The Secret Life of Daydreams - 04
Title: The Secret Life of Daydreams - 은밀한 생활은의 공상에 잠긴다
Author: Jossie
Pairing: Micky Yoochun/FC/ Max Changmin
Length: Chaptered 04/ ?
Rating: PG 13 - R
Summary: A romance that once was and is no more. One that can only be hold for so long.
One that breaks the soul and somehow it opens up to someone new to mend it.
(Previous:PROLOGUE)
(Previous:Chapter 1)
(Previous:Chapter 2)
( Previous:Chapter 3)
4
I'm a helpless child.
I'm young and sincere and unlucky.
Saining
Ever since the first time I laid my eyes on you, I felt like taking you there.
To that place where it's only you and me; the two of us wrapped around each other like a couple of melancholy friends.
I wanted to take your hand and lead you into my favorite place, my thinking spot.
The place where only my thoughts wonder around the air, my private place.
I wanted to share that with you.
I went there today and I saw the first cherry blossoms bloom.
And I felt sad.
I felt sad because on this special day, I couldn't share this special moment with you. I am so sorry.
I felt sad because I have hurt you so much that you wouldn't even look at me anymore. I am so sorry.
I felt sad because slowly I was destroying your life, your future. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry I can't let you go.
We have shared so many things together.
You have saved me in so many ways.
I can't let you go.
I have to pay you back for everything you've done for me.
For everything you've done for us.
I can't let you go.
Please, understand that I'm not doing this for my selfish pleasure.
I need you, I really do.
One day I lost faith in my self.
I was 22 and you were just a little girl. You were innocent and I took advantage of that.
But I didn't have anybody else but you.
I don't have anybody else but you.
I'm not asking you to love me,
It's far too late for that.
Just stay with me for a couple more months --I'll make you want to stay with me forever--Just a couple more months. Maybe a year, just a year; maybe until next year when the first cherry blossom bloom, so, I can see it together with you.
I really want to take you there, I really do.
Because, after all, you're my savior.
*******
"At night whenever I feel alone, I think of you."
You are fluttered by Min's words; you are deeply touched.
He moves closer to you, and he looks deep inside you.
You feel ashamed to be admired like this.
And you think to yourself, Can he see me? Can he see what I feel?
He touches you chin and slowly tracing your nose with his finger. You look away afraid that maybe he won't like what he sees. But you know that this is not the case because never in your life has someone ever paid this much attention to you. Nobody has ever made you feel worthy and special. And that alone flutters your very soul.
"Don't look away from me. I want to see those famous eyes of yours, Maksim."
You listen and take in everything he said.
"Why would you want to see my eyes? There's nothing beautiful about them."
He sneers and traces your lips mischievously.
You blink and his supple lips brush against yours. Just for one second. You're breathless.
"Now, "his face ten centimeters from you, "I'm going to kiss you."
And you let him.
And as if you were slowly dying you see your life pass through your eyes. This was death to you and now you understood why whenever somebody was about to die they saw they're lives flash across their eyes. He was killing you slowly.
Your fault, your regrets, your sorrows were slowly dying away.
And slowly, a bit too slowly, Micky was fading away.
Min stops kissing you and smiles.
"Oh, how I longed to kiss those lips! Now…" he regretted it? "I will never get enough."
And you smile brightly for the first time in months because you think, you know, that this is love.
****
I never really thought I could ever, in my entire life, depend on someone.
But whenever I'm with her I feel a kind of nostalgia for unconditional love and this thought over all scares me.
Watching her smile at me right at this moment slowly melts my body into a degree where my existence is unknown if I'm not with her.
I hold her close to me as we lay together in my bed.
And I feel like crying because I'm scared as hell of not being able to be with her forever.
I feel tears building in my eyes as I feel her touch, "Please, don't ever leave me."
And I cry because I know that someday she will.
And someday I will.