What's The Difference Between A Gaslight Victim And A Gaslighter?

[joreth]

I have a question and I need for everyone interested in answering it to assume that I am asking in good faith, not trolling.

Are there any articles that directly compare and contrast the difference between being gaslighted and someone who is *actually* the horrible things that a gaslighter accuses the victim to be

Comments

[joreth]

...continued

"Disrespect can come in all shapes and sizes, though, and it’s not always easy to read. Your date may be judgemental about your appearance or lifestyle. "

I am very judgmental about couple privilege and about imposing rules on people. These are things that the gaslighter and many people in the poly community do. To them, my judgment feels like an attack on their "lifestyle" or even their character. To me, it feels justified because I'm thinking about the effect their behaviour has on others, whereas they're thinking about how frightened or hurt they feel when people they love have the audacity of being fully formed human beings who don't always do what we want them to do. An abuser would see my judgmental attitude and mark it as a red flag and a validation of their assertion that they are being victimized.

I'm only halfway through the points in that article, but it's just more of the same. This is a case of a specific gaslighter that I observed in person as actually doing gaslighting on someone reading an article intended to help people identify troubling markers in their relationships and seeing himself as the victim in that article.