Birthday Post
Occasionally it's time to post. Now is one of those times.
Age nineteen was good. I broke free from the unambitious and despairing age 18 to work and then travel a lot. Free is really what I was. I was free from much of the doubt of the last few years. Teeenage dreams has been colliding with adult realities, and for the most part, the teenage dreams had prevailed. Like the underdog who is destined to win, though, the adult realities kept showing up at the most inopportune times. At age nineteen I faced some of the adult reality, started working, and then traveled. It was nice. It might have been the best year yet. It was as exciting as some years, but it felt much more real. It felt like something to stand on. And best of all, it smelled of progress! It smelled of the progress that would let me take care of myself, be myself, get out of Fresno stand with my shoulders back and my chest out and say "I am an adult, capable of taking care of myself, thank you Very Much."
Now, 10 years later, I'm turning twenty nine, and I'm having a similar feeling of hope. I've stood for years now with my shoulders back and my chest out happily taking care of myself. It's been nice. It's also felt a bit like treading water. I feel a trembling in the future, and I think that year 29, like year nineteen, will be very different from the rest. At age 19 I went traveling, and that had been my dream for quite some time. After travel, at age 20, a remnant of age 18 reared its ugly head and I went to college. Travel was over, my freedom gone in the dorms and the lovely age 19, the best year so far turned to dark, lonely, 20, the worst year so far. The dark ugliness of year 20 came from my enthusiasm for seeing new things bending to pressures to take the easy path. I would have loved, at 19 to go on working and having adventures and taking care of myself, but instead I chose the path that seemed easier and it only got my misery. I simply didn't have the gumption to follow up dreams.
Now I have a clear view of my dreams for the future. Just like at age 19, I have a crazy adventure planned, and I'm going follow it.
Yesterday the roller coaster made the last few slow feet to the top of the big slope. This morning, my 29th birthday, the roller coaster is slowly but surely inching its way, under it's own gravitational pull, forward toward the crazy ride. That roller coaster is a small, ugly house on the Hinesburg road that I'm going to buy.
The house was built in 1940 by a young couple who built their house just across the creek from their their parents and parents in law. 71 years later, the son in law of the young couple is selling me that house for $60,000. That is to say, for a song. It's footprint is 20 by 24 feet, and it has an 10 by 18 foot "L." This L is not, for it's namesake, the letter L, perpendicular to the house, but on it's short side, ostensibly lengthening the house. The main part of the house is a cape, with shed dormers on both sides that are so long that they take up almost all of the roof space. That makes it like a shallow-pitched two story house with steeply pitched gable ends. The road side is covered in vinyl siding, the side facing away from the road has old clapboards in need of paint. No matter, I'll just replace all the siding. The inside is a smorgasboard of bad 1940 "modern" looks. Mostly, it's fake wood paneling walls and wall to wall carpets. It's truly ugly, but it's got a nice shape and it's got a straight frame and a good foundation. I'll be spending a lot of sweat equity making it look (and function) really nice. Luckily the house is small, so I won't have to spent the WHOLE rest of my life fixing it. It's on a half acre of land.
Yes, 29 will be filled with adventure and new horrors, I'm sure. But my dream of fixing up an old house is going to come true! I got the news that my offer was accepted yesterday, and it feels like my real birthday was then. It had that birthday feeling. Today will just be another day, maybe with some cake. But that sounds appropriate for age 29. Just another day with maybe some cake.
Age nineteen was good. I broke free from the unambitious and despairing age 18 to work and then travel a lot. Free is really what I was. I was free from much of the doubt of the last few years. Teeenage dreams has been colliding with adult realities, and for the most part, the teenage dreams had prevailed. Like the underdog who is destined to win, though, the adult realities kept showing up at the most inopportune times. At age nineteen I faced some of the adult reality, started working, and then traveled. It was nice. It might have been the best year yet. It was as exciting as some years, but it felt much more real. It felt like something to stand on. And best of all, it smelled of progress! It smelled of the progress that would let me take care of myself, be myself, get out of Fresno stand with my shoulders back and my chest out and say "I am an adult, capable of taking care of myself, thank you Very Much."
Now, 10 years later, I'm turning twenty nine, and I'm having a similar feeling of hope. I've stood for years now with my shoulders back and my chest out happily taking care of myself. It's been nice. It's also felt a bit like treading water. I feel a trembling in the future, and I think that year 29, like year nineteen, will be very different from the rest. At age 19 I went traveling, and that had been my dream for quite some time. After travel, at age 20, a remnant of age 18 reared its ugly head and I went to college. Travel was over, my freedom gone in the dorms and the lovely age 19, the best year so far turned to dark, lonely, 20, the worst year so far. The dark ugliness of year 20 came from my enthusiasm for seeing new things bending to pressures to take the easy path. I would have loved, at 19 to go on working and having adventures and taking care of myself, but instead I chose the path that seemed easier and it only got my misery. I simply didn't have the gumption to follow up dreams.
Now I have a clear view of my dreams for the future. Just like at age 19, I have a crazy adventure planned, and I'm going follow it.
Yesterday the roller coaster made the last few slow feet to the top of the big slope. This morning, my 29th birthday, the roller coaster is slowly but surely inching its way, under it's own gravitational pull, forward toward the crazy ride. That roller coaster is a small, ugly house on the Hinesburg road that I'm going to buy.
The house was built in 1940 by a young couple who built their house just across the creek from their their parents and parents in law. 71 years later, the son in law of the young couple is selling me that house for $60,000. That is to say, for a song. It's footprint is 20 by 24 feet, and it has an 10 by 18 foot "L." This L is not, for it's namesake, the letter L, perpendicular to the house, but on it's short side, ostensibly lengthening the house. The main part of the house is a cape, with shed dormers on both sides that are so long that they take up almost all of the roof space. That makes it like a shallow-pitched two story house with steeply pitched gable ends. The road side is covered in vinyl siding, the side facing away from the road has old clapboards in need of paint. No matter, I'll just replace all the siding. The inside is a smorgasboard of bad 1940 "modern" looks. Mostly, it's fake wood paneling walls and wall to wall carpets. It's truly ugly, but it's got a nice shape and it's got a straight frame and a good foundation. I'll be spending a lot of sweat equity making it look (and function) really nice. Luckily the house is small, so I won't have to spent the WHOLE rest of my life fixing it. It's on a half acre of land.
Yes, 29 will be filled with adventure and new horrors, I'm sure. But my dream of fixing up an old house is going to come true! I got the news that my offer was accepted yesterday, and it feels like my real birthday was then. It had that birthday feeling. Today will just be another day, maybe with some cake. But that sounds appropriate for age 29. Just another day with maybe some cake.