Oy Vey.
Ned for fucks sake if you are going to run off to Birmingham where I can’t see you to make sure you haven’t decided eating is SO 90’s then at least wear a t shirt where I don’t have to spend every fucking second spent looking at you counting each individual rib and knowing full well the last time you ate was probably a month ago when I bought you those hula hoops.
Nena if you don’t want vampires to attack you then next time you go out try a splash of Ail Eau De Toilette to keep him, I mean them, at bay. Honestly a scarf? In summer? You’d have been better off with a lace choker my gothic princess. You cannot hide such things from me, I have all the suspicions of a father with a 15 year old daughter when it comes to my staff. Remember this and you’ll be fine. :P
And for the love of GOD, Peter Gabriel, don’t send Daniel pictures that make him vomit! What is WRONG with you? I’m sure you are very proud of your chicken pox but you can show your scars off in the playground later not during class time, and if you are well enough to pick on Daniel you are well enough for school. And don't think that I don't know you're trying to take that Aidan down the path of rack and ruin.
Why can't you all be a bit more like Adam. He never gives me any trouble, just sits quietly and gets on with his work. You could all take a leaf out of his book.
And now that I successfully feel like everybody’s father I’m going to make like MY father and head to the nearest Tavern, drink myself blind and complain to anyone who will listen what a terrible waste of a boy my son Joffan is… well, the last part not as much, but there will be complaining. Oh yes sir. Yes indeed.