Fic: Terms and Conditions--... (complete) (Happy (super-belated) B'day tallihensia
Title: Terms and Conditions, Some Restrictions May Apply
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clex
Rating: R
Spoilers: general for series
Word count: ???+ (short, blah, short)
Summary: Lex really needs to have a lawyer present whenever he's in the same room as his nemesis when ironing out terms. (oops!) ...Oh well, too late now.
Warnings: Un-beta'd. Plot-what-plot? and backstory-what-backstory? apply.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
Comments: Yes, please! :)
Author's Note: So I was meaning to write a birthday fic for tallihensia, but then got swamped that weekend, and then kept meaning to write one even if it was horribly late, and so here it is! (finally, whew! :)
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Happy Birthday, oh nemesis mine!" Lex Luthor enthused.
"..."
"What?"
"Lex, today isn't my birthday."
"Of course it's your birthday, I was very careful in my calculations."
Clark sighed deeply. "Lex, it's not even the right month -- my birthday's in May. This is August."
Lex made a scoffing sound. "I don't mean your made-up put-a-date-down-on-a-fake-birth-certificate birthday, Clark. I mean the day you actually came into this world."
"So, the day of the meteor shower then? Sounds like a great day to celebrate," Clark said, rolling his eyes. He hated that day. Firery death-from-above on his earthbound hometown? Yeah, not really something he was going to feel happy about blowing out firery little candle flames in 'joy-filled' remembrance of.
"No, no -- stop being so difficult, Kent. Your birthday, Kal-El." Lex paused, then continued when Clark still didn't seem to be getting it. "The date of your birth."
Clark looked at him blankly, then looked shocked. "What? My-- how would you even know that?"
"I asked the Fortress AI. Very nicely," he added, when Clark looked skeptical, and then even more skeptical.
"Yeah, right. Sure you did. How would you even get in?" Clark asked rhetorically.
"Trade secret," Lex waved off easily. "Point is, I got your Kryptonian date-of-birth out of its rather stuck-up and quite cold and crystalline little processors, and then I was very careful and thorough in my astrological calculations. The galaxy-to-galaxy timezone conversions were a bit tricky, but I am confident that I am correct in my figures."
"...You figured out my birthday?"
"One-hundred-and-two this afternoon at 6:34pm!" Lex said cheerily. "Taking into account time-distortions near wormholes and faster-than-light-travel idiosyncracies," he added quickly when his nemesis looked torn between deciding whether he was more disturbed or appalled at this information.
"So, um, does that mean I get a present?" Clark asked carefully, after some thought.
"Sure, Clark -- just name it!"
"...Really?"
"Of course. Anything you want," Lex added smugly, because it wasn't as if he couldn't afford such. It'd give him a chance to show off his generosity to the city, and Superman PR was always good for LexCorp.
"Anything?"
"Yes, yes, anything. I swear it."
Clark grinned widely. "Really."
"Ah, yes?" Lex leaned backwards a bit as Superman leaned over him with a grin that had turned disturbingly wide. "But we still have to be nemeses, though!" he said quickly, realizing that 'anything' was probably not such a good idea after all. "That can't change."
"Still nemeses, huh?"
"Yes."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"No other stipulations?"
"None." That really should cover it quite nicely, Lex thought.
"Hmmmm," said his nemesis. "Let me think..."
~*~*~*~*~*~
"I can't believe you picked that as your present."
"Mmmhmm," Clark stretched, completely relaxed.
"I mean, it's just, just -- cheating, is what that is," Lex groused.
"Really? You think so?" Clark smiled.
Lex nodded grimly as he turned to face his nemesis. "I mean, making me change the dictionary definition of 'nemesis' is clearly playing fast-and-loose with the terms that we agreed upon when I stated the 'anything but' clause--"
"Lex, shut up and come back to bed," Clark said sweetly.
Lex sighed. It could have been worse.
Clark just grinned as he pulled a very naked grumpy Lex into his arms and kissed him thoroughly. That'd teach him to underestimate his nemesis ever again.
~*~*~*~*~*~
END
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clex
Rating: R
Spoilers: general for series
Word count: ???+ (short, blah, short)
Summary: Lex really needs to have a lawyer present whenever he's in the same room as his nemesis when ironing out terms. (oops!) ...Oh well, too late now.
Warnings: Un-beta'd. Plot-what-plot? and backstory-what-backstory? apply.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
Comments: Yes, please! :)
Author's Note: So I was meaning to write a birthday fic for tallihensia, but then got swamped that weekend, and then kept meaning to write one even if it was horribly late, and so here it is! (finally, whew! :)
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Happy Birthday, oh nemesis mine!" Lex Luthor enthused.
"..."
"What?"
"Lex, today isn't my birthday."
"Of course it's your birthday, I was very careful in my calculations."
Clark sighed deeply. "Lex, it's not even the right month -- my birthday's in May. This is August."
Lex made a scoffing sound. "I don't mean your made-up put-a-date-down-on-a-fake-birth-certificate birthday, Clark. I mean the day you actually came into this world."
"So, the day of the meteor shower then? Sounds like a great day to celebrate," Clark said, rolling his eyes. He hated that day. Firery death-from-above on his earthbound hometown? Yeah, not really something he was going to feel happy about blowing out firery little candle flames in 'joy-filled' remembrance of.
"No, no -- stop being so difficult, Kent. Your birthday, Kal-El." Lex paused, then continued when Clark still didn't seem to be getting it. "The date of your birth."
Clark looked at him blankly, then looked shocked. "What? My-- how would you even know that?"
"I asked the Fortress AI. Very nicely," he added, when Clark looked skeptical, and then even more skeptical.
"Yeah, right. Sure you did. How would you even get in?" Clark asked rhetorically.
"Trade secret," Lex waved off easily. "Point is, I got your Kryptonian date-of-birth out of its rather stuck-up and quite cold and crystalline little processors, and then I was very careful and thorough in my astrological calculations. The galaxy-to-galaxy timezone conversions were a bit tricky, but I am confident that I am correct in my figures."
"...You figured out my birthday?"
"One-hundred-and-two this afternoon at 6:34pm!" Lex said cheerily. "Taking into account time-distortions near wormholes and faster-than-light-travel idiosyncracies," he added quickly when his nemesis looked torn between deciding whether he was more disturbed or appalled at this information.
"So, um, does that mean I get a present?" Clark asked carefully, after some thought.
"Sure, Clark -- just name it!"
"...Really?"
"Of course. Anything you want," Lex added smugly, because it wasn't as if he couldn't afford such. It'd give him a chance to show off his generosity to the city, and Superman PR was always good for LexCorp.
"Anything?"
"Yes, yes, anything. I swear it."
Clark grinned widely. "Really."
"Ah, yes?" Lex leaned backwards a bit as Superman leaned over him with a grin that had turned disturbingly wide. "But we still have to be nemeses, though!" he said quickly, realizing that 'anything' was probably not such a good idea after all. "That can't change."
"Still nemeses, huh?"
"Yes."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"No other stipulations?"
"None." That really should cover it quite nicely, Lex thought.
"Hmmmm," said his nemesis. "Let me think..."
~*~*~*~*~*~
"I can't believe you picked that as your present."
"Mmmhmm," Clark stretched, completely relaxed.
"I mean, it's just, just -- cheating, is what that is," Lex groused.
"Really? You think so?" Clark smiled.
Lex nodded grimly as he turned to face his nemesis. "I mean, making me change the dictionary definition of 'nemesis' is clearly playing fast-and-loose with the terms that we agreed upon when I stated the 'anything but' clause--"
"Lex, shut up and come back to bed," Clark said sweetly.
Lex sighed. It could have been worse.
Clark just grinned as he pulled a very naked grumpy Lex into his arms and kissed him thoroughly. That'd teach him to underestimate his nemesis ever again.
~*~*~*~*~*~
END