Competiveness
I had one of those realization moments last night. I was lying in bed thinking about exams and my competitive nature.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I am competitive when it comes to just about everything. I guess I feel a need to prove something. When it comes to school, this is especially true.
I have some ideas as to the roots of all this. I was never a good student until the 7th grade. Actually, I was a terrible student. I had to get a tutor for reading and math and barely passed the 1st grade. I managed through 6th grade skating on a sheet of ice about a centimeter thick. Meanwhile most of friends were in cruise control managing all A's and B's.
Fast forward to 2003. College decisions.
From about age .0001 years I wanted to attend the University of Michigan. After my junior year of high school it became apparent that I would probably not be accepted. Petrified of denial, I decided not to apply and save money from the application fee.
I applied to Central, Western, Bowling Green, Albion, and Loyola-Chicago. I was accepted into all of them. but my self-confidence remained stagnant. I received two scholarships (one for music and one for academics) to attend Albion. However, it still was going to be slightly more expensive than Central and Western. Loyola was clearly too expensive and my Mom would have killed me for leaving the state. I decided to enroll at Central, duh.
Meanwhile my close friends were off to places like Purdue, Boston College, Michigan State, Miami, and of course Michigan. I probably would have been accepted into Michigan State and Purdue, and maybe even Miami. However, from my decision forward I felt "below" my friends - despite the fact that few of them would ever insinuate that they were "better" than me since I go to CMU (although a few do it every chance they get).
I've always felt a need to prove myself. The funny thing is, even if was attending Michigan I would still feel a need to prove something to friends going to med school. If I was President of the US, I would feel pressure to be a better president than Bush and Clinton (no hard tasks) and to prove my worthiness to friends and family.
THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!!!
Grades and professions do not matter! I asked myself what types of people are most respected and appreciated. This is the answer I developed: "Those people who show respect, care, and manners." THAT IS IT! It is as easy as that! For me, this would mean to simply follow the True Gentlemen (SAE's creed).
So when I study from now on, my motivation will NOT be to prove myself to others, but rather to prove myself to ... myself! I am going to strive to achieve good grades as a way to say thanks to my parents for paying tuition.
Meanwhile I need to start concentrating on the character traits which really matter.
You could have a J.D. from Georgetown, a M.D. from Harvard, and a M.B.A. from Yale but if you don't treat people with respect, care, and manners, it all means nothing. If fact, I would go so far as to say that a person with such degrees but no manners is less respected than a person with no degrees AND no manners.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I am competitive when it comes to just about everything. I guess I feel a need to prove something. When it comes to school, this is especially true.
I have some ideas as to the roots of all this. I was never a good student until the 7th grade. Actually, I was a terrible student. I had to get a tutor for reading and math and barely passed the 1st grade. I managed through 6th grade skating on a sheet of ice about a centimeter thick. Meanwhile most of friends were in cruise control managing all A's and B's.
Fast forward to 2003. College decisions.
From about age .0001 years I wanted to attend the University of Michigan. After my junior year of high school it became apparent that I would probably not be accepted. Petrified of denial, I decided not to apply and save money from the application fee.
I applied to Central, Western, Bowling Green, Albion, and Loyola-Chicago. I was accepted into all of them. but my self-confidence remained stagnant. I received two scholarships (one for music and one for academics) to attend Albion. However, it still was going to be slightly more expensive than Central and Western. Loyola was clearly too expensive and my Mom would have killed me for leaving the state. I decided to enroll at Central, duh.
Meanwhile my close friends were off to places like Purdue, Boston College, Michigan State, Miami, and of course Michigan. I probably would have been accepted into Michigan State and Purdue, and maybe even Miami. However, from my decision forward I felt "below" my friends - despite the fact that few of them would ever insinuate that they were "better" than me since I go to CMU (although a few do it every chance they get).
I've always felt a need to prove myself. The funny thing is, even if was attending Michigan I would still feel a need to prove something to friends going to med school. If I was President of the US, I would feel pressure to be a better president than Bush and Clinton (no hard tasks) and to prove my worthiness to friends and family.
THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!!!
Grades and professions do not matter! I asked myself what types of people are most respected and appreciated. This is the answer I developed: "Those people who show respect, care, and manners." THAT IS IT! It is as easy as that! For me, this would mean to simply follow the True Gentlemen (SAE's creed).
So when I study from now on, my motivation will NOT be to prove myself to others, but rather to prove myself to ... myself! I am going to strive to achieve good grades as a way to say thanks to my parents for paying tuition.
Meanwhile I need to start concentrating on the character traits which really matter.
You could have a J.D. from Georgetown, a M.D. from Harvard, and a M.B.A. from Yale but if you don't treat people with respect, care, and manners, it all means nothing. If fact, I would go so far as to say that a person with such degrees but no manners is less respected than a person with no degrees AND no manners.