(no subject)
Ok, so I haven't written anything in here for a year and 4 months. So so so much has gone on since my last entry. 3 days after my last entry, I met an amazing man. We fell in love really fast, and it was so great. He was from Buffalo, NY. A month after we met on gay.com he came to visit me, it was wonderful, he was everything I could have ever asked for. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. He told me "this isn't goodbye, it's until next time." Little did I know it was the last time I would ever see him. The passing months went by and everything was still good, he works at a bank so he didn't get much time off for visits, and I wasn't to go there because his parents didn't know he was out yet.
Let's fast forward through the Holidays and such. Ok, so Valentines weekend was approaching and we had made plans for him to come down. Plane tickets were purchased, everything was looking good, I bought lot's of things for this special weekend. Not only was it Valentines but it was our anniversary too. That thursday would have been, February 11, 2009..we talked on the phone like usual, I was in a mood because I had been up since 4:30am that morning for work and I was just cranky, he said he'd let me go and we would talk tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, I text him twice in the morning and he never usually answers right away because Fridays are busy bank days. The day goes by and still nothing...6pm comes and I call him to tell him I love him and can't wait to see him the next day. I get this message "we're sorry but the Verizon customer you're trying to reach has either changed their phone number, or can no longer be reached." My heart stopped beating..I didn't know what was going on. I run outside to call my roomate Crystal, I said I called his phone and it told me this, and she said ok don't panic. She said "oh god" I said what...she had logged onto my Facebook to find a message from him..He told me that I was probably going to hate him forever for this, but he could no longer be with me. He said he had some issues going on in his life at that particular moment and he couldn't put me through this. If he couldn't love himself, how could he love me. He loves me always and hopes I can somehow forgive him for breaking my heart.
I left work, I just couldn't stand to be there any longer, I pulled my register and I just cried on my way home and couldn't even think straight. I got home and my roomates were very comforting, all I could do was cry. They both condoled me and told me everything would be okay. My male roomate bought me flowers and gave me a little talk. Days passed and I could barely get out of bed..I thought my life was over. A week went by, and my roomate woke me up on a Monday morning, and told me I could no longer live there. I moved out in 3 hours..came home to my mother and just hated my life so much. What did I do to deserve this? I still think that now...I don't like living where I live, my moms boyfriend is stupid and his demon son lives here now too. This child has serious mental issues, and he is nothing but a fucking menace.
I'm still working at the Royal Farms, nothing has changed..I still haven't gotten my promotion that I've been promised. I've applied at several places but still nothing. My friend Rachael works at a shoe store, and her manager told me that once he has a job opening I'm the first in line for a job. I applied at Wilson leather but the manager basically told me because I have tattoos on my neck I couldn't work there. I told him that it is discrimination and what not..he's still cool with me but really nothing he can do about what corporate office said.
My love life kind of sucks real bad...I've been talking to this wonderful guy named John who I've known for about a year. He's and e.r nurse at the local hospital, and he's so beautiful. We kissed a couple weeks ago, then I heard nothing from him for 2 weeks. I texted him and we talked for a litlte bit and now haven't heard half of anything from him. I don't know what is wrong with me...Do I just repell guys or is it just me. I'm also talking to a guy named Michael who I went to school with, he moved to Salisbury, he works two jobs so he is always so busy we never get time to talk..We've talked a little bit the past couple days because his mother is dying of cancer and I'm trying to be there for him. I just feel so bad for him I cannot even imagine what he's going through. I know my mother and I don't get along hardly ever but I just don't know what I would do if I lost her.
Ohhh..and I have a great new friend...my highschool art teacher and I started talking over the summer and now she's one of my best friends. Full of amazing advice all the time, tries to make me a better person. She is really probably one of the best people I have ever met in my entire life and I never wanna lose this friendship. She means so much to me, I don't think anyone could ever replace her. She tells me things I don't really want to hear, but once she says them she's usually right. I love you Steph, I couldn't ask for a better friend!!!
I'm going to wrap this up...and I hope it won't take me another year and a half to update anything. I have so much on my mind and it feels good to get it out.
Josh
Let's fast forward through the Holidays and such. Ok, so Valentines weekend was approaching and we had made plans for him to come down. Plane tickets were purchased, everything was looking good, I bought lot's of things for this special weekend. Not only was it Valentines but it was our anniversary too. That thursday would have been, February 11, 2009..we talked on the phone like usual, I was in a mood because I had been up since 4:30am that morning for work and I was just cranky, he said he'd let me go and we would talk tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, I text him twice in the morning and he never usually answers right away because Fridays are busy bank days. The day goes by and still nothing...6pm comes and I call him to tell him I love him and can't wait to see him the next day. I get this message "we're sorry but the Verizon customer you're trying to reach has either changed their phone number, or can no longer be reached." My heart stopped beating..I didn't know what was going on. I run outside to call my roomate Crystal, I said I called his phone and it told me this, and she said ok don't panic. She said "oh god" I said what...she had logged onto my Facebook to find a message from him..He told me that I was probably going to hate him forever for this, but he could no longer be with me. He said he had some issues going on in his life at that particular moment and he couldn't put me through this. If he couldn't love himself, how could he love me. He loves me always and hopes I can somehow forgive him for breaking my heart.
I left work, I just couldn't stand to be there any longer, I pulled my register and I just cried on my way home and couldn't even think straight. I got home and my roomates were very comforting, all I could do was cry. They both condoled me and told me everything would be okay. My male roomate bought me flowers and gave me a little talk. Days passed and I could barely get out of bed..I thought my life was over. A week went by, and my roomate woke me up on a Monday morning, and told me I could no longer live there. I moved out in 3 hours..came home to my mother and just hated my life so much. What did I do to deserve this? I still think that now...I don't like living where I live, my moms boyfriend is stupid and his demon son lives here now too. This child has serious mental issues, and he is nothing but a fucking menace.
I'm still working at the Royal Farms, nothing has changed..I still haven't gotten my promotion that I've been promised. I've applied at several places but still nothing. My friend Rachael works at a shoe store, and her manager told me that once he has a job opening I'm the first in line for a job. I applied at Wilson leather but the manager basically told me because I have tattoos on my neck I couldn't work there. I told him that it is discrimination and what not..he's still cool with me but really nothing he can do about what corporate office said.
My love life kind of sucks real bad...I've been talking to this wonderful guy named John who I've known for about a year. He's and e.r nurse at the local hospital, and he's so beautiful. We kissed a couple weeks ago, then I heard nothing from him for 2 weeks. I texted him and we talked for a litlte bit and now haven't heard half of anything from him. I don't know what is wrong with me...Do I just repell guys or is it just me. I'm also talking to a guy named Michael who I went to school with, he moved to Salisbury, he works two jobs so he is always so busy we never get time to talk..We've talked a little bit the past couple days because his mother is dying of cancer and I'm trying to be there for him. I just feel so bad for him I cannot even imagine what he's going through. I know my mother and I don't get along hardly ever but I just don't know what I would do if I lost her.
Ohhh..and I have a great new friend...my highschool art teacher and I started talking over the summer and now she's one of my best friends. Full of amazing advice all the time, tries to make me a better person. She is really probably one of the best people I have ever met in my entire life and I never wanna lose this friendship. She means so much to me, I don't think anyone could ever replace her. She tells me things I don't really want to hear, but once she says them she's usually right. I love you Steph, I couldn't ask for a better friend!!!
I'm going to wrap this up...and I hope it won't take me another year and a half to update anything. I have so much on my mind and it feels good to get it out.
Josh