Journal Entry: Dino Devlin
Character: Dean 'Dino' Devlin
Fandom: Proof of Life
Rating: FRM
Disclaimer: I don't own him. He belongs to a big film company. His full name is courtesy of bjjones and timothy_quinn. I will put him back eventually. Not making any money off of this.
Warning: Just the inner ramblings of a slightly insane man in a same sex relationship.
Author's Notes: Dino informed me the other day that his first entry here wouldn't be his last. He is feeling rather chatty, which means he is missing his lover. A continuation of his previous entry and therefore a bit of a cross-over between POL and CSI: MIami.
Cross-posted: Nowhere.
It's true.
A person can smoke too many cigarettes.
How do I know you ask...
Personal experience.
I've smoked almost a whole carton of the damn things in the past two days.
Ahhh....self abuse....gotta love it.
As I write this, I have one burning in the ashtray next to me. Along with a healthy slug of booze.
That is another thing a person can do too much of. I've lost count of how many bottles.
If my lover were here, he would have me in rehab faster than I could say jack rabbit.
Oh, he had called the other day. Said something had told him that he needed to check on me.
I had tried to lie to him. I had tried to convince him everything was peachy, but he knew better. We had talked for awhile about meaningless things never broaching the real reason he had called.
He was checking up on me. He was making certain that I hadn't devolved into a basket case of nerves because I felt like crawling out of my skin.
I swear I think Ter knows me better than I know myself; not bad for a kangaroo.
He knew the nightmares had come back. He knew that they would only get worse until I did something stupid like take on the whole damn Marine Corps during Fleet Week.
Hmmmm....that would be fun...
If I was younger and more cocksure, I'd probably do something like that.
Instead, I had sent Ter off to Oz knowing full well that it was now or never. I had to deal with these demons or I would lose the only person who ever loved me for me; flaws and all.
So now....
I'm holed up in our apartment living on cigarettes and booze. I've managed a few hours here and there of dreamless sleep....
*paper appears scrunched*
I thought about throwing this out and starting over. Write something happy, something cheerful...
I don't feel happy or cheerful.
SIGH
I've resigned myself to the fact that maybe Speed was right; that running from myself only made things worse in the end.
I had called him and asked if it would be alright if I came for a visit. He had assured me that I was more than welcome. In fact, he had put his lover on the phone knowing full well I wouldn't say no to family.
I still find it surreal that I have family. Horatio is my mirror image or I'm his, which adds to the surrealism of the whole situation.
He had told me that he was looking forward to getting to know his baby brother; that maybe we would together find the peace I so desperately seek. I have the strange feeling that he knows more than what he's letting on to; and here I thought I was a sneaky bastard.
I called Ter earlier and told him that he could find me in sunny Florida trying my hand at relocation therapy. He was more than welcome to join me....
So, I'm going to end this here because I have a flight to Miami to catch.
Fandom: Proof of Life
Rating: FRM
Disclaimer: I don't own him. He belongs to a big film company. His full name is courtesy of bjjones and timothy_quinn. I will put him back eventually. Not making any money off of this.
Warning: Just the inner ramblings of a slightly insane man in a same sex relationship.
Author's Notes: Dino informed me the other day that his first entry here wouldn't be his last. He is feeling rather chatty, which means he is missing his lover. A continuation of his previous entry and therefore a bit of a cross-over between POL and CSI: MIami.
Cross-posted: Nowhere.
It's true.
A person can smoke too many cigarettes.
How do I know you ask...
Personal experience.
I've smoked almost a whole carton of the damn things in the past two days.
Ahhh....self abuse....gotta love it.
As I write this, I have one burning in the ashtray next to me. Along with a healthy slug of booze.
That is another thing a person can do too much of. I've lost count of how many bottles.
If my lover were here, he would have me in rehab faster than I could say jack rabbit.
Oh, he had called the other day. Said something had told him that he needed to check on me.
I had tried to lie to him. I had tried to convince him everything was peachy, but he knew better. We had talked for awhile about meaningless things never broaching the real reason he had called.
He was checking up on me. He was making certain that I hadn't devolved into a basket case of nerves because I felt like crawling out of my skin.
I swear I think Ter knows me better than I know myself; not bad for a kangaroo.
He knew the nightmares had come back. He knew that they would only get worse until I did something stupid like take on the whole damn Marine Corps during Fleet Week.
Hmmmm....that would be fun...
If I was younger and more cocksure, I'd probably do something like that.
Instead, I had sent Ter off to Oz knowing full well that it was now or never. I had to deal with these demons or I would lose the only person who ever loved me for me; flaws and all.
So now....
I'm holed up in our apartment living on cigarettes and booze. I've managed a few hours here and there of dreamless sleep....
*paper appears scrunched*
I thought about throwing this out and starting over. Write something happy, something cheerful...
I don't feel happy or cheerful.
SIGH
I've resigned myself to the fact that maybe Speed was right; that running from myself only made things worse in the end.
I had called him and asked if it would be alright if I came for a visit. He had assured me that I was more than welcome. In fact, he had put his lover on the phone knowing full well I wouldn't say no to family.
I still find it surreal that I have family. Horatio is my mirror image or I'm his, which adds to the surrealism of the whole situation.
He had told me that he was looking forward to getting to know his baby brother; that maybe we would together find the peace I so desperately seek. I have the strange feeling that he knows more than what he's letting on to; and here I thought I was a sneaky bastard.
I called Ter earlier and told him that he could find me in sunny Florida trying my hand at relocation therapy. He was more than welcome to join me....
So, I'm going to end this here because I have a flight to Miami to catch.