It is what it is.
I feel numb.
It’s taking me a minute to be able to find any other words to say about this. I don’t feel overwhelmed, nor do I feel depressed. I literally feel nothing..except a little groggy.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this, of course. Ha, feel. Feeling nothing. Oxymoron.
Sometimes, this feeling of nothing has turned into fear. How could I, an emotionally driven soul, feel absolutely nothing? No remorse, no regret, no opinion, no questions besides the obvious one.
I’ve taken notice, especially lately with all these evil acts that have been going on in society within the past few months, ones that get attention from a massive amount of people, affect me in a way that I don’t understand just yet. The only conclusion I’ve come to is that because there is so much energy from our world as a whole being sent to this one specific event, its vibrations reach out to all of us and I happen to be one that absorbs it more than most.
The last attack I had was just days after a major event that happened in my country. It was devastating and so much Love was being sent to the victims. The attention towards Love overwhelmed the media towards the men that caused the act of violence. Looking back at it now, and comparing it to the situation that I am currently in, perhaps it was that ineffable amount of Love that hit me the hardest and caused my inner world to be knocked off balance. I don’t think I knew how to handle such a strong emotion.
I’ve felt that Love before…from my family and friends, Love towards myself. The most memorable, and always the most exciting to experience, is the Love to and from God.
God.
Such a hard concept to explain, yet so simply put in my thoughts. I live in a world where we are all lost souls, wandering through this place like a dream hoping that we end up somewhere better than here. There are definitely some that are able to accept that they are here, for this time, and once it is done, it is done. Others, they need to have some sort of security that there is someone, or something, looking over them.
I find myself to be one of those people. I also find myself to be one of those people that go about it in their own way. My relationship with God will never be understood by anyone else. If that does happen, that soul must be one I have traveled with through many lives.
I suppose I am thankful that I do not feel heightened or low today. Both of those are terrible feelings to have on your mind throughout a day. Since I don’t feel those, since I feel “nothing”, it confuses me on how I am suppose to view..well…everything. With no opinion or feeling towards anything specific, it kind of makes me sad.
Ah! An emotion! Not the best one, but it definitely is something.
Overall, I just want to mean something. I know I am greater than what we humans make ourselves out to be. We all are, really, if we take the time to let go of our ego and find Who We Really Are.
It is what it is today.
5.9.13
It’s taking me a minute to be able to find any other words to say about this. I don’t feel overwhelmed, nor do I feel depressed. I literally feel nothing..except a little groggy.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this, of course. Ha, feel. Feeling nothing. Oxymoron.
Sometimes, this feeling of nothing has turned into fear. How could I, an emotionally driven soul, feel absolutely nothing? No remorse, no regret, no opinion, no questions besides the obvious one.
I’ve taken notice, especially lately with all these evil acts that have been going on in society within the past few months, ones that get attention from a massive amount of people, affect me in a way that I don’t understand just yet. The only conclusion I’ve come to is that because there is so much energy from our world as a whole being sent to this one specific event, its vibrations reach out to all of us and I happen to be one that absorbs it more than most.
The last attack I had was just days after a major event that happened in my country. It was devastating and so much Love was being sent to the victims. The attention towards Love overwhelmed the media towards the men that caused the act of violence. Looking back at it now, and comparing it to the situation that I am currently in, perhaps it was that ineffable amount of Love that hit me the hardest and caused my inner world to be knocked off balance. I don’t think I knew how to handle such a strong emotion.
I’ve felt that Love before…from my family and friends, Love towards myself. The most memorable, and always the most exciting to experience, is the Love to and from God.
God.
Such a hard concept to explain, yet so simply put in my thoughts. I live in a world where we are all lost souls, wandering through this place like a dream hoping that we end up somewhere better than here. There are definitely some that are able to accept that they are here, for this time, and once it is done, it is done. Others, they need to have some sort of security that there is someone, or something, looking over them.
I find myself to be one of those people. I also find myself to be one of those people that go about it in their own way. My relationship with God will never be understood by anyone else. If that does happen, that soul must be one I have traveled with through many lives.
I suppose I am thankful that I do not feel heightened or low today. Both of those are terrible feelings to have on your mind throughout a day. Since I don’t feel those, since I feel “nothing”, it confuses me on how I am suppose to view..well…everything. With no opinion or feeling towards anything specific, it kind of makes me sad.
Ah! An emotion! Not the best one, but it definitely is something.
Overall, I just want to mean something. I know I am greater than what we humans make ourselves out to be. We all are, really, if we take the time to let go of our ego and find Who We Really Are.
It is what it is today.
5.9.13