Am I supposed to be happy? With all I've ever wanted, it comes with a price.
As I write, the dark red dye I bought from Landmark only hours ago is seeping through the roots of my hair. Soon enough, I'm going to be a redhead. It was so impulsive of me, to buy a box of dye and decide to change my hair color on my own. I don't even care if I screw it up, if my hair turns hot pink or if my scalp burns. I needed to do this today. Because right now, the color of my hair is one of the very few things I have control over. I just went to the beauty and toiletries section of Landmark, chose a color that I though would suit me and went home and here I am. In a few minutes I'm going to wash the dye off and my hair will be red.
If only relationships could be as simple as that. If I could only act on impulse all the time and things still end up working out. If only I could have as much control over it as the color of my hair, or the shoes I wear with a certain outfit. But I don't. Well, I didn't. And now it's done.
I lost the love of my life last night. I feel like a part of me just suddenly withered away. I have lost my ability to fly. My wings are broken, and now my feet are back on the ground. It's a terrible, terrible feeling.
I love you and I miss you, Butch. I miss your lips touching mine, your hand grazing my nape, your beautiful brown eyes that seem to say everything your heart wants to let me know...Knowing that I can possibly never have any of those things again kills me. My heart is beating profusely, my hands are clammy, my head is spinning...because I don't want to go on without you. But it's something we have to do. I'm trying my best to be strong for you, for us, but I'm afraid I'm failing miserably.
I love you, I love you, I love you. Always. Please, never forget.
* 8:50 PM - It doesn't even look red. And I think the color's uneven. I have control over nothing. :|
* 9:40 PM - My mommy hates my hair. She says I look "EMU". Puta.
If only relationships could be as simple as that. If I could only act on impulse all the time and things still end up working out. If only I could have as much control over it as the color of my hair, or the shoes I wear with a certain outfit. But I don't. Well, I didn't. And now it's done.
I lost the love of my life last night. I feel like a part of me just suddenly withered away. I have lost my ability to fly. My wings are broken, and now my feet are back on the ground. It's a terrible, terrible feeling.
I love you and I miss you, Butch. I miss your lips touching mine, your hand grazing my nape, your beautiful brown eyes that seem to say everything your heart wants to let me know...Knowing that I can possibly never have any of those things again kills me. My heart is beating profusely, my hands are clammy, my head is spinning...because I don't want to go on without you. But it's something we have to do. I'm trying my best to be strong for you, for us, but I'm afraid I'm failing miserably.
I love you, I love you, I love you. Always. Please, never forget.
* 8:50 PM - It doesn't even look red. And I think the color's uneven. I have control over nothing. :|
* 9:40 PM - My mommy hates my hair. She says I look "EMU". Puta.