Meta: "Bullies" - the ugly word with "R"
"R" like "responsibility".
Parents,
Your little princes and princesses are capable of rotten behaviour. That's hard to believe, I know, but as much as you like the idea: you haven't brought the perfect human into this world. The sooner you realise and act upon this, the bigger the chance your kid will have a future and not ruin the future of other people. If your kid is a bully, it's not because "that other kid shouldn't flaunt his sexuality" or "she shouldn't dress funny", it's because your kid is a miserable git. Deal with it, take responsibility and stop making excuses.
Teachers,
Bullies are a pest, and so are their parents. Seeing how there's often no backing for you from your superiors, it's understandable that you're tempted to look the other way. Understandable, but not excusable. You see bullying? Somebody turns to you for help? Take action. It's your job and your responsibility.
Witnesses,
Somebody you know is being bullied? That's terrible. What are you going to do about it? Nothing? Ah, you're worried you might be bullied as well. You have various options now: a) alert people in charge, b) support the victim, c) confront the bullies, d) do nothing. Let's be honest, most people will go for d), so you won't be alone. But do us all a favour and be honest about it, take responsibility and don't sob later in front of a camera how you always felt sorry for poor Sue or Steven. Nobody cares. It's not about you.
Friends,
Your mate's being bullied? Be there for them. The knowledge that one is not alone can be such a big help. Listen, make notes, be supportive. Sitting down with your friend over a cup of tea and just listening to their problems can mean the world. Standing up for somebody else is not easy, but give it a try. Bullies are cowards, they rather hunt for loners than for members of a group. Supporting and protecting your friend is your responsibility, and if you can't provide this, be honest about it.
Victims,
You are not responsible. Bullying shouldn't exist, but it does, because I believe that, deep down, we're made that way. Thousands of years of "civilisation" haven't done much for our spiritual growth. We fly to Mars and transplant hearts, but we're still not capable of living with the fact that somebody might look, act, think, believe or love in a different way than we do. We're basically cavemen in suits. All I can tell you: you're not alone. It's not your fault. It's not the colour of your skin, not your beliefs, not your sexuality, not the fact that you wear glasses. It's not you, it's them. Don't let anybody try to convince you otherwise. Don't feel bad about your anger and frustration, you have every right to feel hurt. Try to reach out for help; it's difficult, I know, but unfortunately, it's still far too often left to the victim to make this first important step.
Bullies,
No matter how important you think you are, no matter how many friends you have, no matter how much your parents sprinkle you with fairy dust and think you fart unicorns: there will always, always be bigger bullies than you out there, and eventually, they'll find you. Keep that in mind. Some of you might have had a bad start into life and a difficult familiar background. But you know, there comes the point in your life when you have to take charge of it and take responsibility for your actions, and that moment must come before you ruin somebody else's life.
I've been bullied and I've been a witness of bullying. I sometimes went for option b), once for option c), but far too often for option d). In that, I've failed as a human being. That's my responsibility. But I've realised through the years that, while we are cavemen in suits, we also have the gift and the ability to learn from our mistakes and evolve. That's what we have to do, each of us, every day anew.
"Regardless of legal outcomes, our hope is that our family's personal tragedy will serve as a call for compassion, empathy, and human dignity". - The parents of Tyler Clementi
Molly originally posted this entry at http://joyful-molly.dreamwidth.org/272493.html. You can comment on LJ or DW, using OpenID.
Parents,
Your little princes and princesses are capable of rotten behaviour. That's hard to believe, I know, but as much as you like the idea: you haven't brought the perfect human into this world. The sooner you realise and act upon this, the bigger the chance your kid will have a future and not ruin the future of other people. If your kid is a bully, it's not because "that other kid shouldn't flaunt his sexuality" or "she shouldn't dress funny", it's because your kid is a miserable git. Deal with it, take responsibility and stop making excuses.
Teachers,
Bullies are a pest, and so are their parents. Seeing how there's often no backing for you from your superiors, it's understandable that you're tempted to look the other way. Understandable, but not excusable. You see bullying? Somebody turns to you for help? Take action. It's your job and your responsibility.
Witnesses,
Somebody you know is being bullied? That's terrible. What are you going to do about it? Nothing? Ah, you're worried you might be bullied as well. You have various options now: a) alert people in charge, b) support the victim, c) confront the bullies, d) do nothing. Let's be honest, most people will go for d), so you won't be alone. But do us all a favour and be honest about it, take responsibility and don't sob later in front of a camera how you always felt sorry for poor Sue or Steven. Nobody cares. It's not about you.
Friends,
Your mate's being bullied? Be there for them. The knowledge that one is not alone can be such a big help. Listen, make notes, be supportive. Sitting down with your friend over a cup of tea and just listening to their problems can mean the world. Standing up for somebody else is not easy, but give it a try. Bullies are cowards, they rather hunt for loners than for members of a group. Supporting and protecting your friend is your responsibility, and if you can't provide this, be honest about it.
Victims,
You are not responsible. Bullying shouldn't exist, but it does, because I believe that, deep down, we're made that way. Thousands of years of "civilisation" haven't done much for our spiritual growth. We fly to Mars and transplant hearts, but we're still not capable of living with the fact that somebody might look, act, think, believe or love in a different way than we do. We're basically cavemen in suits. All I can tell you: you're not alone. It's not your fault. It's not the colour of your skin, not your beliefs, not your sexuality, not the fact that you wear glasses. It's not you, it's them. Don't let anybody try to convince you otherwise. Don't feel bad about your anger and frustration, you have every right to feel hurt. Try to reach out for help; it's difficult, I know, but unfortunately, it's still far too often left to the victim to make this first important step.
Bullies,
No matter how important you think you are, no matter how many friends you have, no matter how much your parents sprinkle you with fairy dust and think you fart unicorns: there will always, always be bigger bullies than you out there, and eventually, they'll find you. Keep that in mind. Some of you might have had a bad start into life and a difficult familiar background. But you know, there comes the point in your life when you have to take charge of it and take responsibility for your actions, and that moment must come before you ruin somebody else's life.
I've been bullied and I've been a witness of bullying. I sometimes went for option b), once for option c), but far too often for option d). In that, I've failed as a human being. That's my responsibility. But I've realised through the years that, while we are cavemen in suits, we also have the gift and the ability to learn from our mistakes and evolve. That's what we have to do, each of us, every day anew.
"Regardless of legal outcomes, our hope is that our family's personal tragedy will serve as a call for compassion, empathy, and human dignity". - The parents of Tyler Clementi
Molly originally posted this entry at http://joyful-molly.dreamwidth.org/272493.html. You can comment on LJ or DW, using OpenID.