Captains Log: The Year that Never Was.
Day one
Chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Being denied access to a mirror. Oh the humanity!!
Food: Mashed potato
Day three
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant.
Food: Mashed carrots
Day five
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Hope the rugged and filthy look is in this year.
Food: Mushy peas
Day ten
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant.
Food: Baked beans. Am V glad they didn't put me too close to the engine or whole ship might explode at this rate....
Day 25
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. V Weird, Evil Old Queen came down to heckle but kept going on about Santa's Little Helper and the spare hand. Keep getting weird retcon type flashbacks of him in a Santa Hat and the xmas party. V V worried now.
Food: Mashed swede
Day 36
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil old queen keeps coming down and counting my grey hairs. Wish I had a mirror, don't believe him. Nononononono.
Food: Mashed brussel sprouts. Think he is trying to suffocate me with my own wind...
Grey hairs: Possibly 12 but I don't believe him.
Day 55
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil Old Queen seems mad at me for not knowing what he is going on about with the whole Santa thing. Has decided to torture me until I remember. V V bad!! Am being forced to watch Teletubbies for 24 hours straight. AAAGGGGHHHH!!!
Food: Tubby Custard
Day 69
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil Old Queen has been stepping up the torture. Ballamory has been playing for last two days. He has threatened to switch to cbeebies bedtime hour (apparently one of the readers looks just like me) if I don't remember what he is going on about. Help!!!
Food: Mashed Carrot
Day 86
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil Old queen has decided childrens telly isn't evil enough and is instead moving onto light entertainment. Forced to watch non stop Strictly Come Dancing with the veteran Bruce Forsyth. Can feel myself breaking.
Food: Rice pudding. I miss Ianto.
Day 121
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. More flashbacks coming through now, something involving photocopier, Harold Saxon, a Santa Hat, sprig of Mistletoe and the spare hand. And something about the coffee budget.... Ugh why can't I remember?!?
Food: Mashed turnip.
Day 150
Ohgod. I remember. ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.
Saxon came to the Christmas Party when he was Minister for Defence (and in charge of our budget). He was pissed that we spent more on coffee and cool sunglasses than actual weapons that year and threatened to sack Ianto unless I slept with him. Damn me for being so irresistable. Can't possibly let my staff suffer so agreed. V noble of me. Are all Time Lords that kinky or just the latest ones?! Showed him spare hand trick which he seemed to enjoy. Then he offered to buy me a new earpiece if I agreed to be an elf to his santa. Current earpiece looked like slug so agreed. Big mistake, V V Bad. Didn't think Santa was THAT friendly with his elves. And bet they don't make those kind of toys at the North Pole, where would they get all the rubber from? Was going to stop there but then he said he would give me more money for bigger guns and the take away budget if I....
Ugh. Wish I had more retcon. Feel V V sick.
Food: Mushy peas. Didn't eat them, stomach still churning.
Day 176
Master keeps coming down to my cell dressed in a santa beard and singing I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus. Don't know which is worse torture, food or his singing.
Food: Minced pies.
Day 211
Master keeps making the Jones family sing me christmas carols. Nooooooooo!!
Food: Minced pies
Day 245
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Have started hallucinating small green elves, V weird. I blame the food.
Food: Mashed cabbage.
Day 300
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Am bored now. Sooooooo bored. Have started talking to myself. Would be fine if I didn't have such a filthy mind and kep trying to seduce myself. Damn me for being so irresistable.
Food: Mashed potato
Day 364
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Yey!! A plan! Some action at last! I just have to hold on a little bit longer then I will be out of here! Or dead. Eh, either way it will be a change in scenery!
Food: Mashed swede yet again. Wonder if I will remember how to chew when we get out of here... As long as I remember how to suck I should be ok!
Chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Being denied access to a mirror. Oh the humanity!!
Food: Mashed potato
Day three
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant.
Food: Mashed carrots
Day five
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Hope the rugged and filthy look is in this year.
Food: Mushy peas
Day ten
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant.
Food: Baked beans. Am V glad they didn't put me too close to the engine or whole ship might explode at this rate....
Day 25
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. V Weird, Evil Old Queen came down to heckle but kept going on about Santa's Little Helper and the spare hand. Keep getting weird retcon type flashbacks of him in a Santa Hat and the xmas party. V V worried now.
Food: Mashed swede
Day 36
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil old queen keeps coming down and counting my grey hairs. Wish I had a mirror, don't believe him. Nononononono.
Food: Mashed brussel sprouts. Think he is trying to suffocate me with my own wind...
Grey hairs: Possibly 12 but I don't believe him.
Day 55
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil Old Queen seems mad at me for not knowing what he is going on about with the whole Santa thing. Has decided to torture me until I remember. V V bad!! Am being forced to watch Teletubbies for 24 hours straight. AAAGGGGHHHH!!!
Food: Tubby Custard
Day 69
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil Old Queen has been stepping up the torture. Ballamory has been playing for last two days. He has threatened to switch to cbeebies bedtime hour (apparently one of the readers looks just like me) if I don't remember what he is going on about. Help!!!
Food: Mashed Carrot
Day 86
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Evil Old queen has decided childrens telly isn't evil enough and is instead moving onto light entertainment. Forced to watch non stop Strictly Come Dancing with the veteran Bruce Forsyth. Can feel myself breaking.
Food: Rice pudding. I miss Ianto.
Day 121
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. More flashbacks coming through now, something involving photocopier, Harold Saxon, a Santa Hat, sprig of Mistletoe and the spare hand. And something about the coffee budget.... Ugh why can't I remember?!?
Food: Mashed turnip.
Day 150
Ohgod. I remember. ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.
Saxon came to the Christmas Party when he was Minister for Defence (and in charge of our budget). He was pissed that we spent more on coffee and cool sunglasses than actual weapons that year and threatened to sack Ianto unless I slept with him. Damn me for being so irresistable. Can't possibly let my staff suffer so agreed. V noble of me. Are all Time Lords that kinky or just the latest ones?! Showed him spare hand trick which he seemed to enjoy. Then he offered to buy me a new earpiece if I agreed to be an elf to his santa. Current earpiece looked like slug so agreed. Big mistake, V V Bad. Didn't think Santa was THAT friendly with his elves. And bet they don't make those kind of toys at the North Pole, where would they get all the rubber from? Was going to stop there but then he said he would give me more money for bigger guns and the take away budget if I....
Ugh. Wish I had more retcon. Feel V V sick.
Food: Mushy peas. Didn't eat them, stomach still churning.
Day 176
Master keeps coming down to my cell dressed in a santa beard and singing I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus. Don't know which is worse torture, food or his singing.
Food: Minced pies.
Day 211
Master keeps making the Jones family sing me christmas carols. Nooooooooo!!
Food: Minced pies
Day 245
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Have started hallucinating small green elves, V weird. I blame the food.
Food: Mashed cabbage.
Day 300
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Am bored now. Sooooooo bored. Have started talking to myself. Would be fine if I didn't have such a filthy mind and kep trying to seduce myself. Damn me for being so irresistable.
Food: Mashed potato
Day 364
Still chained up in a cell on the Valiant. Yey!! A plan! Some action at last! I just have to hold on a little bit longer then I will be out of here! Or dead. Eh, either way it will be a change in scenery!
Food: Mashed swede yet again. Wonder if I will remember how to chew when we get out of here... As long as I remember how to suck I should be ok!