the following is totally true
long time no post. in the intervening months, i have been at sea. i found myself without employ and realizing that my mid-life was quickly settling upon me i decided to run away to sea before the time when such thing would become more of a childish act. go away while i'm still young enough to get away with it. also, it should be noted, i lie about my age regularly. so i stowed away on a large wooden whale boat. who knew such things still existed and are in regular use? they're in much demand on the high seas, let me tell you. i know, i was there. anyway, after several months at sea, fairly uneventful as it was we were attacked by what i had previously thought to be an extinct sea-beast. one of the serpentine variety. looked like a giant catfish that had birthed the unholy scion of a python. only bigger that the Empire State Building. and angry as George C. Scott. well, a creature of that size you can well imagine caused quite a stir upon emerging from the briny deep. our boat was tossed fore and aft. we managed to escape with our lives intact (except fot the ones killed in the conflict- God rest them). oh, and there was one of the crew who was washed away overboard, but he was seen clinging to the overboard washed coffin of one of our previously deceased crew members. we're all praying for his safety.
onward- with our boat gratuitously wrecked we were victim of the trade winds that blew us along a path that was well out of our predetermined course. set upon by pirates we were. barnacles all. i found comfort by hiding in the storage hall, among the casks of exotic, spiced rum. when i was discovered by the salty dogs i feigned foreign a foreign origin, claimed i spoke no english and plied them with rum. while they were passed out drunk, i escaped in one of their tag-a-long boats and sailed away to the remote islands i could soon find. after landing there i built structures inland from the surf, and upon being discovered by the local natives i was declared their god. that suited me fine for a short while, but after tiring of that i accidentally (in my laziness) offended my constituency. maybe it was that, or the jealous ex husbands of my concubines. no one really seems to know. well, after fleeing for my life to the other side of the island i discovered i had been on civilized ground all along- i was in Peru! i soon found a hotel resort, stayed until my tales would no longer earn my stay from entertaining tourists at the resort and then called my mom and dad to come pick me up.
and that's why i haven't posted in so long
onward- with our boat gratuitously wrecked we were victim of the trade winds that blew us along a path that was well out of our predetermined course. set upon by pirates we were. barnacles all. i found comfort by hiding in the storage hall, among the casks of exotic, spiced rum. when i was discovered by the salty dogs i feigned foreign a foreign origin, claimed i spoke no english and plied them with rum. while they were passed out drunk, i escaped in one of their tag-a-long boats and sailed away to the remote islands i could soon find. after landing there i built structures inland from the surf, and upon being discovered by the local natives i was declared their god. that suited me fine for a short while, but after tiring of that i accidentally (in my laziness) offended my constituency. maybe it was that, or the jealous ex husbands of my concubines. no one really seems to know. well, after fleeing for my life to the other side of the island i discovered i had been on civilized ground all along- i was in Peru! i soon found a hotel resort, stayed until my tales would no longer earn my stay from entertaining tourists at the resort and then called my mom and dad to come pick me up.
and that's why i haven't posted in so long