[Video Games] My Poor Dumb Horse
My friend Digital_Rampage loaned me "Red Dead Redemption" for the XBox 360, and I've been trying very hard not to waste all my free time on it. There's a lot I don't like about it, and most of that has to do with the storyline. The writers are ... well, not idiots, but I take issue with their creative decisions. The story makes little sense, attempts at "humor" and "satire" are crude, any sort of "political commentary" is hopelessly meandering, the protagonist makes stupid decisions (for unclear reasons other than "to move the plot along") in the cutscenes, and too much effort is spent on giving the spotlight to thoroughly unlikeable characters.
However, the eye candy is extraordinary, and I love the attention to detail, and a lot more freedom to roam than I've been accustomed to in games. I wish in-game time wasn't so accelerated (you can see the sun creeping across the sky, and for some reason the moon seems to change phase over the course of a night), but I love the attention to how the environment changes from day to night, the clouds move and change, and the weather is compelling too. I wish this much work had been put into the environment in, say, Brutal Legend (where the rain was nice, but it was kind of silly to stand under an overpass, and the rain still came down through the concrete).
There are lots of little touches where I'm struck again and again by the cleverness of the world designers who put details into the way the world works - not the cutscenes, and not the inane dialogue, but the way the animals behave and interact, the way I can do something as simple as respond to someone's greeting with a context-sensitive response, the freedom explore places that have no particular "purpose" in the game, the wide variety of activities of "ordinary folk" going about their daily chores, and so forth.
And, I guess, it's that level of detail that makes me a little more touchy about ... just how dumb my horse is.
I finally got to the point in the game where I could lasso and tame a black horse. That was one of my big goals in the game. I know it's not terribly original of me, but as a kid, I used to have dreams about having a black horse that I could call with a whistle or by shouting out its name. And so, when I was going through this wonderful plains area and this black horse just suddenly galloped by, it seemed natural to immediately chase after it, lasso in hand, and try to capture the first one I saw (well, actually, the ONLY one I've seen so far - they seem to be rare). And then, I got it all the way back to town without getting mauled by a bear or a mountain lion or a pack of wolves. Yee haw!
I don't know why, though, especially as it seems all horses in this game share the same basic "behavior logic," but it seems like my poor horse has a frightful tendency to wander into the way of gunfire. I'll leave him off somewhere I presume to be safe (sorry, but there are no hitching posts in the woods), and he just won't stay put, and I don't have a "slap on rump" ability to get him to GIT, so he's out of danger.
... so, up to tonight ...
My save point is at this trading post off in the woods, surrounded by forest crawling with bears, wolf packs, wild boars, and bandits. I walk out, and there is this lady asking for help - a new mission! It seems the supply wagon is missing, and could I be so kind as to see what happened to it? Well, sure, ma'am! I whistle for my horse, and once I get the clue that the wagon was last seen heading in on the road from the north, I gallop that way. Vultures circling over the road ahead signal trouble. (They have a knack for popping up very quickly once people die; sometimes I've had vulture target practice after a big gang hideout shoot-'em-up.)
Up ahead is a wagon by the side of the road, and some bandits are checking the bodies ... only their eyesight is a lot sharper than mine (with a plain ol' TV set, rather than a computer monitor or an HDTV) and of course they can tell me from the random traffic riding by, and start shooting. What's more, A BEAR ATTACKS, and takes down my poor horse! It's painful to watch your character fall, unable to respond to any of your video controller commands, as he's being shot, shot, mauled, shot ... DEAD. No fault of the horse, really.
Thank goodness for save games.
So, off we go again! This time, I head off of the road early, I think, and I try to leave my horse behind a tree. I make the rest of the way on foot, have to wait for the train to go by (the bandits are across the tracks), try to make a sneak attack on one of the bandits crouched over a dead body ... but once I fire, everyone immediately knows where I am and they start shooting ... and my poor stupid horse wanders right into the crossfire! I have to run sidelong so I can get AROUND my stupid horse to return fire. It's a pitched battle, I end up seeing red, and can hear the blood rushing in my ears (cool special game visual and sound effects to let you know you're not long for the world, as opposed to having a health meter), but at last I'm victorious.
Just one problem. I turn around, and my horse is dead. That won't do. I don't care if the game will let me summon another one after a day. That's "my horse."
Thank goodness for save games.
Back to the cabin. Supply wagon again. Off I go. I see vultures. Oh, there's the wagon - is that the same location as last time? They already spotted me and they're shooting! I hop off the horse, run across the tracks and try to get to cover. It's a pitched battle, but I manage to take them down. Another bear shows up, but I get him. I notice that a couple of the bandits are on the tracks, and here comes the train! I get OFF the tracks, and then look around for my horse. Oh no. You've got to be kidding me. HE IS STANDING ON THE TRACKS! I whistle for my horse in the hopes of getting him to MOVE, but all he does is turn in place a bit, and then (I don't know if this is my imagination) but it's as if he just freezes there once he sees the train coming. (Gwendel described it as a "deer in the headlights" moment.)
And then ... nooooo! SPLAT. The train slams right into the horse and all I see is this red burst. I'm going, "NOOOOOOOO!" and Gwendel is laughing. Arrrrrrrrrgh!
(Okay, it is kind of funny in a warped way, but ... MY HORRRRRRSE!)
Thank goodness for save games.
Okay, back to the cabin. Blah blah, supply wagon. Off I go. Oh, wait, it's coming from the SOUTH this time? All right. Maybe I won't have to deal with the train. I head out, see the vultures circling, get off the road, leave my horse WAY behind this time, walk the rest of the way, and get out the sniper rifle. I scan the scene and ... huh? Why did everything go black? Can't see a thing through this scope.
"I bet it's your horse," Gwendel says.
I drop out of the scope view and ... sure enough. My horse has walked in front of me, and, oh joy, the bandits seem to have noticed my BIG BLACK HORSE and are now shooting. Bang, blam, ouch, good grief ... and where did this WILD BOAR come from who is attacking me? Why don't the BANDITS ever have to deal with the wildlife? (What, do the bandits keep trained bears and boars at their command?) Nonetheless, victory is within grasp and then ... some idiot rides by on horseback right into the middle of the firefight, and I shoot him! ACK!
Mission failed, for I have now committed a CRIME! (And the victim still alive - which would normally be a good thing - but that means he can instantly report it to the authorities.)
Thank goodness for save games.
I try it again. I leave the horse even further back. Success at last. I go back, and decide to head to town to save my game. I get mauled by TWO BEARS.
Uhm ... right ... back to the saved game.
Mission repeated. This time, I'm taking the stagecoach to town. I enjoy the scenery. I get to town. I call my horse. I hit "Y" to get on my horse. Problem is, "Y" is also the button, it seems, to SLUG THE STAGECOACH DRIVER AND THROW HIM OFF AND THEN STEAL HIS COACH. Because, you know, even when you're a Heroic Legend doing good at every opportunity, you need to have a one-button option to commit a crime every time you're within arm's reach of a passing rider or stagecoach driver, I guess. At least it's not my horse's fault this time.
Crime committed! WANTED!
... Forget that. Back to saved game.
Mission repeated. This time, I am NOT following the road. I'm not getting off my horse. I'm cutting through the woods, so I can come back up the road the "wrong" way. Along the way, I see a pack of 10 wolves milling around not far from the stagecoach. I know what this means: If I ignore them, they will of course make a beeline for me (ignoring the bandits) as soon as I'm in the middle of a firefight. Sorry, wolves, but the makers of this game don't believe that business about how non-rabid wolves don't really attack people in America. It's time for Dead-Eye and to wipe out the whole pack, and forget stopping to skin them, because the gunshots have alerted the bandits to my presence of course.
So, I decide to do the most annoying thing I can think of. I hit the road, and ride at full-tilt gallop up the road, right past the stagecoach and the firing bandits, hoping that I will be a harder target to hit if I'm moving sideways according to their field of vision. I honestly don't know if that makes sense logic-wise since video games often have "enemy AI" that isn't concerned about such things.
Whether it makes any difference or not, it seems to work. I'm galloping along, firing to the side (so, thank goodness, there's no chance of me SHOOTING MY HORSE IN THE HEAD because of it bobbing its head up at an inopportune moment) as I go by, pelting the bandits, but of course not taking them down in a single shot each. Then, once I'm further up the road, I circle back and make another horseback strafing run. They fire at me, but the important thing is that I'm hitting and they aren't. Another pass, and I just keep shooting them whether they're moving or not (because sometimes they just don't stay down), and finally it looks like they're staying down.
No fresh gunshots in me, no red bloody marks on my horse. Looks like a success! It seems almost ... too easy. Uh oh. I have a bad feeling about this.
I hasten to dismount and rush over to the wagon before things can go badly, then turn the horses around and head back up the road, whistling for my horse to follow me. Things look okay until ... BEAR! Only, it's not attacking me. It's attacking a rider in front of me on the road. Reflexively, I go for the rifle, even as I fear that something stupid is going to happen and I'll accidentally hit the rider instead, or else NPC AI is going to go nuts, and my shooting at the bear is going to make me think I was gunning for HIM (it seems to have turned out that way before when I've gone after wolves attacking riders), and then he'll shoot at me and I can't shoot back and ...
Well, I shoot at the bear anyway, with the biggest rifle I have - get too shots, and the bear stops bothering the horse and runs off the road. The rider cries out in alarm, but just goads his horse and gallops on ahead faster. Whew.
I make it back to camp, stop the wagon, my in-game alter ego gives the lady some line about "Take better care of it next time," while she seems to be just so grateful to have her wagon (and not the least bit concerned about the fates of the poor wagon drivers who were killed by the bandits).
I then head straight back to the cabin, hitch up my horse, and go inside and have Mr. John Marston just go straight to bed. Save game. Turn console off.
At this point, I don't care if my save-game advances the game clock another 6 hours without me ending up in the next town. With the mission completed that smoothly, and my poor dumb horse NOT DEAD, I'm not going to take my chances with hitting the wrong button and slaughtering innocents or getting mauled by a bear or whatever on the way to town.
Whew!