The Top Secret (no peeking mum!!) Diary of Mr Ianto Jones
Title: The Top Secret Diary of Mr Ianto Jones
Author:jovialien
Characters: Ianto, Lisa, Jack
Ratings: 15 to be sure
Warnings: Spoilers for Fragments
Disclaimer: I don't own these boys. If I did Torchwood would never make it past the UK censors....
Summary: Crack, part of the Very Secret Diary series . Ianto Jones is growing up and needs a new job
Age 21
Happy Birthday to me, Happy birthday to me! Yey I’m a man at last!! WOO HOO!! Haven't been this excited since Billy showed me how to play Submarine sailors in the baths after Rugby practice. And guess what, Mum gave me a shiny new suit for job interviews and stuff and I look very grown up in it. Go me!
Got a few interviews lined up in London, mum says to be careful because all those London girls are only after one thing. Am sure I will find a nice safe job for a big company that will make Mum proud - and get me enough pay to pick up really hot Essex girls with great big - gotta go, Mum’s lit the candles on my cake! Wish time! I wish... I find someone special who is really hot.....
Age 23
I’ve got a new girlfriend and she’s really, really hot! She say’s she can get me a job with her company which is really well paid and better than working at Studbucks coffee house. I have to admit, being able to wear my suit again rather than just a pinny would be nice. I must keep up my coffee making skills though, never know when I might need to fall back on my liquid handling talents and get my steam spout out of storage again.
Age 24.
I’m so happy. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy!! I have a great job (very hush hush though - sorry can’t tell you more but its lots of fun! Even if my boss is slightly weird.) A very lovely girlfriend who looks great in a bikini, I’m making lot’s of money and everything is great! What could possibly go wrong?!
Age 24 and a bit.
What happened?! How could it go wrong so quickly?! One minute you have the perfect life and the next thing you know your job is gone, your perky boss is a lot less perky (yet somehow still annoying) and your girlfriend is now modelling a line of underwear that you need a tin opener to get into!! She’s confined to a table night and day but we still try to have a bit of a love life. Is hard to get close enough but her hand still works so yey! Am sure I will work out a way into her steel knickers eventually.
In the meantime need to support us both (stupid government benefits department refuse to pay out for being turned into a half human cyborg as I can’t get a doctors note) so have gone back to Studbucks. Good thing I kept my pinny clean, although I do have a couple of nasty steam burns in places where it’s tricky to rub the lotion in. My nice boss Mario has offered to help me with the places it’s hard to reach. It’s very sweet of him to offer although I do wish he would stop trying to help me whilst at work, I’m sure it’s against the health and safety regulations. The uniform in general barely qualifies as hygienic but it is nice and cool when the coffee shop gets too hot. I don’t know why they have it so warm in there!
Age 24 and a half.
Have decided to leave Studbucks after Mario locked me in the coffee cupboard and offered to help grind my beans. Had to beat him round the head with my milk jug before he would let me go. I had no idea he was that way inclined! Although now I think back maybe there were a few clues. The moustache, the way he always got on so well with the other boys when they went to help him do his daily stocktake. Maybe he wasn’t just interested in their squirty cream skills after all. Who knew!?! Must get a new job. Have rented a van to take Lisa back to Wales with me, am sure I can find something there - not sure what she is now more upset about, being half cyborg or moving to Wales.
Age 25
Have figured out way to get new job - found out boss of the old Welsh office is a horny bastard who will shag almost anyone! Put on tightest blue jeans and cute jacket and headed to the park to join him for a bit of Weevil hunting. Toned down the accent just in case. Didn’t go quite as planned but will not give up! Moved to plan C for coffee, with my own secret ingredients added but he STILL resisted. What is wrong with him?
I think I have a plan - he always wears that daft uniform thing, maybe he would appreciate something a little more classic. Have dusted off my old suit, who knows, it might work! Also tracked down a weird signal to a warehouse, hopefully will find something there that might interest the Captain! Wish me luck!
Um it worked. Too well. I’m just gonna go have a cold shower... On plus side I have a job! And once I've figured out how to sneak Lisa in we can have a little love nest of our own again. Maybe they will have access to a decent pneumatic drill too so I can get her underwear off at last. I could use a good shag. From the rumours I've heard I'm sure I will manage to get one at last working for Torchwood Three!!
Author:jovialien
Characters: Ianto, Lisa, Jack
Ratings: 15 to be sure
Warnings: Spoilers for Fragments
Disclaimer: I don't own these boys. If I did Torchwood would never make it past the UK censors....
Summary: Crack, part of the Very Secret Diary series . Ianto Jones is growing up and needs a new job
Age 21
Happy Birthday to me, Happy birthday to me! Yey I’m a man at last!! WOO HOO!! Haven't been this excited since Billy showed me how to play Submarine sailors in the baths after Rugby practice. And guess what, Mum gave me a shiny new suit for job interviews and stuff and I look very grown up in it. Go me!
Got a few interviews lined up in London, mum says to be careful because all those London girls are only after one thing. Am sure I will find a nice safe job for a big company that will make Mum proud - and get me enough pay to pick up really hot Essex girls with great big - gotta go, Mum’s lit the candles on my cake! Wish time! I wish... I find someone special who is really hot.....
Age 23
I’ve got a new girlfriend and she’s really, really hot! She say’s she can get me a job with her company which is really well paid and better than working at Studbucks coffee house. I have to admit, being able to wear my suit again rather than just a pinny would be nice. I must keep up my coffee making skills though, never know when I might need to fall back on my liquid handling talents and get my steam spout out of storage again.
Age 24.
I’m so happy. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy!! I have a great job (very hush hush though - sorry can’t tell you more but its lots of fun! Even if my boss is slightly weird.) A very lovely girlfriend who looks great in a bikini, I’m making lot’s of money and everything is great! What could possibly go wrong?!
Age 24 and a bit.
What happened?! How could it go wrong so quickly?! One minute you have the perfect life and the next thing you know your job is gone, your perky boss is a lot less perky (yet somehow still annoying) and your girlfriend is now modelling a line of underwear that you need a tin opener to get into!! She’s confined to a table night and day but we still try to have a bit of a love life. Is hard to get close enough but her hand still works so yey! Am sure I will work out a way into her steel knickers eventually.
In the meantime need to support us both (stupid government benefits department refuse to pay out for being turned into a half human cyborg as I can’t get a doctors note) so have gone back to Studbucks. Good thing I kept my pinny clean, although I do have a couple of nasty steam burns in places where it’s tricky to rub the lotion in. My nice boss Mario has offered to help me with the places it’s hard to reach. It’s very sweet of him to offer although I do wish he would stop trying to help me whilst at work, I’m sure it’s against the health and safety regulations. The uniform in general barely qualifies as hygienic but it is nice and cool when the coffee shop gets too hot. I don’t know why they have it so warm in there!
Age 24 and a half.
Have decided to leave Studbucks after Mario locked me in the coffee cupboard and offered to help grind my beans. Had to beat him round the head with my milk jug before he would let me go. I had no idea he was that way inclined! Although now I think back maybe there were a few clues. The moustache, the way he always got on so well with the other boys when they went to help him do his daily stocktake. Maybe he wasn’t just interested in their squirty cream skills after all. Who knew!?! Must get a new job. Have rented a van to take Lisa back to Wales with me, am sure I can find something there - not sure what she is now more upset about, being half cyborg or moving to Wales.
Age 25
Have figured out way to get new job - found out boss of the old Welsh office is a horny bastard who will shag almost anyone! Put on tightest blue jeans and cute jacket and headed to the park to join him for a bit of Weevil hunting. Toned down the accent just in case. Didn’t go quite as planned but will not give up! Moved to plan C for coffee, with my own secret ingredients added but he STILL resisted. What is wrong with him?
I think I have a plan - he always wears that daft uniform thing, maybe he would appreciate something a little more classic. Have dusted off my old suit, who knows, it might work! Also tracked down a weird signal to a warehouse, hopefully will find something there that might interest the Captain! Wish me luck!
Um it worked. Too well. I’m just gonna go have a cold shower... On plus side I have a job! And once I've figured out how to sneak Lisa in we can have a little love nest of our own again. Maybe they will have access to a decent pneumatic drill too so I can get her underwear off at last. I could use a good shag. From the rumours I've heard I'm sure I will manage to get one at last working for Torchwood Three!!