A Test For Couple Privilege In #Polyamory
If you ever want to see just who is willing to put their money where their mouth is in terms of poly "equality" and "our others are just as important to us as we are to each other", ask if they'd be willing to divorce in order to give one of those other partners legal protections, rights, and obligations, and see how quickly people justify that their need for legal protection is necessary for life and more important than anyone else's need.
Usually the conversation goes like this:
Me: So, you want your metamours to feel "equal", but you won't divorce so they can marry, huh?
Them: We can draw up legal documents to make them equal if necessary.
Me: OK, so then why not divorce and let them marry and YOU draw up legal paperwork to make yourself "equal"?
Them: Because there's this thing I need that I can only get from marriage.
Me: ...
Me: So, you're saying that legal contracts can't give you the same things?
Them: [without noticing the irony] No, I have to stay married to get this thing.
Me: 0.o
Me: ::blinkblink::
Me: So, much like why gay people wanted marriage and said that civil unions were not good enough and they were being treated like second class citizens and did not have equal rights, maybe that's partly why people say you have couple privilege and why they don't want to date couples and why they don't feel truly equal?
Them: No but they are! We totally love our OSOs as much as each other!
This is why it's about power, not emotions or priorities.
#ItIsEqualAsLongAsIAmNotTheOneToSacrifice #ButItIsDifferentWhenIDoIt #ButIHaveTheGreaterNeed #UntilYouDoNot #ButWhatAboutTheChildren #InATrulyFairSystemSometimesYouHaveToBeTheDisadvantagedOne #WeDoEgalitarianPolyAndDoNotBelieveInCouplePrivilege #ExceptOnlyOurKidsGetHisHealthInsurance #WhatWeAlreadyDecidedNoKidsWithAnyoneElseAnyway #ButWeAreTotallyEgalPolyAndOurSecondariesAreEqual #OopsDidISaySecondariesOutLoud?
This post was originally posted at https://joreth.dreamwidth.org/381346.html.
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