noone ever reads this...
and i dont really care if they do. i just write because im bored..and i think i need to get things out that i cant normally talk about out loud.. mostly because not many people like to sit and listen to be rant and rave about how i feel. the important things get heard..the others fall to the back of my mind, and i find myself sitting here for 15 mins going on and on and on...
shannon got engaged. its so crazy. one of my best friends from high school..engaged. to be married. She couldnt have picked a better guy, and honestly i wish i knew him alot better. All i know is he makes her happy, and hes stepping up to the plate. I wish her and i didnt stray to far away like we have. But shes my neighboor at heart none the less..in my mind we still sneek out of the house and run around the block just because...
Tami had lilyana in december. i got to watch that little girl be born into this crazy world. she was nothing but 3 lbs..I just went and saw her recently and shes grown so much. shes starting to look more like her mommy. shes strong willed like tami..very fussy :) lol...
Everyones graduating college this year, and getting engaged, and having babies..starting thier lives. And here i am, on cape cod...singing bars with my fellow HHS grads..just exisiting. i almost grew up faster. that baby would have been here last week, and id be a mommy right now. But as the world turns it fails to mention that some people will not make the boat..not all babies will live..and not everyone gets a fairy tale ending
so i choose the path i take. i know i should have stayed a berklee. maybe id be something more. but i chose love. i decided to spend every waking moment with the man i have grown so much with over the past 3 years. Mikes been everything to me. We have had some HUGE rocks in the road...everything from comitment issues, to loosing a baby together. yet, here we are...2 years and counting officialy in love and together.. and not even a word of marriage..
25 is young he says to me all the time. hes not ready and i respect that. but it sucks for me because i am..im ready for a lifetime with him. im ready to work it out, and im ready for a reason to live. i wanna have babies... someday anyways.
im not complaining because i wanna get married, or i want a ring or anything like that. i guess im just worried because there is secruity within those words "will you be with me forever"
i hope im not working so hard, for nothing. specially with michael because i know nothing but him and i have known nothing but him for so long now. i dont know what i would do if in 5 more years he still is not ready to marry me.....
so with all my friends getting thier lifes together and starting new ones with the people they love a certain jealousy that i feel is unneeded comes to play in my mind. why not me? why do i always have to wait?.....
will it all be worth it.
Last night i said "what if i became famous...and we never had to work again"...mike said "it would be nice"
it would be. it would be wonderful to not have to worry about money or anything like that. but this is not practical..
anyways..im really happy for Sha.. really. i hope i get invited to this wedding so i can see her smile when she walks down that isle to him waiting to take her in his arms forever. i hope i get to see her mother cry..
she must be so proud
shannon got engaged. its so crazy. one of my best friends from high school..engaged. to be married. She couldnt have picked a better guy, and honestly i wish i knew him alot better. All i know is he makes her happy, and hes stepping up to the plate. I wish her and i didnt stray to far away like we have. But shes my neighboor at heart none the less..in my mind we still sneek out of the house and run around the block just because...
Tami had lilyana in december. i got to watch that little girl be born into this crazy world. she was nothing but 3 lbs..I just went and saw her recently and shes grown so much. shes starting to look more like her mommy. shes strong willed like tami..very fussy :) lol...
Everyones graduating college this year, and getting engaged, and having babies..starting thier lives. And here i am, on cape cod...singing bars with my fellow HHS grads..just exisiting. i almost grew up faster. that baby would have been here last week, and id be a mommy right now. But as the world turns it fails to mention that some people will not make the boat..not all babies will live..and not everyone gets a fairy tale ending
so i choose the path i take. i know i should have stayed a berklee. maybe id be something more. but i chose love. i decided to spend every waking moment with the man i have grown so much with over the past 3 years. Mikes been everything to me. We have had some HUGE rocks in the road...everything from comitment issues, to loosing a baby together. yet, here we are...2 years and counting officialy in love and together.. and not even a word of marriage..
25 is young he says to me all the time. hes not ready and i respect that. but it sucks for me because i am..im ready for a lifetime with him. im ready to work it out, and im ready for a reason to live. i wanna have babies... someday anyways.
im not complaining because i wanna get married, or i want a ring or anything like that. i guess im just worried because there is secruity within those words "will you be with me forever"
i hope im not working so hard, for nothing. specially with michael because i know nothing but him and i have known nothing but him for so long now. i dont know what i would do if in 5 more years he still is not ready to marry me.....
so with all my friends getting thier lifes together and starting new ones with the people they love a certain jealousy that i feel is unneeded comes to play in my mind. why not me? why do i always have to wait?.....
will it all be worth it.
Last night i said "what if i became famous...and we never had to work again"...mike said "it would be nice"
it would be. it would be wonderful to not have to worry about money or anything like that. but this is not practical..
anyways..im really happy for Sha.. really. i hope i get invited to this wedding so i can see her smile when she walks down that isle to him waiting to take her in his arms forever. i hope i get to see her mother cry..
she must be so proud