Babies. Everywhere.
I woke up this morning/afternoon to an email from my ex-boyfriend, you know, the one who lured me away from beautiful California just to treat me like a fucking dog, that guy. Apparently, after he settled on marrying that unfortunate looking, chinless girl, they just squirted out an offspring. He sent me a pic. That guy, the one who almost fainted one time when he got a paper-cut, that guy just watched a "natural birth" *insert gagging here*. That guy. The one who cannot stand if his pen tops are not all lined up perfectly straight, that fucking guy is going to raise a kid. A little girl. My God I hope he realizes a few things. This man who up until LITERALLY last month, has been trying to get me to have an affair with him the entire time he's been with this woman, this man, who told me all about how little sex he gets, this man who broke my heart no less than 10 times in a row now has a screaming, tiny offspring in the world. I'm torn between firmly believing he not only doesn't deserve to have one, but additionally, the fact that some poor woman just destroyed what was left of her body and vag to bring him this piece of DNA carriage, a woman who he didn't really like what she looked like anyway, well, I'm just wondering how long it's going to take before he finds a way to be unfaithful to her.
I cannot tell you in the past month how many times I've had to sit though some conversation about "natural vaginal births". I guess it's just the time of life, I dunno, but I'm just thinking, have you all read anything about this yet? I know you're all about this unmedicated, vaginal birth, but why, exactly? Why would you like to feel like you are absolutely dying while squirting this huge thing out of your vagina, which will tear your perineal area or you'll have to have it cut, giving you a thing referred to as a "Vasshole". Why is this something you'd like to do in modern times? Why are people so passionate about it that they'll argue about it? Last night, at a party with a massively pregnant friend, she was informing all of us non-pregnant humans that "now days doctors have to document every c-section and give detailed, justified reasons for it"..... HOLD UP, you mean someone is going to force me to squirt that thing out when there is another option??? WHAT??? Really? I looked at another girl in the group and said "Well, there goes that. I'm not squatting all over the place like a fucking animal." I love this whole "Well, c-sections are selfish and blah blah blah"... last I checked it wasn't a fucking contest. Guess what, I'm FUCKING SELFISH! I selfishly would like my vagina to still work. I selfishly would like to not piss on myself every time I sneeze or walk up steps. I selfishly would like to not shit on a baby's head in front of a room full of people staring at my vagina. Actually, if I could have a robot do the surgery with no other person in the room, I would totally sign on for that. The things that I've seen, read, heard- honestly, I'm having a hard time even wanting to do anything like that.
I'm reminded of my fiancé telling me about how his mother started crying and begging for him to get married and have a baby before she lost her vision or died. Uggggggggggggg. Well, we're getting married, maybe that will hold her off for a while. Probably not. As soon as we get married, she's going to start in with the "grandkid" shit, and I don't really know what to tell her. I cannot think of any version of a birth that I want to be a part of. People have shown me pictures and told me "Oh, look at these, they're so beautiful". I never think they are beautiful. I always think they are gross, terrifying, disgusting, the woman looks so full of pain and anguish, she's so dependent and weak in those moments- I would never want to be that humiliated in front of that many people, and I damn sure wouldn't want either of my parents anywhere near that room. I think that I have finally found a man that I could let in the room. I've just read too many horror stories about men seeing birth and then never being able to get it up for their wife again (not that after you have a kid you'll have much opportunity for that anyway). I also have serious body image issues, like I only eat 1200 calories a day and I know that I border on having an eating disorder. I have to like what I see in the mirror or I get suicidal, seriously. I lose almost all sense of self-worth. I can only imagine having to look at that floppy skin and the bazillion extra pounds that you gain and supposedly, you're not supposed to care about that. I know that the depression that would follow for me would be unparalleled, I notice when pants fit too tight, anyone think I'm "not going to care" about looking like an elephant's nutsack does not know my personality very well. Sure, apparently it's all shallow, but you know what? I would never let my husband see me naked again. Yep, it's all "immature". In this aspect, I am completely, totally "immature", but I can't even think about this process without crying in terror. I can't think of a single thing in it that I want. Not only do you lose what is left of your looks, your continence and you sanity, you lose the ability to do almost anything at all; have a conversation, take showers, wear clean clothes, own anything descent, have any order in your life, the list goes on and on. I'm over it.
I cannot tell you in the past month how many times I've had to sit though some conversation about "natural vaginal births". I guess it's just the time of life, I dunno, but I'm just thinking, have you all read anything about this yet? I know you're all about this unmedicated, vaginal birth, but why, exactly? Why would you like to feel like you are absolutely dying while squirting this huge thing out of your vagina, which will tear your perineal area or you'll have to have it cut, giving you a thing referred to as a "Vasshole". Why is this something you'd like to do in modern times? Why are people so passionate about it that they'll argue about it? Last night, at a party with a massively pregnant friend, she was informing all of us non-pregnant humans that "now days doctors have to document every c-section and give detailed, justified reasons for it"..... HOLD UP, you mean someone is going to force me to squirt that thing out when there is another option??? WHAT??? Really? I looked at another girl in the group and said "Well, there goes that. I'm not squatting all over the place like a fucking animal." I love this whole "Well, c-sections are selfish and blah blah blah"... last I checked it wasn't a fucking contest. Guess what, I'm FUCKING SELFISH! I selfishly would like my vagina to still work. I selfishly would like to not piss on myself every time I sneeze or walk up steps. I selfishly would like to not shit on a baby's head in front of a room full of people staring at my vagina. Actually, if I could have a robot do the surgery with no other person in the room, I would totally sign on for that. The things that I've seen, read, heard- honestly, I'm having a hard time even wanting to do anything like that.
I'm reminded of my fiancé telling me about how his mother started crying and begging for him to get married and have a baby before she lost her vision or died. Uggggggggggggg. Well, we're getting married, maybe that will hold her off for a while. Probably not. As soon as we get married, she's going to start in with the "grandkid" shit, and I don't really know what to tell her. I cannot think of any version of a birth that I want to be a part of. People have shown me pictures and told me "Oh, look at these, they're so beautiful". I never think they are beautiful. I always think they are gross, terrifying, disgusting, the woman looks so full of pain and anguish, she's so dependent and weak in those moments- I would never want to be that humiliated in front of that many people, and I damn sure wouldn't want either of my parents anywhere near that room. I think that I have finally found a man that I could let in the room. I've just read too many horror stories about men seeing birth and then never being able to get it up for their wife again (not that after you have a kid you'll have much opportunity for that anyway). I also have serious body image issues, like I only eat 1200 calories a day and I know that I border on having an eating disorder. I have to like what I see in the mirror or I get suicidal, seriously. I lose almost all sense of self-worth. I can only imagine having to look at that floppy skin and the bazillion extra pounds that you gain and supposedly, you're not supposed to care about that. I know that the depression that would follow for me would be unparalleled, I notice when pants fit too tight, anyone think I'm "not going to care" about looking like an elephant's nutsack does not know my personality very well. Sure, apparently it's all shallow, but you know what? I would never let my husband see me naked again. Yep, it's all "immature". In this aspect, I am completely, totally "immature", but I can't even think about this process without crying in terror. I can't think of a single thing in it that I want. Not only do you lose what is left of your looks, your continence and you sanity, you lose the ability to do almost anything at all; have a conversation, take showers, wear clean clothes, own anything descent, have any order in your life, the list goes on and on. I'm over it.