Oh, well imagine...
I dont post here much and I know why...
every night at almost the same time every night I lay myself down to sleep. and for 1-3 hours I lay there thinking or trying not to think as the case may be. it in that time that I think about all the things I should post here.
my fears, likes, dislikes, Who I am... and who I want to be.
well since last night ive been thinking or trying not to think as the case may be.
so here I am!
"Recently is been a struggle to enjoy your compeny..."
these words will stick with me for the rest of my life. they will be added to a list of phrases and quotes that I will remeber till the day I die. you have memories, but I have mental home movies. I will remeber the tone on there voices as they said them, there mannerisims, everything...
its amazing that I can recall things like this and its not enough to figure out who I am anymore.
did I ever know who I am? doubtful...
I thought I did back when I always had somewhere to go, even if it was a shitty coffee shop on highstreet.
im told that I shouldnt be able to love due to the kind of Autisim I have. I agree that my ability to trust people, well, lacks...but I can Love. I do love, but I guess I should give up. she has.
"you didnt waste two years pat, WE didnt waste two years...both of us will walk away from this stronger"
I belive you now liz. this morning I asked myself if I had wasted 4 years of my life on Karen. no, I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. would I have handled things diffrently? yes.
Ive been asked by 7 diffrent people in the past 24 hours if I was "going to do somthing stupid". I try not to think about it. ive mentally lived my own death in hundreds of diffrent fashions and im to much of a cowerd to see any of them up close.
you're never asked if your going to do somthing smart, ever notice that?
I could use a stiff drink right now.
every night at almost the same time every night I lay myself down to sleep. and for 1-3 hours I lay there thinking or trying not to think as the case may be. it in that time that I think about all the things I should post here.
my fears, likes, dislikes, Who I am... and who I want to be.
well since last night ive been thinking or trying not to think as the case may be.
so here I am!
"Recently is been a struggle to enjoy your compeny..."
these words will stick with me for the rest of my life. they will be added to a list of phrases and quotes that I will remeber till the day I die. you have memories, but I have mental home movies. I will remeber the tone on there voices as they said them, there mannerisims, everything...
its amazing that I can recall things like this and its not enough to figure out who I am anymore.
did I ever know who I am? doubtful...
I thought I did back when I always had somewhere to go, even if it was a shitty coffee shop on highstreet.
im told that I shouldnt be able to love due to the kind of Autisim I have. I agree that my ability to trust people, well, lacks...but I can Love. I do love, but I guess I should give up. she has.
"you didnt waste two years pat, WE didnt waste two years...both of us will walk away from this stronger"
I belive you now liz. this morning I asked myself if I had wasted 4 years of my life on Karen. no, I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. would I have handled things diffrently? yes.
Ive been asked by 7 diffrent people in the past 24 hours if I was "going to do somthing stupid". I try not to think about it. ive mentally lived my own death in hundreds of diffrent fashions and im to much of a cowerd to see any of them up close.
you're never asked if your going to do somthing smart, ever notice that?
I could use a stiff drink right now.