Fic Commentary for Spoiled

[joyfulseeker]

gigantic requested commentary on "Spoiled," which was a Spencer/Patrick crossover. Original story here.

Comments

[natilathehun]

Since you said you don't mind this sort of comment... ^_~

I reread the original story, started the commentary, and got to the part about asking Rae what strippers of the future would look like before I noticed this was yours. Wow, self. (I tend to open up all my flist tabs at once and then just go through randomly, so sometimes that happens. BUt it was still sort of funny as hell.)

Anyway, flight attendants! Watch out!
...for rats? *ducks*

Somewhere in between Massachusetts Avenue and Elm Street
I was SO CONFUSED for a moment, before I remembered that you live in Boston. *shakes head at self*
(I work on Massachusetts Ave, here, and I, like every other exBostonian, spent inordinate amounts of time stuck in traffic on Mass Ave there)

Can you tell the difference?
No, you did beautifully. I sort of adore your writing. It's possibly a touch unfortunate.

Also, hey, like how I slipped that in, there? Their shared kitchen?
Yeah, that was the place where I went "Ohhhhh" and scrolled back up to check that we didn't already know that (I think I did this both times I remember reading this fic), and started to Get It.

Patrick, though, is maybe used to a lot worse than Spencer's accidental personal-space intrusion
He lives with PETE. WENTZ. Nuff said.

See, half of my writing process involves me figuring out what my subconscious is doing.
It's like that for me, too, at it's best - and then sometimes I get stuck and discover that I need to Phone A Friend because my subconcious, she is CLUELESS. It's tragic when that happens.

If one can call attempted spiritual growth a hobby.
For Brendon? Yes.

"Everything. I need new everything."
Oh, baby. *pets Spencer* That's such an amazing line, because it's the entire place he's at, all in a nutshell.

Also, I love that Patrick thinks of buying new clothes as something you do when all your clothes are dirty. They're such rockstars, in these tiny little funny subtle ways.

Spencer is so wonderfully unhinged here, but in such a CONTROLLED way. It's... amazingly well-done, really.

that interview where Patrick talks about how much he dislikes the sun
Wait, which one is this? This sounds unfamiliar! I may need it liek now! *makes gimme hands*

"He'd. Take you up on both of those offers."
The pause there is interesting and says something I like about Pete and Patrick, I guess? I don't know.

will know what to say to make stuff better.
Also, realistically, and I don't mean this in a snarky way nearly as much as it probably sounds, Pete is the fairy godmother to this band, to the Panic boys (possibly also the fairy godfather, but the image there is more a horsehead that coordinates with your drapes, and that's not so much what I mean here); he's someone who has always been, even when he's a friend, a little bit removed and in a weird sort of authority position. They look up to him. He's sorta their boss. He's someone who seems to have, in some ways, developed into someone you can go to who is... more like a big brother, I guess, in that you can retreat to him and sometimes, when you're really a mess, you can say "omg Pete fix it please please how do I fix it" and he's- He's sort of grownupper (dear god I am talking about PLKW3 here wtf), you know? It's not like asking a theoretically-equal. Fuck it, I'm making no sense so I'm going to give up now.
Anyway, I never questioned it because I thought it made a lot of sense.

God, I have such a depressing view of relationships, don't I?
Hahaha, but I so AGREE with it!!

(comment being posted in two parts as apparently I talk a lot. WHO KNEW!)

[natilathehun]

He doesn't know how to live his life, whenever he pictures it. He doesn't know how.
It's such a powerful line, because I think most of us (okay, maybe just me) have felt that way, that rushing panicked bleak realization that you just... you have to keep going and you have no idea how. At all. You summed it up perfectly.

Hopefully, this worked for people.
It worked perfectly for me - Spencer's in this wildish, totally unhinged place that happens in these situations. And it's interesting because Spencer seems like he's generally a pretty controlled person, and so him spiralling out of control is sort of this helpless, slow-motion fishtail.

Spencer has no fucking idea what he's doing, this all feels unreal in a sharp-edged way.
I love this line. I love this line so so so so much. (I'm not sure I want to examine what that says about me)

Okay, this may be a truly stupid question, but... "puts paid to" means... proved wrong? Or proved right? I'm totally unfamiliar with that phrase.

I love this fic. I love the royal mess Spencer's made. I love the way disasterous relationship endings ripple outwards, causing all sorts of consequences which can't even necessarily be seen or predicted. Bad decisions spiral like that.

I also love the way you can't see anything from Patrick's POV - you're as trapped in Spencer's head as SPENCER is trapped in Spencer's head, and I love the effect. Though, god, I feel bad for Patrick in this one - he just got caught in the undertow of Spencer and Brendon's drama.

[joyfulseeker]

I have more stuff to say, but first, "put paid to" means "get rid of."

I love this idea:

I also love the way you can't see anything from Patrick's POV - you're as trapped in Spencer's head as SPENCER is trapped in Spencer's head

We'll pretend I meant to do that! as opposed to my utter inability to comprehend anything other than limited POVs.

[natilathehun]

Okay, that's rather what I thought, but I wanted to make sure I was getting that right.

I totally believe that the reader-work relationship is more important than the authorial-work relationship, and even if you, as the writer, didn't conciously INTEND to include a detail, it just happened - that's still a valid, important, well-done bit of crafting. It was just inadvertant. Sometimes stories are smart than you, and know what they want/need when you don't.

Which possibly I'd've said in a less-crazy-sounding way if it were not two fifteen am and therefore past my bedtime.

[joyfulseeker]

See, I just don't understand why someone WOULDN'T want this kind of comment. Someone tells you lots of stuff about how they feel about your writing! What's not awesome about that?

It's like that for me, too, at it's best - and then sometimes I get stuck and discover that I need to Phone A Friend because my subconcious, she is CLUELESS. It's tragic when that happens.

I often start wailing at a certain point in the story-writing process about how I don't know what I'm doing, and it all sucks, and it's terrible and I just shouldn't write anything else ever. One of my friends has told me that I should really map that onto meaning that I'm on the right track. One of these days, maybe.

Also, I love that Patrick thinks of buying new clothes as something you do when all your clothes are dirty.

Ahahahahahahahahahhh I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT. Oh, I adore them.

Spencer is so wonderfully unhinged here, but in such a CONTROLLED way. It's... amazingly well-done, really.

See, that's the thing. Looking back on this, he isn't going to be able to say it wasn't his fault. He just isn't.

Wait, which one is this? This sounds unfamiliar! I may need it liek now! *makes gimme hands*

If you search the Fused website for Fall Out Boy, they've got a whole bunch of video clips, little mini-interviews FOB did right before they were going to go headline at Warped. In one of them, Patrick talks about how much he hates being outside. In another, Pete falls off the block he's sitting on. Just. Falls over backwards, and then he's off. It's so hilarious I had to watch it three times. That is not relevant to my point, except in the way that I firmly believe that everyone should watch that clip. EVERYONE.

The pause there is interesting and says something I like about Pete and Patrick, I guess? I don't know.

I tend to make Patrick's speech patterns pretty stuttery. He has a distinct rhythm to his speech, one with lots of stops and starts.

Also, I absolutely and totally agree with your evaluation of the Pete Wentz-PATD relationship. He's the awesome uncle, is what he is.

[natilathehun]

I write these up for a lot of things I read, and sometimes for media - I definitely did for Patrick's tour of LA yesterday. I usually delete them after, but it's better than talking out LOUD to my computer!

I dunno. I feel like it is rambly and obnoxious. I commentate EVERYTHING. *shrug*

I often start wailing at a certain point in the story-writing process about how I don't know what I'm doing, and it all sucks, and it's terrible and I just shouldn't write anything else ever.
Well, if you find you need more ego-stroking at those times, I'm always around. I tend to be good for cheerleading and poking and coming up with outlandish ideas and not much else. ^_~

Looking back on this, he isn't going to be able to say it wasn't his fault. He just isn't.
No. Because it is. Of course it is.
These things always are. (not his, of course - but whoever's)

Oooh. *makes note*

I love love love Patrick's speech patterns. I don't think I do justice to them, generally. Your version really works for me, though.

Oh thank god. I did NOT think I was expressing myself at all clearly.