My daughters
Here it is almost 5 in the morning and I have been up since 3. No surprise, I sleep not when stressed or pissed. Deciding which it is that grips me doesn’t help.
The funeral is set for Saturday and tickets are bought. The boys will go to Cheyenne Thursday night and only miss one day of school. I swear I did not worry so much about how much school they would miss, it just worked out this way. WHICH really upsets me that this too is neatly done as all this funeral seems to be. It seems so unfair that someone as loving as Stella would be buried without fuss to anyone. The same I noticed when I lost my Mother and life seemed so uninterrupted.
My interaction with the Welsh’s is already trying and I have not even left town. My sister in law informed me talks were in the air between the families about the girls. First to say when their Mother was on life support the decision was made the girls would not come home for any goodbyes as they would not want to have to explain the decision of taking her off life support. I believe in my heart of heart they did not want to be responsible for comforting the girls in a time of grief. I try to understand but I would have been crushed not to hold my Mother one last time and tell her I loved her while her life still warmed her body. I had no say in this decision only to bite my tongue to be in the good of their graces in hopes of the future of the children.
I have to bid my time to see the children at the funeral. To tell them I love them and they have a choice. A home with me to be reunited as sisters, loved as family should love them and finances to hire a lawyer to represent them if necessary.
In talking to my sister in law, she told me the care of the girls was going to be left between she and I. It is her desire to keep them separated, she taking one and I the other but this is only after they are sent back to boarding school to finish the year. It is not what I would choose as the girls, at least the oldest doesn’t not want to go back to school (not that anyone could think her wanting to be close to family would have anything to do with just losing her Mother). At least this is what I am told as my contact with them is still restricted. I should also say the youngest that the sister in law desires is the quiet one, 13 very shy and as wonderful as a little girl as they come, always willing to follow. The oldest whom I thought 15 is 16, mindful and as full of life as any teenager.
I gently speak my worries about the girls being separated, must remember to bid my time, after all I will see them soon and be able to speak to them directly about their desires. So ask sister in law can we stay at her house as she said she and I must spend some time talking and thank the Goddess I will not be stuck at in law parents house. All is well and we hang up.
BUT LOW AND BEHOLD I am tried again. Sister in law calls me back to tell me we have been bumped to another sisters house. Seems the youngest girl’s counselor from school is coming with her to the funeral and they will be staying at sister in laws. It is under her advice the girls remain separated at different homes and the contact with the youngest be supervised. Oh my blood is boiling. There must be structure and bed times obeyed. WTF it’s a fucking funeral to bury their Mother and the counselor is more worried about controlling a 13 year old to rules of the school opposed to her time being filled with loving family. Oh my Goddess how will I find the strength to endure this. Is this a plot because they know the youngest would long for her sister and I who was there most of her young life. Am I really such a heathen the child needs deprogramming from desiring me?
Now I could ask myself maybe they know needs of her I cannot. But this school is what I have been kept from understanding. It is not a boarding school where they come and go, as they want visiting family. It is some kind of behavior corrections program. Example; the oldest was caught cheating on a test right before Xmas and lost her privileged to come home for Xmas. Now yes cheating is wrong but should a child be denied family for this broken rule or might something less severe like kitchen duty or detention work. Also what could a 9 year old and 12 year old, which is the age they were when put in this school do so bad to need a school of corrections. Trust me, I was there and their only fault was a Mother who never recovered from their Dad’s death. Till my dying day I will not believe it anything but “out of sight, out of mind” by the family that put them in this school. Say what they choose I was there the whole ride and blind I was not.
I have had a thought, I wonder if they have school that prepares young girls for convent. I would surely bet if there were, the Welsh’s would have them tied there for life. Maybe I am influenced on this thought because I just read the Mist of Avalon. Anyway it is good to laugh and be centered again. I just can not understand a family that does not come together in times of loss?
Goddess be with me that I can be strong enough to kiss all the ass I am going to have to kiss to get anything accomplished and bring these girls home. I will need all the glamour magick I can muster if the counselor is a nun which I would bet big money on.
I also must say how ironic it is that I share the name of the girl's Mother. I have given thought if it would upset them when I bring them into the Circle, which I fully intend to do. I believe the wisdom of the Goddess will be the saving grace of these girls. Although my name was not taken in any context associated with my sister Stella, I loved her much and am glad of the likeness. Maybe it is an omen but I will one day speak openly to them about this..
The funeral is set for Saturday and tickets are bought. The boys will go to Cheyenne Thursday night and only miss one day of school. I swear I did not worry so much about how much school they would miss, it just worked out this way. WHICH really upsets me that this too is neatly done as all this funeral seems to be. It seems so unfair that someone as loving as Stella would be buried without fuss to anyone. The same I noticed when I lost my Mother and life seemed so uninterrupted.
My interaction with the Welsh’s is already trying and I have not even left town. My sister in law informed me talks were in the air between the families about the girls. First to say when their Mother was on life support the decision was made the girls would not come home for any goodbyes as they would not want to have to explain the decision of taking her off life support. I believe in my heart of heart they did not want to be responsible for comforting the girls in a time of grief. I try to understand but I would have been crushed not to hold my Mother one last time and tell her I loved her while her life still warmed her body. I had no say in this decision only to bite my tongue to be in the good of their graces in hopes of the future of the children.
I have to bid my time to see the children at the funeral. To tell them I love them and they have a choice. A home with me to be reunited as sisters, loved as family should love them and finances to hire a lawyer to represent them if necessary.
In talking to my sister in law, she told me the care of the girls was going to be left between she and I. It is her desire to keep them separated, she taking one and I the other but this is only after they are sent back to boarding school to finish the year. It is not what I would choose as the girls, at least the oldest doesn’t not want to go back to school (not that anyone could think her wanting to be close to family would have anything to do with just losing her Mother). At least this is what I am told as my contact with them is still restricted. I should also say the youngest that the sister in law desires is the quiet one, 13 very shy and as wonderful as a little girl as they come, always willing to follow. The oldest whom I thought 15 is 16, mindful and as full of life as any teenager.
I gently speak my worries about the girls being separated, must remember to bid my time, after all I will see them soon and be able to speak to them directly about their desires. So ask sister in law can we stay at her house as she said she and I must spend some time talking and thank the Goddess I will not be stuck at in law parents house. All is well and we hang up.
BUT LOW AND BEHOLD I am tried again. Sister in law calls me back to tell me we have been bumped to another sisters house. Seems the youngest girl’s counselor from school is coming with her to the funeral and they will be staying at sister in laws. It is under her advice the girls remain separated at different homes and the contact with the youngest be supervised. Oh my blood is boiling. There must be structure and bed times obeyed. WTF it’s a fucking funeral to bury their Mother and the counselor is more worried about controlling a 13 year old to rules of the school opposed to her time being filled with loving family. Oh my Goddess how will I find the strength to endure this. Is this a plot because they know the youngest would long for her sister and I who was there most of her young life. Am I really such a heathen the child needs deprogramming from desiring me?
Now I could ask myself maybe they know needs of her I cannot. But this school is what I have been kept from understanding. It is not a boarding school where they come and go, as they want visiting family. It is some kind of behavior corrections program. Example; the oldest was caught cheating on a test right before Xmas and lost her privileged to come home for Xmas. Now yes cheating is wrong but should a child be denied family for this broken rule or might something less severe like kitchen duty or detention work. Also what could a 9 year old and 12 year old, which is the age they were when put in this school do so bad to need a school of corrections. Trust me, I was there and their only fault was a Mother who never recovered from their Dad’s death. Till my dying day I will not believe it anything but “out of sight, out of mind” by the family that put them in this school. Say what they choose I was there the whole ride and blind I was not.
I have had a thought, I wonder if they have school that prepares young girls for convent. I would surely bet if there were, the Welsh’s would have them tied there for life. Maybe I am influenced on this thought because I just read the Mist of Avalon. Anyway it is good to laugh and be centered again. I just can not understand a family that does not come together in times of loss?
Goddess be with me that I can be strong enough to kiss all the ass I am going to have to kiss to get anything accomplished and bring these girls home. I will need all the glamour magick I can muster if the counselor is a nun which I would bet big money on.
I also must say how ironic it is that I share the name of the girl's Mother. I have given thought if it would upset them when I bring them into the Circle, which I fully intend to do. I believe the wisdom of the Goddess will be the saving grace of these girls. Although my name was not taken in any context associated with my sister Stella, I loved her much and am glad of the likeness. Maybe it is an omen but I will one day speak openly to them about this..