The 1%ers
My pal Howard pointed me to an opinion piece written by Roger Ebert that discusses The One-Percenters, that is the 1% of the population who earn 40% of the nation's income.
Outrage at the lack of social justice aside, I noticed this bit from the article:
"...One of the challenges facing the One-Percenters these days is finding ways to spend their money. Private residences grow as large as hotels, and are fitted out with the amenities of luxury resorts. Fleets of cars and private airplanes are at their owners' disposal. At work, they sink absurd mountains of money into show-off corporate headquarters that have less to do with work than with a pissing contest among rival executives. Private toilets grow as large as small condos, outfitted with Italian marbles and rare antiques..."
I have my own small solution to helping spend some of their money: salad bars
I have long been bored by the flaunting of wealth via the traditional trappings we are expected to associate with it: luxury cars, rare works of art, jewelry of large carats, promiscuous Kardashians. Quite the opposite, to me the apex of ostentatious displays of opulence is the salad bar.
I have mentioned this to my many friend [sic] in passing and will again opine this belief here. Want to use your possessions to invoke a jaw-dropping, jealous reaction from me? Then you're going to have your own salad bar. In your own house.
More than that, that salad bar will be freshly stocked on a 24-7 basis. This will involve maintaining a staff of 9 people, 8 of whom will be used to staff three 8-hour shifts. The 9th person will man a large metal bowl at the end of the salad bar. The person's only job will be to toss the salad(*) I have put together, as dressing tossed into a salad rather than just spooned on top of it is a basic human right. The plates will always be properly chilled. There will be multiple types of olives. Iceberg lettuce shall have no place on the salad bar. There will be the option of Green Goddess dressing. You better damn believe the chrome and stainless steel will be polished to a high shine. Being a private, fully-staffed salad bar, there will be no need for a sneeze guard as "that's what I pay my salad bar staff for."
See, the thing is that I love a good salad. Having a salad is not limited to a meal accompaniment, nor is it any more or less appropriate to have a salad at certain times of the day vs. others. Watching the news at 7 a.m. and thinking that "Damn. A salad with some cubed avocado and pickled beets would really hit the spot right now" is one thing. Being able to fulfill that craving... that right there is my champagne wish and caviar dream.
(*) Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know: "toss my salad." Hyuck hyuck hyuck... Got it.