Home again Home again jiggaty jig
One year ago today, I drove away from my front door of childhood. I’d like to say I’ve never looked back, but I have, many times. There are many things I miss, but I would not give up anything I have gained to have it all back. What I have gained in the past year has been more valuable than any yearned for childhood. It has been very difficult, but anything really worth having is. Anyone who tells you otherwise has never really stretched themselves past their established boundaries. The last year, the last three years really, has been a time of extreme growth. I haven’t gotten a chance yet to lie down and process, but I know I have grown a great deal. In one year I have gone from being a scared child in a broken home with more responsibility than I was ready for at all, to being an adult (though sometimes a scared adult… and yeah, sometimes still a scared child) with a real job, a home, and an excellent relationship. I’m not writing half as much as I should, I’m not singing near enough, and I don’t have all that much time to be creative, but I’ll get there. The first year is the battle to survive… after that I can start living. I have everything in the world I need. Any of my anxiety or fear comes from my struggles to keep it. My car threatens constantly to fall out from under me, in fact it has in the literal sense, but I always survive. My job asks me to do things I know nothing about with only half explanations on how to go about doing it… but I’ve dealt with that my whole life, so once I get over myself it’s a piece of cake. And my apartment… isn’t mine, but that’s something I’m going to have to deal with for a long time to come. I want to find somewhere I can at least settle into for awhile. I can promise my next lease will not be only 6 months. I want to really live on my own for a little while. I don’t’ want to be taking care of, or babysitting anyone else. I want to take care of myself. I want to only have to take care of myself, and be able to take care of the space I live in.
Life is good. I no longer work at Disneyland. Near the end of April I got a new job through Mike at a place called DZ Solutions. I really had no idea what they did except that they dealt with computers. Most of my time so far has been spent formatting Macs and running deliveries and picking up returns, but I’m starting to branch out to more complicated things. Tonight I taught myself how to transfer files from a ftp to my desktop via the terminal. It was nifty. That’s one thing windows makes easier than mac does… but whatever. I don’t get to stay in my apartment until December. The other roommate wants to come back for work, so I’m out. I’m already looking at other places, and finding some promising ones, so I’m not too worried, but it would be nice to actually get to keep an address for a while.
I just spent a week in Virginia, and now I’m back at work. It is rather strange. First being back in LA was very strange. I had a strange mix of homecoming feeling and entering this very different world from the one I grew up in again. I felt almost like I was leaving home again, except I actually knew what I was coming to, and already had a home here. It was weird. It is good to be home.
Life is good. I no longer work at Disneyland. Near the end of April I got a new job through Mike at a place called DZ Solutions. I really had no idea what they did except that they dealt with computers. Most of my time so far has been spent formatting Macs and running deliveries and picking up returns, but I’m starting to branch out to more complicated things. Tonight I taught myself how to transfer files from a ftp to my desktop via the terminal. It was nifty. That’s one thing windows makes easier than mac does… but whatever. I don’t get to stay in my apartment until December. The other roommate wants to come back for work, so I’m out. I’m already looking at other places, and finding some promising ones, so I’m not too worried, but it would be nice to actually get to keep an address for a while.
I just spent a week in Virginia, and now I’m back at work. It is rather strange. First being back in LA was very strange. I had a strange mix of homecoming feeling and entering this very different world from the one I grew up in again. I felt almost like I was leaving home again, except I actually knew what I was coming to, and already had a home here. It was weird. It is good to be home.