Let's talk about underwear because why not.
You can say it's an all-time low for this blog, but I don't care. Since it's already past three in the morning, we will be talking about my sudden interest in underwear. I think it's okay to be interested in underwear unless there is something creepily Freudian about it in which case I am no longer suddenly interested.
I don't know why, maybe it started with my best friend, Raymond, who decided to buy me green briefs for my birthday. I found it funny and cute. My underwear collection all used to be plain and sad-looking, some of them were even used to the extent that the garters started resembling shrunken bacon strips. When I was in grade school, my mother once woke me up from sleep. She told me she had a surprise for me. I thought it was a bunch of Harry Potter books but instead it was three pieces of briefs- maroon, green and blue. She thought I'd be happy because all my underwear looked sad. I pretended to appreciate it more than I actually did.
But I got more interested in sexy underwear, so I bought some more which looked cool to me, boxer briefs to be exact. However, I find it mysterious that every time I get sexy-looking underwear, something bad happens to it. That green underwear I got for my birthday? It got white patches thanks to an indiscriminate use of bleach. My red boxer briefs I liked so much I felt like Ryan Gosling every time I wore it? Went missing in the laundromat. My Speedo-looking blue trunks I used whenever I went swimming? Gone missing. Am I forever condemned to sad-looking underwear?
Classy.
I also have to note that even if right now, I have about more than a dozen underwear, I still run out of clean ones because of my utter laziness to drop by the laundromat in time. My God, when I came back to the Philippines after eight days in Malaysia, it was like a wild hunt for the remaining clean undies.
Whenever I run out, I go commando. Okay, you are free to unfriend me now either in cyberspace or real life. Amazingly though, going commando in jeans feels FREAKING comfortable. You just have to make sure you don't have pubes like tumbleweed lest you screw it up with the zipper. Also make sure that you don't often have Windows in your laptop (read: having your fly open) because it is embarrassing unless you're a pornstar in which case you're not. Your butt crack must also be an introvert, because it's already freaky when it says hello to unsuspecting victims. What more if it says how hello how are you. I also find it scary to go commando in shorts, especially when I like raising my legs when I sit. I don't do that for the sake of my dignity. Publicly announcing that you're not wearing underwear should also be dependent on your level of self-respect and confidence, especially if your friends stop treating you the same way they did before.
I started to look online for Calvin Klein because they really look sexy. I found a bunch of discounted ones on eBay but I got a bit suspicious. If they're this cheap, weren't they pre-loved underwear? I cannot imagine my family jewels coming into contact with someone else's junk, so I thought it was a bad idea.
Since Uniqlo opened last week in Manila, I think it's time I start collecting boxer briefs. And maybe have them prayed over by a priestess so they won't go missing anymore. Also, if you're thinking of gift ideas for my birthday, Christmas, or give-Jovan-an-underwear day, give me boxer briefs. I will appreciate them more than you actually think I will.
I don't know why, maybe it started with my best friend, Raymond, who decided to buy me green briefs for my birthday. I found it funny and cute. My underwear collection all used to be plain and sad-looking, some of them were even used to the extent that the garters started resembling shrunken bacon strips. When I was in grade school, my mother once woke me up from sleep. She told me she had a surprise for me. I thought it was a bunch of Harry Potter books but instead it was three pieces of briefs- maroon, green and blue. She thought I'd be happy because all my underwear looked sad. I pretended to appreciate it more than I actually did.
But I got more interested in sexy underwear, so I bought some more which looked cool to me, boxer briefs to be exact. However, I find it mysterious that every time I get sexy-looking underwear, something bad happens to it. That green underwear I got for my birthday? It got white patches thanks to an indiscriminate use of bleach. My red boxer briefs I liked so much I felt like Ryan Gosling every time I wore it? Went missing in the laundromat. My Speedo-looking blue trunks I used whenever I went swimming? Gone missing. Am I forever condemned to sad-looking underwear?
Classy.
I also have to note that even if right now, I have about more than a dozen underwear, I still run out of clean ones because of my utter laziness to drop by the laundromat in time. My God, when I came back to the Philippines after eight days in Malaysia, it was like a wild hunt for the remaining clean undies.
Whenever I run out, I go commando. Okay, you are free to unfriend me now either in cyberspace or real life. Amazingly though, going commando in jeans feels FREAKING comfortable. You just have to make sure you don't have pubes like tumbleweed lest you screw it up with the zipper. Also make sure that you don't often have Windows in your laptop (read: having your fly open) because it is embarrassing unless you're a pornstar in which case you're not. Your butt crack must also be an introvert, because it's already freaky when it says hello to unsuspecting victims. What more if it says how hello how are you. I also find it scary to go commando in shorts, especially when I like raising my legs when I sit. I don't do that for the sake of my dignity. Publicly announcing that you're not wearing underwear should also be dependent on your level of self-respect and confidence, especially if your friends stop treating you the same way they did before.
I started to look online for Calvin Klein because they really look sexy. I found a bunch of discounted ones on eBay but I got a bit suspicious. If they're this cheap, weren't they pre-loved underwear? I cannot imagine my family jewels coming into contact with someone else's junk, so I thought it was a bad idea.
Since Uniqlo opened last week in Manila, I think it's time I start collecting boxer briefs. And maybe have them prayed over by a priestess so they won't go missing anymore. Also, if you're thinking of gift ideas for my birthday, Christmas, or give-Jovan-an-underwear day, give me boxer briefs. I will appreciate them more than you actually think I will.