=(
I was slapped in the face on Wednesday....an emotional slap. I was lied to by the one person I thought would never lie to me, was promised that there would always only be truth....but we all have judgment mistakes....me more than most especially in this one person.
I try to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I try to ignore the fact that my stomach does somersaults when I think about it. I try to block the tears when days pass and no communication from someone I had considered my best friend. You can tell me and my friendship means a lot.
I want to talk about it, I need to but that would be admitting to so many things. And when I do try to talk about it I feel like I'm imposing on others, like they're humoring me but really just want me to shut up...Like I'm trespassing on their time and boring the shit out of them.
I know what I should do. I need to suck it up, block him out, and move myself on. And for the most part I am....until I slow down enough that my mind wanders back in that direction. I'm pushing myself past the point of exhaustion just so that my mind is too tired to think, that my body is too tired to feel, but yet there are still moments when it catches up to me and all I want to do is break down or have someone take the pain away.
UGH!
I try to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I try to ignore the fact that my stomach does somersaults when I think about it. I try to block the tears when days pass and no communication from someone I had considered my best friend. You can tell me and my friendship means a lot.
I want to talk about it, I need to but that would be admitting to so many things. And when I do try to talk about it I feel like I'm imposing on others, like they're humoring me but really just want me to shut up...Like I'm trespassing on their time and boring the shit out of them.
I know what I should do. I need to suck it up, block him out, and move myself on. And for the most part I am....until I slow down enough that my mind wanders back in that direction. I'm pushing myself past the point of exhaustion just so that my mind is too tired to think, that my body is too tired to feel, but yet there are still moments when it catches up to me and all I want to do is break down or have someone take the pain away.
UGH!