serious about taking time for myself - time to work out, time to read good books, time to just sit and do nothing (something I haven't done in who knows how long).
Anyway...yeah, that's what's going on with me. I'm okay. Or rather, I will be. But I'm going to have to make some changes that will probably be hard for me. And I'd appreciate your support during the process.