When big things fail, the little things carry you
A few years ago, I contacted a person I had "met" through an online support group. I was going through what has been thus far the winner in "the nadir of your existence" contest. She had traveled a similar path but was standing in a clearing. I asked her how she had turned it all around. Whe everything seems covered in thick, black, burlap curtains, how do you get any light in?
She said that a change in thinking is what had made the difference for her. Instead of thinking, "I don't have this thing that everyone else takes for granted," she began realizing that NOTHING can be taken for granted, and therefore everything you have and see and hear and do is pretty amazing.
My response at the time was something along the lines of, "Yeah...thanks for that. So true. Hem hem hem." Hey, it's hard to hear wisdom when everything is being muffled by super thick curtains.
However, her words of wisdom have stuck with me all of these years, and while they are not always effective in making me feel "better," they do serve as kind of my "true North," if you will.
When you approach humanity as an empathetic listener, you learn one thing very quickly. Everybody has SOMETHING that puts the sour taste into the mix of their lives. I like to call it "the reason for the 3-hour late night conversation." The time for confession, even if it's not a confession, per se. We spend a lot of time dealing with these somethings. Some people use medicine to help them. Some turn to drugs or alcohol or food. Some people just come across as being completely schizophrenic like me (I'm happy ohhhh I hate the world but wait...do I???). I think we all are surprised that we all have SOMETHING. We feel like we should have no somethings. Life is supposed to be knights in shining armor, golden locks, and happily ever after. Somehow, I think a lot of us have come to think that we are entitled to have the basics. Our loved ones should be able to live forever, obviously. We should never get sick. We should never lose our hearing or our eyesight or anything that any one other person could take for granted. We are entitled to be giddy with excitement all of the time, because that is what we expect.
it's easy for me to slip into a mode of thinking like what I was in a few years ago. I'm just coming out of a patch like that, actually. No one can understand how I feel. Woe is me. Woah woah woah. Wah wah wah. No one understands what it's like to be missing something that comes so naturally to so many other people, to be lacking something that is a given for so many others.
But really, as we all know, this is bollocks, and as much as I am full of bollocks, so too is anyone else who thinks that way (sorry teenagers). The blind are likely often disgusted at the fact that those with vision take it for granted. Those who are deaf may wonder why no one treasures the gift of hearing. Those who can't walk are surrounded by those who run. Orphans are surrounded by happy families. The abused are surrounded by those who are blissfully ignorant of such torment.
But the idea is not to lament that other people can't get to the point specifically where you are, is it? No. The point is to say, "Man...we all may be missing one element in our life that we can't believe other people take for granted. Maybe more than one! But look at all of the stuff we DO have."
So...if you're reading this, you can see. Say thank you. If you know what my voice would sound like as I blab endlessly on, you have the gift of hearing. Say thank you. If you have all of the loved ones now that you started the day with, say thank you. If you see your flowers growing in your garden, say thank you. If you have fans or air conditioning to cool you, say thank you. if you have a roof over your head, say thank you. If you have one friend, say thank you. If you have a host of friends, be joyous. if you are in good health, say thank you. If you made it to work and back again, say thank you. If you have a job, say thank you. if you have a job you love, be joyous.
You may not know what everyone's SOMETHING is. But you know they probably have SOMETHING. Maybe multiple SOMETHINGS. If asked, they might tell you that they envy you, and if you were to ask why, you may well be shocked that something so small in your life can be someone else's SOMETHING. Love the things that you HAVE is what my life has taught me so far. Nothing is a given. Nothing can be depended upon with 100% confidence. You are not entitled to anything, and therefore everything you have is icing on the cake. Gobble it up.
She said that a change in thinking is what had made the difference for her. Instead of thinking, "I don't have this thing that everyone else takes for granted," she began realizing that NOTHING can be taken for granted, and therefore everything you have and see and hear and do is pretty amazing.
My response at the time was something along the lines of, "Yeah...thanks for that. So true. Hem hem hem." Hey, it's hard to hear wisdom when everything is being muffled by super thick curtains.
However, her words of wisdom have stuck with me all of these years, and while they are not always effective in making me feel "better," they do serve as kind of my "true North," if you will.
When you approach humanity as an empathetic listener, you learn one thing very quickly. Everybody has SOMETHING that puts the sour taste into the mix of their lives. I like to call it "the reason for the 3-hour late night conversation." The time for confession, even if it's not a confession, per se. We spend a lot of time dealing with these somethings. Some people use medicine to help them. Some turn to drugs or alcohol or food. Some people just come across as being completely schizophrenic like me (I'm happy ohhhh I hate the world but wait...do I???). I think we all are surprised that we all have SOMETHING. We feel like we should have no somethings. Life is supposed to be knights in shining armor, golden locks, and happily ever after. Somehow, I think a lot of us have come to think that we are entitled to have the basics. Our loved ones should be able to live forever, obviously. We should never get sick. We should never lose our hearing or our eyesight or anything that any one other person could take for granted. We are entitled to be giddy with excitement all of the time, because that is what we expect.
it's easy for me to slip into a mode of thinking like what I was in a few years ago. I'm just coming out of a patch like that, actually. No one can understand how I feel. Woe is me. Woah woah woah. Wah wah wah. No one understands what it's like to be missing something that comes so naturally to so many other people, to be lacking something that is a given for so many others.
But really, as we all know, this is bollocks, and as much as I am full of bollocks, so too is anyone else who thinks that way (sorry teenagers). The blind are likely often disgusted at the fact that those with vision take it for granted. Those who are deaf may wonder why no one treasures the gift of hearing. Those who can't walk are surrounded by those who run. Orphans are surrounded by happy families. The abused are surrounded by those who are blissfully ignorant of such torment.
But the idea is not to lament that other people can't get to the point specifically where you are, is it? No. The point is to say, "Man...we all may be missing one element in our life that we can't believe other people take for granted. Maybe more than one! But look at all of the stuff we DO have."
So...if you're reading this, you can see. Say thank you. If you know what my voice would sound like as I blab endlessly on, you have the gift of hearing. Say thank you. If you have all of the loved ones now that you started the day with, say thank you. If you see your flowers growing in your garden, say thank you. If you have fans or air conditioning to cool you, say thank you. if you have a roof over your head, say thank you. If you have one friend, say thank you. If you have a host of friends, be joyous. if you are in good health, say thank you. If you made it to work and back again, say thank you. If you have a job, say thank you. if you have a job you love, be joyous.
You may not know what everyone's SOMETHING is. But you know they probably have SOMETHING. Maybe multiple SOMETHINGS. If asked, they might tell you that they envy you, and if you were to ask why, you may well be shocked that something so small in your life can be someone else's SOMETHING. Love the things that you HAVE is what my life has taught me so far. Nothing is a given. Nothing can be depended upon with 100% confidence. You are not entitled to anything, and therefore everything you have is icing on the cake. Gobble it up.