Mental prison exercise
Work sucks. It is hot as hell, and the shade does little to cool you when there is no breeze, and have to wear all that bullshit. Life in Iraq is...I don't know. I am back on the checkpoints now, and I have a concrete schedule, I just...I don't know (I don't know much, ha ha). Every day is the same...THere is nothing different about my after-work activities. Go to the gym and hurt myself, come back to the room and hurt myself. World of warcraft is no fun anymore. I don't want to play it, but there isn't anything else to do. I refuse to be like sloth, and just sleep his life away. Lazy fucker. "Uhhhh... Go get me something to eat." Work is the same. I read a book, I check ID's, I STARE AT THE SUN. I loathe and abhore the sun...You DARKNESS. PURPLE RAIN. PING PONG BALL BANANA PHONE.
I just accidentally deleted the paragraph that was here. I dont feel like god fucking damn writing it again. It was probably shitty anyway. Sorry. Im not sorry. If I knocked you down, Id probably step on your neck just as hard as I would any of my other enemies. I am vietnam.
My roomate is listening to purple rain to spite me. I suspect he is trying to kill me, so he can claim my treasures for his own, and so he has full access to my Mel Gibson shrine. It spans 2 walls now, as I steal things and mash them against the wall in an effort to blot out the outside world...A kind of social bandaid meant to attract others, but n ot really. May they all trip and fall on my metal step thing outside, the bastards.
I worry a lot about getting a girlfriend when I get back. To be honest, I'd like nothing more than to fall madly in love again (if you could call what I had love ha ha ha lets not go there :< )Id also like nothing more than to spit on any female that would bring aforementioned affection to me, darkening my doorstep. Id also like to throw some beer on them, as throwing liquid on people is my natural reaction to people approaching me, and trying to strike up conversation. Maybe I'll have some gas in a cup next time, and I can then be Todd and Rod and Nod. A nice girl. Yeah right. If Karma exists, Ill be jerked around for the rest of my life. It confuses me though, as I thought karma only affected you in the area in which it was procured. Love to love, and so on. I just thought about kicking a goose. God damn dwarven hunter COCKSUCKERS. GANGING UP ON ME. FUCKING SHIT.
My heart has hardened to something resembling a stone, or perhaps a shrivled prune left in the sun to further harden and/or rot.
oh lawd. ftw. I might be talking about the people on the otherside of the screen, or even about a certain lady that was in my life. Who knows. Fucking mail page. I stared at the blank screen for nearly an hour before I hit the little x, deciding that talking to you now is just as painful as talking to you 4 months ago. God damn you. God damn whatever fool notion still keeps a place in my heart for you.
The days drag on. The nights drag on. Sleep is full of dreams that I do not understand. I ask for enlightenment but I am not asking the right questions i guess. Or just dont understand the answers. Old ways are weighing me down. The world around me goes on and on and on, while I am stuck in this sinkhole. Things will be weird when I go home. It was weird dealing with 'real' people on leave, and it will be twice as weird and alien to me to deal with them again. Oh, peace. You elude me. I anger, and in turn am angry. Time for sleep, so I can wake up tomorrow to throw another day of my life away. God bless whatever benign figurehead of power and constraint that holds me in this limbo. Penis pump cockshit widdershins. You can all eat my fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. The anger. I need a vacation away from my bosses that are within walking distance at all times. Oh come on roomy, not that fucking song. Jesus. Today I threw a bar of...some kind of health food out the window of the truck. I laughed for a while, because it really struck me as humorous. It was funny, and I was funny. I AM funny. A REVELATION. Oh, rapture. Goodnight. I can't go on. I am far too peppy for more of this whacky happy ass...balloon...shit...pause. Yeah.
Aim saddens me. Myspace enrages me. Lj makes me melancholy. I am just a grumpy asspain. lol it looked like i said i am just a grumpy asian I would love some ice cream right now. Maybe a bly. I meant bly. rofl blt. oneof thse too. mucis. music. ive listned to the smsae shit for along time now n d i hat eit. no more lkced oors. gracisa com eerai r c ccccccccccccc cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccwe are vigilant and yes this censorship thing is actually pretty cool
I just accidentally deleted the paragraph that was here. I dont feel like god fucking damn writing it again. It was probably shitty anyway. Sorry. Im not sorry. If I knocked you down, Id probably step on your neck just as hard as I would any of my other enemies. I am vietnam.
My roomate is listening to purple rain to spite me. I suspect he is trying to kill me, so he can claim my treasures for his own, and so he has full access to my Mel Gibson shrine. It spans 2 walls now, as I steal things and mash them against the wall in an effort to blot out the outside world...A kind of social bandaid meant to attract others, but n ot really. May they all trip and fall on my metal step thing outside, the bastards.
I worry a lot about getting a girlfriend when I get back. To be honest, I'd like nothing more than to fall madly in love again (if you could call what I had love ha ha ha lets not go there :< )Id also like nothing more than to spit on any female that would bring aforementioned affection to me, darkening my doorstep. Id also like to throw some beer on them, as throwing liquid on people is my natural reaction to people approaching me, and trying to strike up conversation. Maybe I'll have some gas in a cup next time, and I can then be Todd and Rod and Nod. A nice girl. Yeah right. If Karma exists, Ill be jerked around for the rest of my life. It confuses me though, as I thought karma only affected you in the area in which it was procured. Love to love, and so on. I just thought about kicking a goose. God damn dwarven hunter COCKSUCKERS. GANGING UP ON ME. FUCKING SHIT.
My heart has hardened to something resembling a stone, or perhaps a shrivled prune left in the sun to further harden and/or rot.
oh lawd. ftw. I might be talking about the people on the otherside of the screen, or even about a certain lady that was in my life. Who knows. Fucking mail page. I stared at the blank screen for nearly an hour before I hit the little x, deciding that talking to you now is just as painful as talking to you 4 months ago. God damn you. God damn whatever fool notion still keeps a place in my heart for you.
The days drag on. The nights drag on. Sleep is full of dreams that I do not understand. I ask for enlightenment but I am not asking the right questions i guess. Or just dont understand the answers. Old ways are weighing me down. The world around me goes on and on and on, while I am stuck in this sinkhole. Things will be weird when I go home. It was weird dealing with 'real' people on leave, and it will be twice as weird and alien to me to deal with them again. Oh, peace. You elude me. I anger, and in turn am angry. Time for sleep, so I can wake up tomorrow to throw another day of my life away. God bless whatever benign figurehead of power and constraint that holds me in this limbo. Penis pump cockshit widdershins. You can all eat my fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. The anger. I need a vacation away from my bosses that are within walking distance at all times. Oh come on roomy, not that fucking song. Jesus. Today I threw a bar of...some kind of health food out the window of the truck. I laughed for a while, because it really struck me as humorous. It was funny, and I was funny. I AM funny. A REVELATION. Oh, rapture. Goodnight. I can't go on. I am far too peppy for more of this whacky happy ass...balloon...shit...pause. Yeah.
Aim saddens me. Myspace enrages me. Lj makes me melancholy. I am just a grumpy asspain. lol it looked like i said i am just a grumpy asian I would love some ice cream right now. Maybe a bly. I meant bly. rofl blt. oneof thse too. mucis. music. ive listned to the smsae shit for along time now n d i hat eit. no more lkced oors. gracisa com eerai r c ccccccccccccc cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccwe are vigilant and yes this censorship thing is actually pretty cool