My roomate might actually be retarded
I literally could make a daily blog about my 33 year old room mate who has the common sense of a 12 year old boy. Today, I noticed that the shower was so clogged, no water would go down the drain. Two days ago my room mate decided to "trim the grass to make the tree look taller", and I noticed that my whole bathroom floor was covered in black and curlies. When questioned about this phenomena, his response was "I'm sorry, I tried to wash them all down the drain." WHAT THE FUCK!!!! You think that's okay??????? What do you think drain clogs are made out of, magic and glitter, you no-home-training idiot!!!!
Last night, in a way that only he can do, he left me a sad, pathetic voicemail message saying that he was going to cook some tater tots and wondering if that was okay. There was a new bag, unopened, and sure, it was okay, I was just proud that he was attempting to cook anything instead of staring at the ground, mumbling about how he can't cook and isn't good at anything. I get home today and find the open bag, in the freezer, not closed with a rubber band, chip clip or anything, and it literally has 5 tater tots left in it. YOU ATE A WHOLE FUCKING BAG OF TATER TOTS????!!!! Not only that, but you didn't even put it away properly??? While you're complaining to me that no girls like you and you can't get laid and that you are fat, please, lets assess this at the moment.
1.) You ate a whole bag of tater tots in one night.
2.) You specialize in clogging drains, not putting your towel away properly, filthy bathrooms, leaving food trash just laying around, forgetting to feed or take out the dog or give him water, wrecking you and your parent's car and you've been going to Wake Tech for 10 years and still haven't graduated... oh, and you got fired from you last job.
3.) You play video games all day.
4.) You whine and moan about not getting laid in front of cute girls. No girl wants to hear that, it's the mating call of the pathetic.
5.) You would lie just to "stay out of trouble", meaning when I confront you, I often suspect you are lying to me to keep me from "being mad at you" about something I have the right to be mad about.
6.) You give me wide eyed, fearful looks, mumble at the ground and look like I shot you whenever you are confronted with anything. Wow, that inspires confidence. A simple "I'm sorry, I'll fix that/won't do it again/ didn't know that was how something was done" would suffice. Shit, argue with me, at least it would appear that you had balls.
7.) You can't cook anything but pancakes, have never actually cleaned a bathroom or know how, can't fold laundry worth a shit, don't know how to sweep and mop a floor and don't move anything when you vacuum. I call that pure fucking "laziness".
8.) About once a week you have a meltdown and become inconsolable and suicidal and I end up babysitting your sad ass. You become helpless, worthless, act like a raging victim, talk about killing yourself and it lasts for hours with no reprieve.
So night before last, I came home and found the front and back door both unlocked, the heat running full blast while it was hot inside, the top off of the toothpaste. I know you think that if someone broke into this house, you could defend it, but I know for a fact it would be you cowering in the corner pissing on yourself, SO LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR, we live in the hood, idiot!!!
Somewhere, in the 80's, parents everywhere did a piss poor job of raising young men.
Last night, in a way that only he can do, he left me a sad, pathetic voicemail message saying that he was going to cook some tater tots and wondering if that was okay. There was a new bag, unopened, and sure, it was okay, I was just proud that he was attempting to cook anything instead of staring at the ground, mumbling about how he can't cook and isn't good at anything. I get home today and find the open bag, in the freezer, not closed with a rubber band, chip clip or anything, and it literally has 5 tater tots left in it. YOU ATE A WHOLE FUCKING BAG OF TATER TOTS????!!!! Not only that, but you didn't even put it away properly??? While you're complaining to me that no girls like you and you can't get laid and that you are fat, please, lets assess this at the moment.
1.) You ate a whole bag of tater tots in one night.
2.) You specialize in clogging drains, not putting your towel away properly, filthy bathrooms, leaving food trash just laying around, forgetting to feed or take out the dog or give him water, wrecking you and your parent's car and you've been going to Wake Tech for 10 years and still haven't graduated... oh, and you got fired from you last job.
3.) You play video games all day.
4.) You whine and moan about not getting laid in front of cute girls. No girl wants to hear that, it's the mating call of the pathetic.
5.) You would lie just to "stay out of trouble", meaning when I confront you, I often suspect you are lying to me to keep me from "being mad at you" about something I have the right to be mad about.
6.) You give me wide eyed, fearful looks, mumble at the ground and look like I shot you whenever you are confronted with anything. Wow, that inspires confidence. A simple "I'm sorry, I'll fix that/won't do it again/ didn't know that was how something was done" would suffice. Shit, argue with me, at least it would appear that you had balls.
7.) You can't cook anything but pancakes, have never actually cleaned a bathroom or know how, can't fold laundry worth a shit, don't know how to sweep and mop a floor and don't move anything when you vacuum. I call that pure fucking "laziness".
8.) About once a week you have a meltdown and become inconsolable and suicidal and I end up babysitting your sad ass. You become helpless, worthless, act like a raging victim, talk about killing yourself and it lasts for hours with no reprieve.
So night before last, I came home and found the front and back door both unlocked, the heat running full blast while it was hot inside, the top off of the toothpaste. I know you think that if someone broke into this house, you could defend it, but I know for a fact it would be you cowering in the corner pissing on yourself, SO LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR, we live in the hood, idiot!!!
Somewhere, in the 80's, parents everywhere did a piss poor job of raising young men.