God's the only one who saves the little girl inside
I feel like that little girl ALL the time. I never feel like I'm 13 years old in my walk with God. Ok that in our standards is a little girl. I wish I would stop seeing everyone as a bigger Christian with bigger faith. I wouldn't be so hard and down on myself right now if I could stop comparing myself. Also, lately I've been feeling like people are hanging out with me not because they want to, but because they feel they have to. I know that it's probably all in my head, but sometimes it feels like I'm just not invited to things that they had room to invite me to. Or if they honestly didn't have room a spot miraciously shows up and they tell me a story about how random it was that "Dick" went with them. Like everyone went to a hockey game on Saturday that I didn't even know was happening. That majorly sucked... Sure, I am not the most gunhoe person about school athletics but COME ON I want to do things with my Saturday besides just sit here in my nice little dorm room. Talking about my dorm room it needs some cleaning... BLAH I hate life right now. I know my friends love me, but it just seems like that girl in high school that never felt loved even if she was is haunting me. I hate it... I wish I could give that girl up to God. I know I'm loved, I just don't always feel it. I feel like people are just putting up with me, because in high school that's often how it was. A friend of mine told me how some of the girls we hung out with told her how they didn't like me because I was too nice... I should probably stop being so nice. I actually do hate being nice and always being here for people. It's like Joy never has problems let's go talk to her. And now that I'm actually saying how I feel, I feel very selfish and wonder if people see me that way and THAT is what sucks. I'm finally becoming a person with feelings that wants to let other people know about those feelings and I feel selfish about it... UGH That's all thank you...