My beginning of a breakthrough
Usually, when i update my journal, i say things are great, here's what i've done since last time i updated. But this time, i need to get some things out in the semi-open and i need to vent a little. so, this might be the most disorganized, longest journal entry ever, but i think it will help people who may have some of the same issues as i do. So
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I'm sorry things aren't going well for you, I'm sorry you feel the way you do. If I could make it all go away, I would.
No matter what, I still consider you to be my best friend, and I'm hoping you feel the same way. I know things majorly changed once you got back from Florida, but I didn't mean to make you feel the way you did. I know we already talked it all out, and I thought we moved past it, but, did we really? I hope you're not still mad at me, and if you are, we need to continue talking about it until it's all worked out...
I ♥ you Jori, a lot. You're an awesome person and my life wouldn't be the same without you! I know we don't see each other an aweful lot anymore, or even talk on a regular basis, but never think I don't love you. I will always be here for you.
Life kinda just got in the way. You're living in Jenison and I'm back in Muskegon. You have school and babysitting, and I have SUPERCUTS. Life got too busy, but I can make time if you can make time.
I know you can get through this. As much as you like to think otherwise, you are a strong person. I ♥ you and if you need anything don't be afraid to call me. You know I'll be there...
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I know you also are having tough times right now, so we should be very relatable. I'm not sure how i feel about the whole me getting back from florida thing. I was in such a strange transition time that i didnt really make to much of an effort to make things right. I know we have talked about how the phone lines go two ways and everything and i still believe that is true. I understand you were working on wedding shit and taking care of your beautiful daughter but i think phone calls or im's would have made me feel a lil better. I'm not mad at you but i'm not a person who has ever been able to let up on heartache and hurt easily. once you hurt me, it takes me a lil longer to recover than the normal person. Now, i would say we are ok and things are fine the way they are. we are never going to go back to the way things were pre-fl but life changes and so do we. I guess that's really all i have to say. Just know that i am not upset at you at all but also know things will never be the way they were again.
I hope that you understand the reasons for writing in my journal. I know that jon hates me sharing stuff w/ people about us, but this time, it didn't really matter. This was something i needed to talk about to someone or actually anyone other than him. He gives me wonderful advice and knows me better than anyone else but sometimes, you just need to let it all out in one place for all to hear. I didn't write this because i want people to feel sorry for me, it's more about me and less about how others feel. Everything that was said has been weighing down on my chest for a long time now and its starting to break me. Therefore, i had to vent, angrily, "sorrily", or blabbing on. It may have hurt peoples feelings or made people say "wow, we never knew this about her, she needs our sympathy," when really thats not what i want. I dont need people to say poor, poor, jori. I need to people to say that girl has balls and YES i do have issues like that too. I think lots of people our age hold all this shit in and just let it fade, but i could no longer do that so i spoke my mind and now, i feel a tad bit lighter inside. I just wanted to vent and needed to feel like everyone knew what was happening i guess.
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