Doctors Diary: Voyage of the Damned
Location: Titanic. Well I say the Titanic, it's not THE Titanic. It's the space ship one. Although why a space ship would have a lifebelt on is a bit weird... anyway, worried me for a moment, thought yet another of the old me's was gonna turn up again. Twice in one day is a bit embarassing.
Companion: None but hoping to pick up someone new soon. Haven't had sex with anyone but own right hand for a good day or so. V horny.
Dear Diary,
Am having the oddest day. Seem to have become caught in a crossover vortex as I keep coming across characters and scenarios blatently ripped off from old movies. V V weird. Ended up on Titanic, which was V V V confusing as looked lot like the actual Titanic (now that was a cruise from hell, all those cute sailor outfits and no time for me to raise my flag up anyone's pole). Turns out to be really cheesy cruise line doing one of those recreation themes, nicely done but so tacky can't believe people seriously pay to go on it!! I mean, like, hello?! Taste police calling! And they take the time to recreate all the outfits and stuff but no one checks on why the ship was famous?! Puh-Lease.
Still, not a complete waste of time as I did manage to pop my cork in public, I do like going off in someones face courtesy of a good twist of my Sonic Screwdriver.
So anyway, we get clobbered by meteors and I get trapped with a bunch of useless passengers and one fit (if slightly dumb) young filly in V short skirt and fuck me boots. V V Promising. Just have to find way to get rid of others and maybe I got me a new "companion". Did manage to test water by throwing myself on her when the ship rocked, gotta love the "Oh I fell over" move, almost as good as "run". Was bit worried when she called me Jason but she didn't object to quick fumble. Go me! Wonder if I can get her to keep the outfit, very foxy.... Will have to have it altered but still think it will suit me. Wonder if Jack would still refuse to "come with me" if I snuck back into Cardiff in that little ensemble.... Better go, stewards just been sucked out an airlock and need to do big "I'm a Time Lord" bit. Been practising in the mirror to look super macho, hope it works. Wish me luck!
Hair gel tubs used: 1
Outfits: 2
Movies/TV shows ripped off: Poseidon Adventure definitely. Oh and that Titanic film with the stupid frozen guy and the necklace, what was it called again? Oh it was on the Titanic and there was a guy called Jack and some blonde, what was her name again.... Uh it's on the tip of my tongue...
***********************************
Location: Um, deck.... What's that say? Oh well somewhere on the Titanic
Companion: Sexy blonde thing is definitely up for it!! Not much going on upstairs but definitely good at the "Help me Doctor, save me, save me" damsel in distress bit. Strong women are good but sometimes I can't help missing the good old days of twisted ankles and a really good scream.
Dear Diary,
Hmm seem to be losing the useless passengers at alarming rate including stupid woman in "most dumb death ever". I mean, hello, just push it over!!! Idiot. Not good, filly getting upset and not at all frisky, V V bad. Need to save more people. And may have competition in form of walking conker. Tough to beat beings with spikes, once you've had hedgehog you never go back. V V V V bad. What is it with the universal law of alien languages, why is it the weirder the colouring the more likely they are to have some stupid speech impediment? Chan'tho was bad enough...
Had to play baseball with mad frisbie angels. Too weird, I mean who throws a Hat, sorry Halo, come on??! Got nasty slash on shoulder that ripped suit, now am pissed. I like that Tux! Ok so admittedly every time I wear it someone tries to kill me, but they're just jealous cos I look good in it. Especially when I let my bow tie hang loose devillishly... Oh yeah, conker boy is out of the picture so yey for me! Gave Astrid his EMP thing and told her if she gripped me as strongly as she gripped that I would blow her circuits later. She winked. I am so in there! I may be 903 years old but I still got it!!
Hair gel tubs used: 2. Was v hot in there
Outfits worn/ruined: 2. Maybe that tux really is unlucky...
Consumed: 2 vol au vents, some spring rolls and those nibbly cheesy things
Movies/TV Shows ripped off: James Bond now, possibly even a bit of Terminator if you squint....
********************************
Location: Reception
Companion: I'm not having much luck with companions this week am I?
Dear Diary,
Bummer!! Turns out Dr Evil, sorry, Max Capricorn had evil plot to destroy Earth, V V Naughty. Was doing quite well with plan to defeat him until got caught by the angels. Haven't had that happen since I took on that Charlie bloke back in the seventies. Anyway, whilst I'm standing there helplessly watching foxy filly turns up and gets in the fork lift truck thing and decides to push him over the ledge. Why she didn't just jump out I don't know. Managed to break free of angels and see her fall. Was most sad to see pretty boots go. V V V depressing.
Got a lift with the old angel pair and popped up to see midshipman cutie, sorry Frame, and save the day. Had to get the Queen out of bed but alls well that ends well. Titanic doesn't handle as well as the TARDIS but still had a good ride. V V macho looking!
Anyway, turns out cutie wasn't completely gone but turned to atoms. Got to have a ghostly snog before I blew her off into space. Tried to ask her where she got boots but she was too far gone. V V sad. Dropped old guy off on Earth and got snowed on as usual - well it is Christmas - before heading off. Gonna go check out wardrobe for some decent fuck me boots, one of the old lot must have left some behind somewhere, then gonna go see if Jack has any mistletoe left. Damn him for being so irresistable.... Wish me luck!
Movies/TV Shows ripped off: Austin Powers
Humans Saved: 3. Well depends if you include the entire population of Earth. Again. And the Queen. And the corgis.
Humans endangered: Entire population of Earth. Again. Oops.