self loathing
I went to a job fair on Thursday and it has caused me to break out in hives. Would I rather be unemployed for the rest of my life or speak on the phone with a few people from my past to ask them a favor and vouch for me? There is the option of taking a shit job that doesn't require any references.
I haven't been journaling which means I haven't been very introspective. I know that I have to get out of my folk's house! I think I want out of my folk's house. Every month I consider living in my car but I can't pare down my belongings to fit that lifestyle.
When I think about buying another pack of cigarettes I think about holding my nephew or cuddling my niece and I know that I don't want to be self conscious of the smell when I do that. I don't want to put them at risk of second hand smoke or asthma, either. I can look out for them yet I can't even brush my teeth every day to save my life.
Is this what happens when I go two years without therapy? I am saturated with another kind of toxic shame.
I haven't been journaling which means I haven't been very introspective. I know that I have to get out of my folk's house! I think I want out of my folk's house. Every month I consider living in my car but I can't pare down my belongings to fit that lifestyle.
When I think about buying another pack of cigarettes I think about holding my nephew or cuddling my niece and I know that I don't want to be self conscious of the smell when I do that. I don't want to put them at risk of second hand smoke or asthma, either. I can look out for them yet I can't even brush my teeth every day to save my life.
Is this what happens when I go two years without therapy? I am saturated with another kind of toxic shame.