(no subject)
Feelings are weird things. Sad, happy, angry...you're never really JUST one, but a mixture. I'm never fully any of these really descriptive words designed to explain how I FEEL. Can anyone really understand fully how another person feels though? Everyone feels happy and sad differently. If everyone just got it, we wouldn't need these underwhelming words to help give an inkling of one's inner thoughts. So, Love. It's supposed to be a FEELING. It's more of a mosh pit of other emotions thrown together. They jostle to be seen each in their turn.
Love can make you so sad and angry and happy and everything. All at once, one at a time. It seems people use "love" as an excuse to hurt someone. You love them too much, they loved you too much, when in reality, NO ONE understands this word. This "emotion" or "feeling" because you CAN'T understand emotions. If you could, there would be a pill for it. Somehow, though, people search for this love. Normally not the mosh pit of emotions that is never perfect, no, they search for the cinematic "I knew the moment I met you" love. When the emotional pit turns over to fear or anger or sadness people think they have "fallen out" of love and don't realize it is a part of it. Or there never was a love to begin with, just a vain search. We all eventually say it, though. I love you, whether you mean it or not. Whether you THINK you mean it, or not.
Why do we get this urge to say "I love you" at the most inopportune moments? You see it and hear about it all the time. A girl Screaming, "But I love you!" as the man walks out of her life. Someone letting the words slip in a heated bedroom session (NEVER a good idea). People who think to say it it must be dramatic and spell it out with hot air balloons and on sports events big screens. In fact, there never seems to be a good time or a good way to say it. It leaves you so vulnerable. You NEVER want to say it first. If you do, it gives the other person the upper hand. What if they don't feel it? Then you just uttered the words that leave you so open to someone who will inevitable hurt you.
Yet it is just as hard NOT to say it as it is TO say it. When you "feel" it you have to utter it. It will go around and around in your head. "I love you, I love you, I LOVE you." It's what you want to say, but is it really what you NEED to say? What if you find the feeling you thought you had was nothing more than drinking too much caffeine? You were on a sugar high. Maybe it's not Love, but lust. It's hard to know when emotions really aren't that knowable. I'm never sure exactly what I feel. Yeah, I feel mad at my dad, but that's not it. I am mad because if I wasn't, I'd be scared and sad. Mad is just a cover, a mask for what's behind it. All these little words are good to give outsiders a description, but they never reach the heart of it. No one can ever fully understand you. Let's face it, we never fully understand OURSELVES either. It makes life a better journey for sure. I wouldn't want someone who thought they fully knew me. It would be so BORING.
SO what is love? To me, I guess it's everything. It's all the emotions. If you love someone, you aren't afraid to get mad at them. You aren't afraid to let them see you cry, and let them know it is over them. They don't make you happy 100% of the time, because who wants to be happy 100% of the time? Someone who confuses you, so that you are constantly challenged. I just hope I don't get blinded by all these feelings so I can see it, or see through it. Who knows if it is truly Love, those butterflies could be bad sushi.
Love can make you so sad and angry and happy and everything. All at once, one at a time. It seems people use "love" as an excuse to hurt someone. You love them too much, they loved you too much, when in reality, NO ONE understands this word. This "emotion" or "feeling" because you CAN'T understand emotions. If you could, there would be a pill for it. Somehow, though, people search for this love. Normally not the mosh pit of emotions that is never perfect, no, they search for the cinematic "I knew the moment I met you" love. When the emotional pit turns over to fear or anger or sadness people think they have "fallen out" of love and don't realize it is a part of it. Or there never was a love to begin with, just a vain search. We all eventually say it, though. I love you, whether you mean it or not. Whether you THINK you mean it, or not.
Why do we get this urge to say "I love you" at the most inopportune moments? You see it and hear about it all the time. A girl Screaming, "But I love you!" as the man walks out of her life. Someone letting the words slip in a heated bedroom session (NEVER a good idea). People who think to say it it must be dramatic and spell it out with hot air balloons and on sports events big screens. In fact, there never seems to be a good time or a good way to say it. It leaves you so vulnerable. You NEVER want to say it first. If you do, it gives the other person the upper hand. What if they don't feel it? Then you just uttered the words that leave you so open to someone who will inevitable hurt you.
Yet it is just as hard NOT to say it as it is TO say it. When you "feel" it you have to utter it. It will go around and around in your head. "I love you, I love you, I LOVE you." It's what you want to say, but is it really what you NEED to say? What if you find the feeling you thought you had was nothing more than drinking too much caffeine? You were on a sugar high. Maybe it's not Love, but lust. It's hard to know when emotions really aren't that knowable. I'm never sure exactly what I feel. Yeah, I feel mad at my dad, but that's not it. I am mad because if I wasn't, I'd be scared and sad. Mad is just a cover, a mask for what's behind it. All these little words are good to give outsiders a description, but they never reach the heart of it. No one can ever fully understand you. Let's face it, we never fully understand OURSELVES either. It makes life a better journey for sure. I wouldn't want someone who thought they fully knew me. It would be so BORING.
SO what is love? To me, I guess it's everything. It's all the emotions. If you love someone, you aren't afraid to get mad at them. You aren't afraid to let them see you cry, and let them know it is over them. They don't make you happy 100% of the time, because who wants to be happy 100% of the time? Someone who confuses you, so that you are constantly challenged. I just hope I don't get blinded by all these feelings so I can see it, or see through it. Who knows if it is truly Love, those butterflies could be bad sushi.