Ugly Light of the World, let the perils enter my life to swallow me whole, once more.
I love movies and how, just by seeing them, you can escape the wretched truths of the real world. The haunting, the tortures... they seem neverending; and this scares me to the point of breaking down.
As of lately, my whole life has turned upside down, and it feels as if there is not point in turning back.
So many things have gone and are going wrong. Unplanned situations have surfaced, and the worst is yet to come, I can feel it.
I fear for my future and seriously feel like giving up.
Why does life have to take a fucking unnecessary U-turn in the middle of a smooth, progressive ride?! I fucking hate it!
The scenes, emotions, and worries that once haunted me long ago are coming back; they are here in search for my newfound dignity, for my ambitions, for my life, and I fear the past just might win.
I have no support; I am all alone, and I dread this.
I hate myself for being so weak, I hate my family for being so broken, I hate my life for being so fucked up, and for regressing right when everything was going well.
I hate myself for being so lost, for opening my blinded eyes too late; for inviting the light of the world into my blurry vision too soon; for thinking I could be something I will never be; for making a fool of out of myself.
I realized that things can't always be the way you want them to; and if they are, then there are not as good as you would like them to be.
I have many things that are crossing and haunting my mind, and I am afraid that they are going to kill me on the inside, again.
I just want to sleep, forever; no worries, no fears, no regrets, or setbacks; nothing.
Is it possible for all the bad things that took so long to get rid of, suddenly come back and haunt me? come back to ruin my plans, my goals, my life?
That is how I feel and what I think is happening. I feel like giving up.
Now, at this minute, is the point in my life that I really and truly wish I were dead.
As of lately, my whole life has turned upside down, and it feels as if there is not point in turning back.
So many things have gone and are going wrong. Unplanned situations have surfaced, and the worst is yet to come, I can feel it.
I fear for my future and seriously feel like giving up.
Why does life have to take a fucking unnecessary U-turn in the middle of a smooth, progressive ride?! I fucking hate it!
The scenes, emotions, and worries that once haunted me long ago are coming back; they are here in search for my newfound dignity, for my ambitions, for my life, and I fear the past just might win.
I have no support; I am all alone, and I dread this.
I hate myself for being so weak, I hate my family for being so broken, I hate my life for being so fucked up, and for regressing right when everything was going well.
I hate myself for being so lost, for opening my blinded eyes too late; for inviting the light of the world into my blurry vision too soon; for thinking I could be something I will never be; for making a fool of out of myself.
I realized that things can't always be the way you want them to; and if they are, then there are not as good as you would like them to be.
I have many things that are crossing and haunting my mind, and I am afraid that they are going to kill me on the inside, again.
I just want to sleep, forever; no worries, no fears, no regrets, or setbacks; nothing.
Is it possible for all the bad things that took so long to get rid of, suddenly come back and haunt me? come back to ruin my plans, my goals, my life?
That is how I feel and what I think is happening. I feel like giving up.
Now, at this minute, is the point in my life that I really and truly wish I were dead.