sometimes i don't have answers
here's something that i've been bothered about lately. i don't know if anybody will read it or if anybody will have any insight to offer, but at least i'll be able to figure out what i'm bothered about...
okay, so. i have noticed lately that i want God to bless my life and bless the lives of others, but that i often don't enjoy the blessings that are in my life becuase i feel guilty for having them. i feel that i shouldn't be allowed to enjoy them when there are other people who don't have them, perhaps... and yet, in the Bible there are passages that talk about how much God wants to bless our lives, that he waits and longs to bless us and that he works all things to the good of those who love him, that Christ came so that we might have life to the full. and i guess i'm wondering...why have i gotten to this point at which i don't enjoy things, that i feel guilty for being blessed or for asking to be blessed, for asking for good things in my life? because i don't think in any way that that's the way it's supposed to be. and yet, i guess i also wonder...if i were to start getting really comfortable with being blessed, would i get more upset in hard times? perhaps i would get less upset, because i would have more hope. perhaps more, because i'd know what i was missing. i don't really know. it's just something that's been bothering me--i don't think i should feel guilty. because really, you want someone that you give a gift to enjoy the gift right? so wouldn't God want us to enjoy the blessings instead of setting them on a shelf of "thanks but i'm so messed up and i don't deserve that so i can't enjoy it til i'm perfect"?
okay, so. i have noticed lately that i want God to bless my life and bless the lives of others, but that i often don't enjoy the blessings that are in my life becuase i feel guilty for having them. i feel that i shouldn't be allowed to enjoy them when there are other people who don't have them, perhaps... and yet, in the Bible there are passages that talk about how much God wants to bless our lives, that he waits and longs to bless us and that he works all things to the good of those who love him, that Christ came so that we might have life to the full. and i guess i'm wondering...why have i gotten to this point at which i don't enjoy things, that i feel guilty for being blessed or for asking to be blessed, for asking for good things in my life? because i don't think in any way that that's the way it's supposed to be. and yet, i guess i also wonder...if i were to start getting really comfortable with being blessed, would i get more upset in hard times? perhaps i would get less upset, because i would have more hope. perhaps more, because i'd know what i was missing. i don't really know. it's just something that's been bothering me--i don't think i should feel guilty. because really, you want someone that you give a gift to enjoy the gift right? so wouldn't God want us to enjoy the blessings instead of setting them on a shelf of "thanks but i'm so messed up and i don't deserve that so i can't enjoy it til i'm perfect"?