Christmas Loneliness
Title: Christmas Loneliness.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sorta implied Arthur/Merlin
Summary: Merlin just feeling a little down this Christmas.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Beta: madtheo
Author's Notes: Written in between working shifts one week. Thanks to my beta who I managed to actually make watch Merlin and then beta'ing this for me. Written as part of merlinadvent challange, was going to try doing a fic a day but Real Life seriously wouldn't let me.
Christmas Loneliness.
He watched his breath curling in the glacial evening air. It was the coldest night they'd had so far and he didn’t think it was going to be warming up for a long while yet. Merlin shivered slightly as a breeze whispered by and he couldn’t help wrapping his arms around himself, hoping to preserve just a little more warmth. He should have been inside enjoying the party, serving the prince, but melancholy had forced him to find solace in solitude.
He had been watching and listening for the last few weeks as the excitement in the castle seemed to grow with every passing day that brought them closer to Christmas. He had at first joined in with the festivities and had helped with the itinerary even though he was planning on being away for the yuletide season. Had even told Arthur that he wouldn’t be around for Christmas, and then the proverbial wrench dropped into the gears. The snow started out as those big, fluffy flakes that turn the world into a pristine wonderland, and Merlin couldn't help but think of how beautiful it all was. Then the flakes got smaller and faster and just more until the roads in and around the village had disappeared under the blanket, nay - a goose-down comforter - of snow. Travel had been prohibited by order of Uther himself.
Of course, Merlin had tried to leave, had even intended to take one of the horses so he didn’t have to walk, but somehow word had gotten back to Arthur and he ended Merlin's escape rather quickly. The prince hadn’t been especially happy with the onus of having to retrieve his manservant, and he made his displeasure known by having Merlin clean his armour not once, but twice that day. Merlin had tried to argue the point that it was his choice whether to go home or not, but the disgruntled monarch just kept prodding him toward the castle, completely ignoring Merlin's attempted justification except when he thought of something rather derisive to say.
Sighing, once more Merlin got up from where he had been sitting and turned to go back inside, back to where it was warm, when he caught sight of Arthur in one of the windows. Next to him, looking a bit perturbed, stood the raven-haired Morgana, most probably being mocked by her companion. He knew the crown prince only tormented the king’s ward to get a reaction from her and he had to admit that it was sometimes amusing. Of course he made sure Morgana never witnessed his mirth; he didn’t relish her shouting at him. But at this moment in time, watching them just made him feel lonely. He should have been enjoying Christmas with his Mum, just like every other year, but with his plans scuppered, he didn't feel much like celebrating.
Merlin turned away from that, that would have led him back into the warmth and light and let his mind drift with the snow, remembering past Christmas days with his family; the seemingly unstoppable laughter, the way his mother seemed to out-do herself every year with the cooking, the love and comfort that seemed to wrap itself around everyone in the household. His mouth tightened in bitterness, hating that his inability to go home was robbing the season of all of the warmth and cheer it was supposed to spread. Giving himself a mental shake - wallowing certainly wasn't going to bring him any closer to where he wanted to be - he brushed the snow out of his hair and started to walk away. He was sure he could find something to read back in his room. Maybe brush up on some of his magic? Learn to not turn things a different colour when he was trying to resize them. Or perhaps he could try the spell, that he had read about the other morning, the one that could make his quill light up like a roman candle. Who knows when a quick spark could come in handy?
“Merlin!”
The sudden shout made him jump slightly, his feet losing traction in the slippery snow. After a frantic bit of flailing, he was able to keep his balance and turned, red-faced, to see Arthur making his way toward him leaving fresh tracks in the newly fallen snow. Merlin couldn’t help chuckling as he saw the new flakes of snow sticking to Arthur’s clothes; white dots showing up brightly on the red jacket.
“You called?” asked Merlin, still grinning.
Arthur came to a stop in front of him. “I saw you leave and…”
“You were worried?” interrupted Merlin.
“No! I was wondering where my servant had gone when I found myself without a drink,” replied Arthur.
Merlin knew it was too much to ask for Arthur to openly admit he was worried, but just once he did wish that Arthur would act more like the friend he knew the nobleman was, rather than the arrogant prince that he acted around everyone else.
“I’m sure there are other servants who could have gotten your drink, sire,” Merlin replied quietly, not in the mood to be dealing with Arthur's petulance this evening. He turned to carry on his way, when he felt a hand on his arm.
“Merlin,” started Arthur, actual concern showing in his voice for one moment.
“Arthur,” replied Merlin, his tone bordering on impatient.
He could feel as Arthur flexed his fingers, but the hand didn’t move from his arm. He swivelled to look at Arthur, briefly glancing at the hand gripping him.
“You’re freezing,” said Arthur quietly, breaking the shared silence. “How long have you been out here?”
“A while.” Long enough that my ears feel like they've been replaced by iced over rocks, the boy wizard thought. He stifled a shiver.
Rolling his eyes, Arthur chastised, “Merlin, you idiot! Come on. Can’t have my servant freezing to death.”
“So you are worried,” pointed out Merlin, the flicker of a smug grin showing on his face.
“Am not, it just takes too long to train up another servant to the right standards.”
Merlin just nodded in an ‘yeah, of course’ kind of way before letting himself get dragged off. He wasn’t sure where he was headed at first, then he recognized the corridor which led to Arthur’s chambers. He felt something twist in his stomach as he was pulled into the room and pushed into the chair in front of the fire. A fire, he noted, that he had lit earlier that very day.
“Now: you sit there, warm up and go back to the hall,” instructed Arthur brusquely.
Wearily Sighing, Merlin replied, “I’m not going back, sire. It’ll be over soon anyway.”
“Merlin,” warned Arthur.
The gangly youth looked up at the prince, let him see a little of what he was feeling. He knew Arthur had understood when he saw him cease to play 'the prince’ and become a friend instead, the slight slump of shoulders giving him away. Not that he was taking notice of Arthur’s body language.
“Fine, you don’t have to go back,” said Arthur, “but you have to work the New Year's party.”
“Of course,” was the now deferential reply.
He smiled gratefully at Arthur before tearing his gaze away from the crown prince and staring into the flickering fire before him. Merlin assumed the other man would be eager to return to the festivities, so he was understandably surprised when he heard the nobleman settling into the chair next to him. Thankful for the quiet company, he realized that although he still missed his home and the holiday cheer with his family, he didn’t quite feel as lonely as he had done. Maybe, just maybe, this Christmas wouldn't be as bad as he thought..
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sorta implied Arthur/Merlin
Summary: Merlin just feeling a little down this Christmas.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Beta: madtheo
Author's Notes: Written in between working shifts one week. Thanks to my beta who I managed to actually make watch Merlin and then beta'ing this for me. Written as part of merlinadvent challange, was going to try doing a fic a day but Real Life seriously wouldn't let me.
Christmas Loneliness.
He watched his breath curling in the glacial evening air. It was the coldest night they'd had so far and he didn’t think it was going to be warming up for a long while yet. Merlin shivered slightly as a breeze whispered by and he couldn’t help wrapping his arms around himself, hoping to preserve just a little more warmth. He should have been inside enjoying the party, serving the prince, but melancholy had forced him to find solace in solitude.
He had been watching and listening for the last few weeks as the excitement in the castle seemed to grow with every passing day that brought them closer to Christmas. He had at first joined in with the festivities and had helped with the itinerary even though he was planning on being away for the yuletide season. Had even told Arthur that he wouldn’t be around for Christmas, and then the proverbial wrench dropped into the gears. The snow started out as those big, fluffy flakes that turn the world into a pristine wonderland, and Merlin couldn't help but think of how beautiful it all was. Then the flakes got smaller and faster and just more until the roads in and around the village had disappeared under the blanket, nay - a goose-down comforter - of snow. Travel had been prohibited by order of Uther himself.
Of course, Merlin had tried to leave, had even intended to take one of the horses so he didn’t have to walk, but somehow word had gotten back to Arthur and he ended Merlin's escape rather quickly. The prince hadn’t been especially happy with the onus of having to retrieve his manservant, and he made his displeasure known by having Merlin clean his armour not once, but twice that day. Merlin had tried to argue the point that it was his choice whether to go home or not, but the disgruntled monarch just kept prodding him toward the castle, completely ignoring Merlin's attempted justification except when he thought of something rather derisive to say.
Sighing, once more Merlin got up from where he had been sitting and turned to go back inside, back to where it was warm, when he caught sight of Arthur in one of the windows. Next to him, looking a bit perturbed, stood the raven-haired Morgana, most probably being mocked by her companion. He knew the crown prince only tormented the king’s ward to get a reaction from her and he had to admit that it was sometimes amusing. Of course he made sure Morgana never witnessed his mirth; he didn’t relish her shouting at him. But at this moment in time, watching them just made him feel lonely. He should have been enjoying Christmas with his Mum, just like every other year, but with his plans scuppered, he didn't feel much like celebrating.
Merlin turned away from that, that would have led him back into the warmth and light and let his mind drift with the snow, remembering past Christmas days with his family; the seemingly unstoppable laughter, the way his mother seemed to out-do herself every year with the cooking, the love and comfort that seemed to wrap itself around everyone in the household. His mouth tightened in bitterness, hating that his inability to go home was robbing the season of all of the warmth and cheer it was supposed to spread. Giving himself a mental shake - wallowing certainly wasn't going to bring him any closer to where he wanted to be - he brushed the snow out of his hair and started to walk away. He was sure he could find something to read back in his room. Maybe brush up on some of his magic? Learn to not turn things a different colour when he was trying to resize them. Or perhaps he could try the spell, that he had read about the other morning, the one that could make his quill light up like a roman candle. Who knows when a quick spark could come in handy?
“Merlin!”
The sudden shout made him jump slightly, his feet losing traction in the slippery snow. After a frantic bit of flailing, he was able to keep his balance and turned, red-faced, to see Arthur making his way toward him leaving fresh tracks in the newly fallen snow. Merlin couldn’t help chuckling as he saw the new flakes of snow sticking to Arthur’s clothes; white dots showing up brightly on the red jacket.
“You called?” asked Merlin, still grinning.
Arthur came to a stop in front of him. “I saw you leave and…”
“You were worried?” interrupted Merlin.
“No! I was wondering where my servant had gone when I found myself without a drink,” replied Arthur.
Merlin knew it was too much to ask for Arthur to openly admit he was worried, but just once he did wish that Arthur would act more like the friend he knew the nobleman was, rather than the arrogant prince that he acted around everyone else.
“I’m sure there are other servants who could have gotten your drink, sire,” Merlin replied quietly, not in the mood to be dealing with Arthur's petulance this evening. He turned to carry on his way, when he felt a hand on his arm.
“Merlin,” started Arthur, actual concern showing in his voice for one moment.
“Arthur,” replied Merlin, his tone bordering on impatient.
He could feel as Arthur flexed his fingers, but the hand didn’t move from his arm. He swivelled to look at Arthur, briefly glancing at the hand gripping him.
“You’re freezing,” said Arthur quietly, breaking the shared silence. “How long have you been out here?”
“A while.” Long enough that my ears feel like they've been replaced by iced over rocks, the boy wizard thought. He stifled a shiver.
Rolling his eyes, Arthur chastised, “Merlin, you idiot! Come on. Can’t have my servant freezing to death.”
“So you are worried,” pointed out Merlin, the flicker of a smug grin showing on his face.
“Am not, it just takes too long to train up another servant to the right standards.”
Merlin just nodded in an ‘yeah, of course’ kind of way before letting himself get dragged off. He wasn’t sure where he was headed at first, then he recognized the corridor which led to Arthur’s chambers. He felt something twist in his stomach as he was pulled into the room and pushed into the chair in front of the fire. A fire, he noted, that he had lit earlier that very day.
“Now: you sit there, warm up and go back to the hall,” instructed Arthur brusquely.
Wearily Sighing, Merlin replied, “I’m not going back, sire. It’ll be over soon anyway.”
“Merlin,” warned Arthur.
The gangly youth looked up at the prince, let him see a little of what he was feeling. He knew Arthur had understood when he saw him cease to play 'the prince’ and become a friend instead, the slight slump of shoulders giving him away. Not that he was taking notice of Arthur’s body language.
“Fine, you don’t have to go back,” said Arthur, “but you have to work the New Year's party.”
“Of course,” was the now deferential reply.
He smiled gratefully at Arthur before tearing his gaze away from the crown prince and staring into the flickering fire before him. Merlin assumed the other man would be eager to return to the festivities, so he was understandably surprised when he heard the nobleman settling into the chair next to him. Thankful for the quiet company, he realized that although he still missed his home and the holiday cheer with his family, he didn’t quite feel as lonely as he had done. Maybe, just maybe, this Christmas wouldn't be as bad as he thought..