Joe Cox 3.0
There is a certain Joy involved in finding something that you love and have lost or had fall away or just plain forgot about. I was going through some archived emails just now and found a comment notification for a post I wrote a long time ago.
Here I am writing in my live journal after an enormous gap. I know that nobody really reads these or anything so the apology that Im about to write is mostly to myself for neglecting a much loved past time.
Im sorry.
That being said, I have lots to write about here and I think Ill start with my turning thirty.
A couple of weeks ago I had my thirtieth birthday. As I think about life and aging and death and the approach of it, I cant help but crack a smile. Life for me is a magnificent gift. A fleeting series of moments and relationships and lessons. I am well aware, even if you (the people who are not me and not reading this) are not, that I should not be here today. I have been on death's door a fair few times and I have never crossed that threshold yet, despite the expert opinions of Doctors and heath specialists. I wont tell you about them now (they will likely be posts unto themselves someday) but suffice it to say they are more than two or three. Therefore, for me, every single moment in time that I seize or person that I meet and learn from or memory that I reflect on with joy or grief or anger, is a gift. A precious gift that I try very hard on a daily basis not to take for granted.
So on the day of my birth, after three decades of blessings. There was no fear for the future or longing for the past, Only a sublime all encompassing gratitude for the moment. Every friend or foe or tree or secret spot in the woods, or remembered smile or first kiss, these are all jewels that adorn the inside of the wall I have built around myself and for the last four years have been slowly but with great purpose been taking down brick by brick.
I used the term Joe Cox 2.0 the first time I gained this realization. So after making some breakthroughs and learning many many things about myself in the slow deconstruction of my protective wall. I feel like a new man and it happens frequently. With every insecurity I find and remove, with every act of forgiveness (for myself as well as others), with every smile and hug from my nephew or my Seba, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. Every time I get a wall post or an email or a phone call from someone I love letting me know that they still love me is one more jewel that I will gratefully and joyously take off of that wall and hang on the walls of my heart. The thought of all that beauty and love and grief and experience all taken from that giant wall and placed with care in the space of my heart makes my cry to think of. Only because I wont be able hold it in and Ill have that much more to give to everyone around me. Learn something from everyone, in this way we are all students first and teachers second.
As I strive for knowledge and understanding, of first the self and secondly everything around me, I am full of hope and elation at the man I see thirty more years down the line.
Thanks be to God, and to anyone who has ever taught me anything.
Here I am writing in my live journal after an enormous gap. I know that nobody really reads these or anything so the apology that Im about to write is mostly to myself for neglecting a much loved past time.
Im sorry.
That being said, I have lots to write about here and I think Ill start with my turning thirty.
A couple of weeks ago I had my thirtieth birthday. As I think about life and aging and death and the approach of it, I cant help but crack a smile. Life for me is a magnificent gift. A fleeting series of moments and relationships and lessons. I am well aware, even if you (the people who are not me and not reading this) are not, that I should not be here today. I have been on death's door a fair few times and I have never crossed that threshold yet, despite the expert opinions of Doctors and heath specialists. I wont tell you about them now (they will likely be posts unto themselves someday) but suffice it to say they are more than two or three. Therefore, for me, every single moment in time that I seize or person that I meet and learn from or memory that I reflect on with joy or grief or anger, is a gift. A precious gift that I try very hard on a daily basis not to take for granted.
So on the day of my birth, after three decades of blessings. There was no fear for the future or longing for the past, Only a sublime all encompassing gratitude for the moment. Every friend or foe or tree or secret spot in the woods, or remembered smile or first kiss, these are all jewels that adorn the inside of the wall I have built around myself and for the last four years have been slowly but with great purpose been taking down brick by brick.
I used the term Joe Cox 2.0 the first time I gained this realization. So after making some breakthroughs and learning many many things about myself in the slow deconstruction of my protective wall. I feel like a new man and it happens frequently. With every insecurity I find and remove, with every act of forgiveness (for myself as well as others), with every smile and hug from my nephew or my Seba, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. Every time I get a wall post or an email or a phone call from someone I love letting me know that they still love me is one more jewel that I will gratefully and joyously take off of that wall and hang on the walls of my heart. The thought of all that beauty and love and grief and experience all taken from that giant wall and placed with care in the space of my heart makes my cry to think of. Only because I wont be able hold it in and Ill have that much more to give to everyone around me. Learn something from everyone, in this way we are all students first and teachers second.
As I strive for knowledge and understanding, of first the self and secondly everything around me, I am full of hope and elation at the man I see thirty more years down the line.
Thanks be to God, and to anyone who has ever taught me anything.