((screened Dan and Sasha))
Early morning routine- how fast it falls into place- me and Baby Z and an overly large pot of black coffee. Morning headlines and lines of real news somewhere near the back of the paper, after the tits and the topless girls. What the latest catastrophe may be in some far off country out of the way, who the latest tragic God may be who needs torn down from the top. And i look at you and wonder what sort of a place I've brought you to and you smile back, and I know the smiles that you share with me now for at least the next decade are so much more truthful than anything I could ever read between these pages, and you make me glad to be alive.
And leaving you then to go and write my own lies between the pages of existence is so terribly terribly hard, so horribly excruciatingly painful that every time I step out of the door I feel like running back, because I don't want you to feel like me- that every time someone leaves the room they might never come back. I'll always come back to where you are, even if I have to go away for a little while, or someone tells us that I can't see you, I'll always be waiting just behind the door for when you're old enough to turn the handle.
Believe everything you read about me, and believe every time that I tell you it's all untrue and fabrication, and then you can piece together the truth of it. Read between the lines and the lies and somewhere there will be how it really was.
I hope that when he grows up he realizes that many doors closed on me, but never once did I close one on him.
And leaving you then to go and write my own lies between the pages of existence is so terribly terribly hard, so horribly excruciatingly painful that every time I step out of the door I feel like running back, because I don't want you to feel like me- that every time someone leaves the room they might never come back. I'll always come back to where you are, even if I have to go away for a little while, or someone tells us that I can't see you, I'll always be waiting just behind the door for when you're old enough to turn the handle.
Believe everything you read about me, and believe every time that I tell you it's all untrue and fabrication, and then you can piece together the truth of it. Read between the lines and the lies and somewhere there will be how it really was.
I hope that when he grows up he realizes that many doors closed on me, but never once did I close one on him.