Sexism And The Victorians

[joreth]

A friend pointed me towards someone's journal who started discussing the concept of sexism in the Vintage Dance scene local to where he lives.  Now, I have no personal exposure to that scene, so I can't really speak on the reality of the situation.  But someone else wrote his own journal entry and veered off a little into the confusing issue of

Comments

[corpsefairy]

What I found especially funny was that in his initial post, he specifically asked what kind of compliments people wanted to hear - and then when I answered his question and explained why, he replied that I obviously had psychological problems!

Also, his defense is a classic blame-the-victim response. He shifts the focus from the person making the comment to the person wearing the costume, and that is entirely missing the point. This is exactly the same as the "she was asking for it" rape defense, writ small. That may sound like exaggeration, but it is the same thing that's going on here. He's expecting women to manage and adjust their behavior out of fear for what men might do, and ignoring the fact that maybe, just maybe, the men shouldn't do it in the first place.

When will people understand that men's behavior is not about what women are doing or wearing - it is about the MEN?

It's absurd to say that women should have to dress modestly if they don't want attention for several reasons. You cover several of them nicely; often tank tops are just practical. Really, though, I (and plenty of other women) have been harassed while wearing bulky, unflattering clothing. The clothing doesn't matter; it's the fact that we're female and some men feel entitled to address us sexually.

Really, what does he expect me to do if I attend Gaskells? Not wear a ballgown? That'd be weird and far less fun. I should be able to go to Gaskells, look fabulous, and not be slimed on. I don't see why that's too much to ask. "Wear sweats" (leaving aside that that would be against the dress code) or "cope with slime" are not acceptable options.

[joreth]

this particularly annoys me because I am often annoyed with people who apologize to me for staring when I walk around a con wearing, say, a copper bikini. Hello! I'm dressing to be looked at!

So I find myself irritated right now because he can't tell the difference between honest and respectful appreciation and harassment, regardless of how subtle it is.

I know that people are going to ogle me when I wear the Leia and that's fine, but if you want to give me a respectful compliment, tell me the construction of the costume is good, not how hot I look in it. And when I say "that kind of compliment doesn't make me feel good", don't then tell me that I must be a mental case because I have different likes and dislikes based on very different life experiences.