What's The Difference Between A Gaslight Victim And A Gaslighter?

[joreth]

I have a question and I need for everyone interested in answering it to assume that I am asking in good faith, not trolling.

Are there any articles that directly compare and contrast the difference between being gaslighted and someone who is *actually* the horrible things that a gaslighter accuses the victim to be

Comments

[joreth]

I've seen that too. It wasn't asked as a form of self-reflection (although I fully believe that THEY fully believed it was), it was more for validation - what guys think the "do I look fat in this?" question is.

From these certain guy's point of view, the "do I look fat in this" question is a trap - the girl is fishing for a compliment and will punish him for answering incorrectly, but giving the compliment can also be the "wrong" answer if she accuses him of lying about it.

So *some* abusive people will go around demanding "am I being a jerk?" because they're trying to get people to tell them that they are not being jerks, and if you say that they are being a jerk, you're punished, but if you say that they're not and they don't believe you, you get punished. No matter what, the Question is not really about trying to become a better person. It's about getting an ego boost, about finding out who your "real friends" are (your advocates), and about finding ways to alter the behaviour while still getting the same outcome, i.e. masking the abuse better & pinning the abuse on the victim.