musings...or ramblings
well i failed my physics midterm (58)...i probably have a c of some sort for the semester. almost all my other classes are b's of some sort. all signs seem to indicate that i will not be going to (what i thought was) my dream school. shitty. at least i have about 2.5 months to prepare myself for the official word.
i've always wondered at what point the cutoff lies. how many schools do you need to be rejected from before you voluntarily decide none of your options are satisfactory and maybe you'll have better luck next year? when do you try to make the best of attending what you thought was a safety school and when do you decide to take a year (or semester) off? what about the adjustment period? in my experience it always takes 6 months to adjust to a new home/lifestyle. and if you move to the college believing you dont want to be there and you're planning to leave, you're damning your experience from the start. perhaps once you've decided to go to a college, you should assume that you will stay there for all of freshman year (8-9 months). but then if you stay for all freshman year, is it really worth it to try to transfer out? i really do wish things were less complicated.
on second thought, it just might be worth it. i've adapted to certain long term circumstances, but that doesn't necessarily mean i'm happy with them. that's possibly the biggest upside to this whole college process, since it is the first time i've actually had a say in where i live and go to school. since we're pretty likely to get a good education anywhere we go (some better than others...but it really depends on the profs) the way i should have attacked this process was by looking at where i would actually be happy. i did that to some extent, but i also kind of got sucked into the prestige issue..and the staying close to home bit.
so i guess what's actually bothering me right now is not that i did poorly this semester, but rather the fear that i didn't apply to the right schools. haha a mr greenwell quote that he drilled into our heads sophomore year comes to mind. he used to say "total freedom means total responsibility" and i think now i have a better idea of what it means. there are over 3,600 colleges in the u.s. and the possibilities are pretty much endless. but another idea that comes to mind is the 20th century concept that people are victims of circumstance. but then is circumstance our fate, or is something we have to overcome? there are many possibilities. instead of dwelling on what is already past, i think now i'll revert to that fatalism bullshit and tell myself that i did the best job i could, given the circumstances, and whatever happens will be for the best. and if it doesn't, this is america. you always get a second chance here.
i've always wondered at what point the cutoff lies. how many schools do you need to be rejected from before you voluntarily decide none of your options are satisfactory and maybe you'll have better luck next year? when do you try to make the best of attending what you thought was a safety school and when do you decide to take a year (or semester) off? what about the adjustment period? in my experience it always takes 6 months to adjust to a new home/lifestyle. and if you move to the college believing you dont want to be there and you're planning to leave, you're damning your experience from the start. perhaps once you've decided to go to a college, you should assume that you will stay there for all of freshman year (8-9 months). but then if you stay for all freshman year, is it really worth it to try to transfer out? i really do wish things were less complicated.
on second thought, it just might be worth it. i've adapted to certain long term circumstances, but that doesn't necessarily mean i'm happy with them. that's possibly the biggest upside to this whole college process, since it is the first time i've actually had a say in where i live and go to school. since we're pretty likely to get a good education anywhere we go (some better than others...but it really depends on the profs) the way i should have attacked this process was by looking at where i would actually be happy. i did that to some extent, but i also kind of got sucked into the prestige issue..and the staying close to home bit.
so i guess what's actually bothering me right now is not that i did poorly this semester, but rather the fear that i didn't apply to the right schools. haha a mr greenwell quote that he drilled into our heads sophomore year comes to mind. he used to say "total freedom means total responsibility" and i think now i have a better idea of what it means. there are over 3,600 colleges in the u.s. and the possibilities are pretty much endless. but another idea that comes to mind is the 20th century concept that people are victims of circumstance. but then is circumstance our fate, or is something we have to overcome? there are many possibilities. instead of dwelling on what is already past, i think now i'll revert to that fatalism bullshit and tell myself that i did the best job i could, given the circumstances, and whatever happens will be for the best. and if it doesn't, this is america. you always get a second chance here.