((Screened to; the inner circle.))
It’s funny how you can try to be very very good, and it all goes horribly wrong. Much much worse than if you try to be bad. And its funny how you can tell someone how awful you are and it makes them love you more, but if you don’t say, and you just hope its going to be ok, and that they won’t know then it will just go to shit, and they hate you for it even though you just slipped up. It’s funny how you practice so hard at being bad because you are so naturally good that when it comes to trying to be good again you’ve forgotten how to do it and it just goes wrong.
It’s funny how much someone can hate you for an accident, and yet forgive you when you’ve done something purposely to hurt them when you say sorry. It’s funny how hard it is to say sorry when you really mean it and its funny how sorry isn’t good enough when all you want is an apology.
Its funny how some people seem to get away with anything, and then others can’t turn around without being accused of something. Its funny how somethings are unforgivable, unless those things are done by that special someone. Its funny how that special someone is the one person you should never have to forgive for doing those things.
It’s funny how friends can become enemies, enemies can become lovers but lovers can never become friends. It’s funny how no matter how many times you play a song it will still only ever be about one girl. It’s funny how you can think you have your life planned at sixteen and yet you haven’t began living. It’s funny how the exact same hurt can happen and it will hurt just exactly the same.
It’s funny that she will always make me feel scared, he will always make me feel stupid, they will always make me feel small and I will always let them.
It’s funny how something can happen years ago and never leave your head, its funny how talking about it doesn’t make it better only makes it easier to bare and its funny how you’d rather bare it alone than ever talk about it.
Its funny how none of you, not even once, bar one, have asked what's wrong with m' fam. Or how it felt when Ogi and Paddy died. Or if I'm ok about it. It's funny how much that hurts- even though I'd never tell you anyway.
It’s funny, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Are you laughing?
No. Neither am I.