Journal Entry: Horatio Caine
Character: Horatio Caine
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: FRAO
Disclaimer: I don't own him. More's the pity, because I could take real good care of him. Not making any money off of this.
Warning: Mentions of a same sex relationship.
Author's Notes: Underneath that cool, saintly exterior beats the heart of a true sinner.
Author's Notes 2: This is for my bro. *hugs*
Cross-posted: To 20_est_relships.
He drove me to it. He always had that kind of power over me. Fucking little twerp.
Raymond 'fucking' Caine.
He always lived his life knowing that I would clean up his messes like some servant in a medieval castle.
Christ!
To think at one time I actually cared for him...
There were days in our growing up years that I wished I had had the strength to ignore my need to protect him. Let our bastard of a father beat the living shit out of him and then maybe he would have understood all that mom and me did to save his sorry ass.
I HATE HIM!!!!!!!
I really do.
Speed tells me I shouldn't, but I can't stop myself. I can't forgive him for what he has done to Yelina, Ray Jr., Suzie, Madison.... Me...
Forgiveness is for saints...
or
God....
Although, I doubt the Man Upstairs would have anything to do with Raymond Caine.
I've washed my hands of him.
To think I came so close to....
*shudder*
*/*/*
Speed assured me that I need to resolve my feelings over what Ray had driven me to almost do, so he gave me this journal.
He is so amazing and wonders why I love him the way I do, but that is for another entry.
*/*/*
I had stepped outside of myself. I had watched myself yank open the door to the Hummer and rip Ray from the passenger seat. I had slammed him against the side of the Hummer so hard that I had heard his teeth rattle.
He had had the nerve to stare at me in shocked surprise... like a little kid not understanding what he had done to make his father so angry...
That had been the last straw.
I had drawn my gun and grounded it into his temple.
I had been one second from blowing his brains out.
One second...
"Don't!" I had heard from behind me. The quiet voice of reason.
"Give me one reason," I had growled because coherent thought had been losing ground to my growing rage.
"He's not worth it," I had been told.
"Yeah..." I had snarled. "He so is."
"Pull the trigger and you lose me," had been whispered in my ear as a hand had closed around mine.
I had let Speed take the gun from my hand. I couldn't afford to lose him.
Together we had put Ray on a plane to Brazil with the provision that he never darken his family's door step.
Yelina and Ray, Jr had moved on, although I'm still weary about Rick Stetler. Suzie and Madison are living with us, so that Madison is surrounded by people who love her.
*/*/*
I look over this and I have to say that Speed was right. He usually is, but when I admit that he gets so smug that I'm forced to punish him.
If you read this, Timothy, and I know you will, I want you to know that you are my life.
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: FRAO
Disclaimer: I don't own him. More's the pity, because I could take real good care of him. Not making any money off of this.
Warning: Mentions of a same sex relationship.
Author's Notes: Underneath that cool, saintly exterior beats the heart of a true sinner.
Author's Notes 2: This is for my bro. *hugs*
Cross-posted: To 20_est_relships.
He drove me to it. He always had that kind of power over me. Fucking little twerp.
Raymond 'fucking' Caine.
He always lived his life knowing that I would clean up his messes like some servant in a medieval castle.
Christ!
To think at one time I actually cared for him...
There were days in our growing up years that I wished I had had the strength to ignore my need to protect him. Let our bastard of a father beat the living shit out of him and then maybe he would have understood all that mom and me did to save his sorry ass.
I HATE HIM!!!!!!!
I really do.
Speed tells me I shouldn't, but I can't stop myself. I can't forgive him for what he has done to Yelina, Ray Jr., Suzie, Madison.... Me...
Forgiveness is for saints...
or
God....
Although, I doubt the Man Upstairs would have anything to do with Raymond Caine.
I've washed my hands of him.
To think I came so close to....
*shudder*
*/*/*
Speed assured me that I need to resolve my feelings over what Ray had driven me to almost do, so he gave me this journal.
He is so amazing and wonders why I love him the way I do, but that is for another entry.
*/*/*
I had stepped outside of myself. I had watched myself yank open the door to the Hummer and rip Ray from the passenger seat. I had slammed him against the side of the Hummer so hard that I had heard his teeth rattle.
He had had the nerve to stare at me in shocked surprise... like a little kid not understanding what he had done to make his father so angry...
That had been the last straw.
I had drawn my gun and grounded it into his temple.
I had been one second from blowing his brains out.
One second...
"Don't!" I had heard from behind me. The quiet voice of reason.
"Give me one reason," I had growled because coherent thought had been losing ground to my growing rage.
"He's not worth it," I had been told.
"Yeah..." I had snarled. "He so is."
"Pull the trigger and you lose me," had been whispered in my ear as a hand had closed around mine.
I had let Speed take the gun from my hand. I couldn't afford to lose him.
Together we had put Ray on a plane to Brazil with the provision that he never darken his family's door step.
Yelina and Ray, Jr had moved on, although I'm still weary about Rick Stetler. Suzie and Madison are living with us, so that Madison is surrounded by people who love her.
*/*/*
I look over this and I have to say that Speed was right. He usually is, but when I admit that he gets so smug that I'm forced to punish him.
If you read this, Timothy, and I know you will, I want you to know that you are my life.