Something Funny [Raven; LJ Idol season 9, week 12]
Flying monkeys. Freaking flying monkeys.
When I'd heard about monkeys on the loose in the city, I didn't exactly jump into action. I fight bad guys. Criminals. Supervillains. That kind of thing. Not animals. That was for Animal Control and other local authorities, not a superhero. But Dani gave me that look of hers, the one that tends to trump any excuse I ever come up with, so I suited up and went in search of rampaging monkeys.
With the help of a police scanner and social media, which Dani scoured for info and relayed to me via my cellphone and earwig, I was able to track the pests. I found them attacking a group of people that evidently hadn't gotten the "shelter in place" emergency alert that had gone out an hour earlier. Now they were under attack by monkeys. And not your run of the mill kind, oh no. Flying monkeys. What the hell.
I swore and told Dani what I was seeing. I couldn't tell if her silence was surprise or her patented way of saying "I told you so." It didn't matter. I threw myself into the fray. I bodychecked a monkey, knocking it away from the woman it had its claws (fingers?) dug into. "Run!" I shouted at her. She ran, cowering close to the ground, arms over her head. The monkeys didn't follow. I didn't really give them a chance.
There were three of them. They were generally monkey-shaped, with the wonderful additions of evil red eyes, clawed hands, and bat-like wings. I hadn't been traumatized by the ones in the Wizard of Oz, but these guys were definite nightmare material. Their screams were even worse than their looks. The screams of their victims mingled with theirs to make a horrible cacophony that made me want to slap my hands over my ears. And maybe run away.
Sadly, I didn't have that option. The one I'd slammed recovered fast. It screamed and launched itself at me. I got my knife up just in time to slash at it even as it slashed at me with its claws. We both scored hits, neither of them deep. I whirled and leaped at it before it could gain altitude. My knife bit into its left wing. It screamed again and tried to turn, but the injured wing didn't respond right. Its tail lashed, but I avoided it and struck again, burying my knife into its belly. It fell from the air and hit the ground with a thud. One down.
I spun, knife up. The other two had pulled back a little, circling higher and eyeing me warily. It gave me a second to pull the pistol-like tranq gun I'd brought. It was convenient, but it didn't have a great range. I flexed my hand, grimacing up at the creatures. I needed the closer.
I looked at the people still cowering on the ground, all of them bleeding. "Run!" I shouted at them. "Get inside!"
When the people scrambled to their feet and started running, the monkeys dove. I'd kinda known they would. I sighted and fired, hitting the first monkey easily. It hit the ground within two beats of its wings. The other one screamed and pulled up before I could prep and fire the gun again. I swore, watching it fly higher and away.
"Raven?" Dani's voice asked in my ear.
"I'm fine. One of the things got away. Can you get EMTs here? I don't think anyone's badly hurt, but they're wounded."
"Already on the way. Animal Control, too. They can take care of the bodies."
"Good. Let me know if you hear anything about more attacks, or where the other one heads."
"Will do."
I looked at the monkey I'd tranqed. I didn't know how long it would be out, and I couldn't risk it waking up among civilians who weren't prepared for it. I set my jaw and knelt beside it. With one quick stroke, I opened its neck.
A quick glance around showed faces staring from the window of a store nearby. Satisfied that the monkey attack victims were safe, I split.
I hit up one of my supply caches to patch up the scratches in my arm. While there, I traded out the tranq gun for a pistol crossbow. It had better range and, even better, could use the pointy kind of ammo as well as the tranq darts.
I was just heading back out onto the street when Dani checked back in. "I've got a lead for you. People are saying there are more of these things in the southeastern part of the city, around Edgebrook. A few people claim they've seen strange things going on in a library, and that the monkeys have been flying around there."
"Worth a look," I said. "What's my fastest way there?"
A twenty-minute motorcycle ride later, I got to the street the library was on. I parked the bike a couple blocks away and headed up on foot. Dani's sources (it was easier to think of them like that than as "people on the internet") hadn't failed me: there was something weird going on here. For starters, there were two monkeys flying around overhead. Guard dogs, I figured. I readied my crossbow with the pointy kind of bolts.
When the creatures dove for me, I was ready for them. Of course, I missed my first shot and had to roll out of the way of one of the creatures, but I came up and fired on the other one, hitting it in the wing. It fell. When the first monkey came back around, I got it in the belly, downing it, too.
A shriek came from the library, teeth-rattlingly shrill. It wasn't one of the monkey's screams; it sounded like a woman. Maybe like a witch.
I eyed the monkeys on the ground. "Right..."
I crossed the lawn of the library. Before I could get to the front doors, they slammed open and another monkey hurtled towards me. I fired the crossbow in sheer instinct and panic. The first two bolts missed, but the third and fourth hit square on in the belly and throat. The thing's momentum sent it sailing past me to thud on the ground behind me.
That shriek sounded again. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, DEARIE!"
I grit my teeth and yanked the library doors open. I entered into a wide, circular area with reception off to the right and the library proper stretching out on the left. All the lights were off, but it was lit by lots of candles and eerie, sourceless green lights. In the center was a witch, stirring a cauldron. She wasn't just any witch, of course, but the Wicked Witch. Or at least, she wanted to be. She really wasn't all that imposing. Honestly, it kind of looked like she was wearing a halloween costume she'd gotten at Party City or something.
She wasn't even stirring a cauldron. Of all things, it was a barrel.
A barrel? I stared at it, then at her. "You know, you're kind of mixing references here," I told her.
"Shut up!" she snapped at me. "You will die for your insolence!"
"Yeah, I don't think so."
She snarled. "You doubt my power?" She raised her hands and a mist-covered something rose from the barrel with them.
The mist cleared, revealing yet another flying monkey.
I pointed the crossbow and fired twice before it could even move. It fell back into the barrel with a splash.
I put two and two together. "So that's how you're doing it, huh?" I reached into a belt pouch and pulled out a small device. "You might want to move back," I warned the witch and then pitched the device into the barrel. Then I backed up.
The barrel went boom. It was a small boom, but the witch hadn't moved away, so she was knocked backwards. I'd crouched down, but bits of debris hit me. When my head stopped ringing, I went to check on her. She was alive, but blackened and bleeding. I used one of the tranq darts to make sure she'd stay down until the authorities arrived to arrest her. I had no doubt she'd be put away. Witchcraft wielded as a weapon could get you lots of years in prison around here.
"Raven?" Dani's voice was a little beyond concerned. "You there?"
"Yeah, sorry." I shook my head, trying to clear the residual ringing. "I'm fine. The Wicked Witch is -- not dead, but down."
"So are the monkeys, apparently. They all just stopped moving a few minutes ago."
I let out a breath. "Good. I thought they would." I rolled my shoulders, wincing. "That means I can go home, right?"
She chuckled. "Yeah. Come home. I'll help wash the monkey stink off of you."
I grinned and headed for the exit. "See you soon."
[While I am writing a number Raven stories for Idol this season, they're all intended to stand alone! They're snapshots of Raven and company's lives, rather than pieces of a specific story.]
When I'd heard about monkeys on the loose in the city, I didn't exactly jump into action. I fight bad guys. Criminals. Supervillains. That kind of thing. Not animals. That was for Animal Control and other local authorities, not a superhero. But Dani gave me that look of hers, the one that tends to trump any excuse I ever come up with, so I suited up and went in search of rampaging monkeys.
With the help of a police scanner and social media, which Dani scoured for info and relayed to me via my cellphone and earwig, I was able to track the pests. I found them attacking a group of people that evidently hadn't gotten the "shelter in place" emergency alert that had gone out an hour earlier. Now they were under attack by monkeys. And not your run of the mill kind, oh no. Flying monkeys. What the hell.
I swore and told Dani what I was seeing. I couldn't tell if her silence was surprise or her patented way of saying "I told you so." It didn't matter. I threw myself into the fray. I bodychecked a monkey, knocking it away from the woman it had its claws (fingers?) dug into. "Run!" I shouted at her. She ran, cowering close to the ground, arms over her head. The monkeys didn't follow. I didn't really give them a chance.
There were three of them. They were generally monkey-shaped, with the wonderful additions of evil red eyes, clawed hands, and bat-like wings. I hadn't been traumatized by the ones in the Wizard of Oz, but these guys were definite nightmare material. Their screams were even worse than their looks. The screams of their victims mingled with theirs to make a horrible cacophony that made me want to slap my hands over my ears. And maybe run away.
Sadly, I didn't have that option. The one I'd slammed recovered fast. It screamed and launched itself at me. I got my knife up just in time to slash at it even as it slashed at me with its claws. We both scored hits, neither of them deep. I whirled and leaped at it before it could gain altitude. My knife bit into its left wing. It screamed again and tried to turn, but the injured wing didn't respond right. Its tail lashed, but I avoided it and struck again, burying my knife into its belly. It fell from the air and hit the ground with a thud. One down.
I spun, knife up. The other two had pulled back a little, circling higher and eyeing me warily. It gave me a second to pull the pistol-like tranq gun I'd brought. It was convenient, but it didn't have a great range. I flexed my hand, grimacing up at the creatures. I needed the closer.
I looked at the people still cowering on the ground, all of them bleeding. "Run!" I shouted at them. "Get inside!"
When the people scrambled to their feet and started running, the monkeys dove. I'd kinda known they would. I sighted and fired, hitting the first monkey easily. It hit the ground within two beats of its wings. The other one screamed and pulled up before I could prep and fire the gun again. I swore, watching it fly higher and away.
"Raven?" Dani's voice asked in my ear.
"I'm fine. One of the things got away. Can you get EMTs here? I don't think anyone's badly hurt, but they're wounded."
"Already on the way. Animal Control, too. They can take care of the bodies."
"Good. Let me know if you hear anything about more attacks, or where the other one heads."
"Will do."
I looked at the monkey I'd tranqed. I didn't know how long it would be out, and I couldn't risk it waking up among civilians who weren't prepared for it. I set my jaw and knelt beside it. With one quick stroke, I opened its neck.
A quick glance around showed faces staring from the window of a store nearby. Satisfied that the monkey attack victims were safe, I split.
I hit up one of my supply caches to patch up the scratches in my arm. While there, I traded out the tranq gun for a pistol crossbow. It had better range and, even better, could use the pointy kind of ammo as well as the tranq darts.
I was just heading back out onto the street when Dani checked back in. "I've got a lead for you. People are saying there are more of these things in the southeastern part of the city, around Edgebrook. A few people claim they've seen strange things going on in a library, and that the monkeys have been flying around there."
"Worth a look," I said. "What's my fastest way there?"
A twenty-minute motorcycle ride later, I got to the street the library was on. I parked the bike a couple blocks away and headed up on foot. Dani's sources (it was easier to think of them like that than as "people on the internet") hadn't failed me: there was something weird going on here. For starters, there were two monkeys flying around overhead. Guard dogs, I figured. I readied my crossbow with the pointy kind of bolts.
When the creatures dove for me, I was ready for them. Of course, I missed my first shot and had to roll out of the way of one of the creatures, but I came up and fired on the other one, hitting it in the wing. It fell. When the first monkey came back around, I got it in the belly, downing it, too.
A shriek came from the library, teeth-rattlingly shrill. It wasn't one of the monkey's screams; it sounded like a woman. Maybe like a witch.
I eyed the monkeys on the ground. "Right..."
I crossed the lawn of the library. Before I could get to the front doors, they slammed open and another monkey hurtled towards me. I fired the crossbow in sheer instinct and panic. The first two bolts missed, but the third and fourth hit square on in the belly and throat. The thing's momentum sent it sailing past me to thud on the ground behind me.
That shriek sounded again. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, DEARIE!"
I grit my teeth and yanked the library doors open. I entered into a wide, circular area with reception off to the right and the library proper stretching out on the left. All the lights were off, but it was lit by lots of candles and eerie, sourceless green lights. In the center was a witch, stirring a cauldron. She wasn't just any witch, of course, but the Wicked Witch. Or at least, she wanted to be. She really wasn't all that imposing. Honestly, it kind of looked like she was wearing a halloween costume she'd gotten at Party City or something.
She wasn't even stirring a cauldron. Of all things, it was a barrel.
A barrel? I stared at it, then at her. "You know, you're kind of mixing references here," I told her.
"Shut up!" she snapped at me. "You will die for your insolence!"
"Yeah, I don't think so."
She snarled. "You doubt my power?" She raised her hands and a mist-covered something rose from the barrel with them.
The mist cleared, revealing yet another flying monkey.
I pointed the crossbow and fired twice before it could even move. It fell back into the barrel with a splash.
I put two and two together. "So that's how you're doing it, huh?" I reached into a belt pouch and pulled out a small device. "You might want to move back," I warned the witch and then pitched the device into the barrel. Then I backed up.
The barrel went boom. It was a small boom, but the witch hadn't moved away, so she was knocked backwards. I'd crouched down, but bits of debris hit me. When my head stopped ringing, I went to check on her. She was alive, but blackened and bleeding. I used one of the tranq darts to make sure she'd stay down until the authorities arrived to arrest her. I had no doubt she'd be put away. Witchcraft wielded as a weapon could get you lots of years in prison around here.
"Raven?" Dani's voice was a little beyond concerned. "You there?"
"Yeah, sorry." I shook my head, trying to clear the residual ringing. "I'm fine. The Wicked Witch is -- not dead, but down."
"So are the monkeys, apparently. They all just stopped moving a few minutes ago."
I let out a breath. "Good. I thought they would." I rolled my shoulders, wincing. "That means I can go home, right?"
She chuckled. "Yeah. Come home. I'll help wash the monkey stink off of you."
I grinned and headed for the exit. "See you soon."
[While I am writing a number Raven stories for Idol this season, they're all intended to stand alone! They're snapshots of Raven and company's lives, rather than pieces of a specific story.]