long time no talk.....
here I am .. a little while later... still wishing for a change....
I keep thinking that things are going to get better... that family can survive...... why does it have to be this bad?
why?
why?
why?
for someone who wants to be happy... why cant I have what I want?
I fight for what I want and yet I lose every time... I lost my first husband because he decided that he didnt really love me.... I am losing my second husband for the same reason.....why? Is there something wrong with me? I have gone to counselling. i have spoken to friends.. I have changed SO much about me that to be honest, I dont know who I am anymore. I dont even know where to begin to find that person.....I dont remember what I like ...... I remember what I dont like.... but that's no way to live........
Why?
how is it the winds can change direction so swiftly.... is there no chance for those who love deeply and try hard??
I want my life back... I am SO tired of losing...... So tired..... SO tired.......
Christmas was extremely hard..... people have changed into people I dont recognize. Not even a hello. Not even a how are you... yet, EVERY time, I greet with a smile and a hello and sweetness... because that's me....I'm not cruel... I'm not a bitch... even when I try to be I fail misearbly because its NOT me....... I'm still that type of girl that you can stomp on me and yet I will still paint the smile and be nice to you..... because that's me........
What do I have to do to make that evident ane make that worth going after?????????????????????????????
I keep thinking that things are going to get better... that family can survive...... why does it have to be this bad?
why?
why?
why?
for someone who wants to be happy... why cant I have what I want?
I fight for what I want and yet I lose every time... I lost my first husband because he decided that he didnt really love me.... I am losing my second husband for the same reason.....why? Is there something wrong with me? I have gone to counselling. i have spoken to friends.. I have changed SO much about me that to be honest, I dont know who I am anymore. I dont even know where to begin to find that person.....I dont remember what I like ...... I remember what I dont like.... but that's no way to live........
Why?
how is it the winds can change direction so swiftly.... is there no chance for those who love deeply and try hard??
I want my life back... I am SO tired of losing...... So tired..... SO tired.......
Christmas was extremely hard..... people have changed into people I dont recognize. Not even a hello. Not even a how are you... yet, EVERY time, I greet with a smile and a hello and sweetness... because that's me....I'm not cruel... I'm not a bitch... even when I try to be I fail misearbly because its NOT me....... I'm still that type of girl that you can stomp on me and yet I will still paint the smile and be nice to you..... because that's me........
What do I have to do to make that evident ane make that worth going after?????????????????????????????